


Written in the Stars

by UpstartCrow42



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Attempted Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Cunnilingus, F/M, Femdom, Finger Sucking, Fingerfucking, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fresh Starts, Hand Jobs, Human Nandor is Bad with Boundries, Human Nandor the Relentless, Long lost love, Non-Linear Narrative, Oral Sex, Pegging, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Secrets, Seduction, Semi-Canonical Character, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Roleplay, Sexuality Crisis, Spanking, Speed Dating, Testing boundries, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wedding Night, Weddings, Witches, mild anal play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 86,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27082963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpstartCrow42/pseuds/UpstartCrow42
Summary: Nandor the Relentless had 37 wives. He really loved 35 of them. This is the story of his relationship with just one of those wives.**Chapter 11 Summary**Nandor and Andrakis arrive in Tabriz for a short rest and respite on their journey to Al Quolanduar. Things start off just like any other day until some totally not handsome man tries to take Andrakis away from Nandor. Not one to dwell too long on such things, husband and wife work out their feelings once again in the boudoir.
Relationships: Andrakis/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 24





	1. The Past: The Mysterious Stable Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to sinaesthete and Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me. I'm am forever in your debt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor travels to a far off European island to acquire a new wife, but when he arrives he's made to wait for the negotiations to begin. He resigns himself to spending time with his beloved horse Jahan when another alluring creature captures his attention in the stables.

Nandor had not been too impressed with this little island nation so far. But a deal was a deal and he was going to honor it to the letter. He dismounted his Jahan and let the stable hand help him secure the magnificent creature in the stall.

“I will return, my fine boy,” he said to the horse, patting him gently on the face before departing.

The envoy led him to the palace where the negotiations would take place. Unfortunately for Nandor, there was a delay and he would have to wait at least an hour. Fucking guys.

That led him back to his Jahan. If he was going to spend time idly for an hour or more it would be with his beloved steed.

As he approached the stable where he had left his precious horse, he spotted a woman. She was honey complected with golden brown hair. The most striking detail he noticed was a really big smile on her face. She looked very naive as she patted his Jahan on the head. As he got closer, he could hear her talking.

“Aren’t you such a lovely little horsie,” she crooned.

Nandor strained to translate her words into his native tongue, but he understood the gist. He stood a while and listened to her say what sounded like sweet little things to Jahan, delighting in his soft whinnies and snorts.

As she rested her head against his, Nandor decided it was time to step out of the shadows and into the light.

“Why yes, he is a delightful beast.” He said the words slowly to avoid butchering her language too terribly, a devilish grin on his face. 

He approached her deliberately, each step a calculated, careful advance on his quarry so as not to frighten her away too soon. “And you are quite the ravishing creature yourself.” He said in his native tongue as he ran his hand down her cheek.

The woman narrowed her eyes and looked up at him. “Aren’t you that warlord from a far away land that everyone has been scurrying about to impress?” she spoke in perfect Al Quolanudarese, a little smirk spreading across her face.

Nandor blinked and gave an incredulous look. “So you can speak my language.” How interesting, he thought. “Yes. I am Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands. Undying warrior who has twice turned the Euphrates red with blood of the fallen.”

She just gave him an incredulous look back. “And this is your war horse? He doesn’t look like a beast.”

He turned his nose up at her. “My Jahan is a fierce warrior in his own right. He’s always by my side when I go into battle.”

She just looked at him warily before speaking again, “Anyway, what are you doing back out in the stables? Did the negotiations with the household fall through?” she raised an eyebrow curiously.

“No, they’re having me wait so they can attend to some other business. I told the envoy to come collect me here.”

The woman nodded. “Oh.” She pushed her hair behind her ear before turning to find something on the other side of the stable.

Nandor eyed her again. She was dressed rather plainly. Probably some household servant. Her complexion could mean she was taken from his lands when she was younger and that’s how she could speak so well. She was rather beautiful, for a servant. And he was all alone until the negotiations with his future wife were settled. He had not traveled with a companion and it had been a long while since the last encampment. It had been even longer since Nandor had last seen his eighteen other wives back home, most of whom were with child and therefore in too delicate a condition to travel, let alone to satisfy his needs.

He closed the distance between the two of them, barely a finger width of space between them. “Do you want to go for a ride on him, with me?”

She smiled again and something inside Nandor stirred.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She looked around. “I’m not supposed to leave the grounds. I’ll get in trouble.”

He inched up even closer to her. “Are you sure you don’t want to come ride with me, little lamb?” he traced her jaw with his finger and cupped her chin, tilting it up to look into her eyes. “I promise I do not bite.”

“If I’m seen leaving with you, I’ll be in immense trouble,” she said, quivering a bit under his touch.

She was certainly a dutiful servant. Old enough to be a woman but young enough to be afraid to dally on her duties. In a bold move, he swept her into his arms and placed her upon Jahan’s saddle. He mounted the horse, his body pressed up against the strange young woman’s as he reached to grab his steed's reins.

He could feel her pulse quicken under his touch. “Do not worry, I am not taking you anywhere. I just thought you might like to sit upon my horse with me.” His voice dripped with virtue tinged with vice.

“Oh, okay. If that’s all.” 

He could hear the grin in her voice as she relaxed.

Though Nandor may not have been able to get her to leave the stable, and it wasn’t the ideal place for this, he’d fucked in worse conditions. He had plenty of time to kill and he was going to have fun with this exceedingly innocent woman. Didn’t she know it wasn’t safe to be alone with a conqueror?

Her hair had fallen in front of her face, so Nandor gently moved the strands back behind her ear, a feather light touch upon her lobe. He followed the delicate strands down her back, running a finger down her spine before pulling her a little closer to him, resting his hands on her hips.

A course of several shivers sauntered down her spine at his actions. The tingles felt both tantalizing and treacherous given what she knew of his reputation. 

The silence between them bubbled up like an overfull cauldron as Nandor’s fingers splayed out, his breath hot on her neck.

She turned to face him. “If I didn’t know better, I would think you were trying to pillage _me_ , conqueror man.”

“Well, aren’t you the savvy little lamb.” He cocked an eyebrow. “To be fair, I was not going to just take you. I was leading you in a direction so that you would want to _be_ taken.”

“Here in the stable?” she eyed him quizzically.

“Well, you are the one who won’t leave with me to find a better suited place.” He said, admiring his nails. “If you are wanting to change your mind, I can take you to my camp. There is nice bedding and my oils-”

She cut him off, “No, I really can’t leave, you don’t understand how much trouble I will be in just to be seen with you.” 

He could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke. Nandor could understand where she was coming from to a point. If he had caught his servant girls in a tryst with a visiting dignitary, there would be hell to pay. But he didn’t plan for this servant girl to get caught. What the lord of the manor didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.

Nandor rested his hands upon her back, gently massaging her shoulders. He leaned over to whisper, “I can be discrete.” 

She melted under his touch as the whispered words flooded her senses. “Well” she began, “I mean,” she hunted for the right words, “if you don’t mind the surroundings,” a big grin graced her lips, “then neither do I.”

A smirk spread across the warlord’s face as he took in her consent. “So forward and feisty. Are all the women of your station like this?” Maybe he could bring her back as his concubine.

She shrugged. “I don’t know many other women, so I can’t say for sure. I know my sister isn’t like me. I wouldn’t say she’s exactly bold.”

He leaned over her, pressing his lips to the shell of her ear. “Well, should we just cut to the chase or should I do some more of my seduction moves on you first.”

She leaned back into him, a big smile beaming across her face. “I am curious about these other seduction moves.” 

Nandor dismounted from the horse and pulled the woman to him. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the lips, wanting to surprise her by being soft and sweet. Her lips parted and he explored her mouth with this tongue. Nandor delighted in the little noises she made as he claimed her mouth. His hands moving slowly from her face, down the soft fabric of her dress, and cupping her breasts. Nandor broke the kiss and then made his way to her neck.

A small moan escaped her lips and she parted her legs for him. His hands continued to palm her breasts through her dress and then snaked their way down her body and beneath the hemline. He combed his fingers through the curls he pictured were dark and probed her entrance.

She hissed and winced as one finger entered her.

“Are you a virgin, my lamb?” he didn’t need her to respond; her vice grip on his finger was answer enough. He would have to take it slower with her.

She nodded her head and answered with a sheepish, “uh huh.”

“You were so forward a moment ago; I would have thought you had more experience.” Most girls didn’t want to lose their virginity in the middle of a horse stable, surrounded by barnyard smells, but she seemed determined to reach that end. He wasn’t accustomed to being the one used in this situation and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. But her moans made him harder for her and decided he didn’t care that she played him instead of vice versa.

He continued to massage her, adding another finger after she was good and wet.

“I’m ready for you,” she murmured.

Nandor let out a little laugh. “No, little lamb. I’m going to need to fully prime you for all of this.” He grabbed her hand and pressed it to the bulge in his trousers.

Her eyes grew wide as she felt around at this hardness. “I didn’t know it would be so big.”

He smirked, his voice dripping with desire, “You are not the first to say this to me.” He took another kiss from her lips. “Now, let me properly prepare you.”

They found a soft place in the hay that seemed relatively clean. Nandor lay her down gently before joining at her side. They didn’t fully disrobe. He freed himself from his trousers, encouraging her to stroke him. She pulled her dress up just above the place where her legs parted. Nandor leaned over her to continue his ministrations upon her body. 

Never in his life had he fooled around with so much clothing still on. It was oddly tantalizing for him. So forbidden. Her hand explored him, tentatively running her thumb over his head. A spurt of pre-cum emerged and she coated him in the fluid as she stroked him up and down. He let out a throaty moan as she manipulated him with her fingers. He was putty in the palm of her hand.

As the tension built up within his core, he held back his moans so as not to seem too out of control with her. This little peasant was making him feel things and he would not be able to part with her. He would have to arrange for her employer to relinquish her into his command.

Even though they had little time to prepare for the main event, he had taken a gentler approach. Despite how ready she claimed she was, he knew she would need more time to adjust and adapt to him. His two fingers stroked her velvety walls, his fingers curling to hit the hot bundle of nerves deep inside her. Nandor’s thumb circled her sensitive bud.

He pulled his fingers out of her and gave her a kiss before taking them into his own mouth to lick them clean.

He delighted in the doe-eyed look she gave him as he savored her. “Oh, how I wish I could partake of you from the source. It would help suitably prepare you for the main event.”

“Um, partake of me from. . . ?” her eyes remained huge orbs, pupils shrinking from their lust-laden width as what he was proposing set in.

“I want to bathe your body with my tongue, taste of your essence.” He began to move down to begin lapping her up.

She balked and moved away. “Um, pardon me, but that doesn’t seem very hygienic.” 

“You are one to talk, you are letting me fuck you in a barn,” he huffed.

“Well, it just seems very unnatural.“ She crossed her arms.

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first woman hesitant to let me go down on her, but I promise you, it would be amazing.” He stroked her as he said it, trying to entice her into agreeing.

Nandor had been down this road before and he knew most women would need more convincing to allow him do this. Usually one or two licks was enough to unravel them into realizing that letting a man devour their sex was a natural part of making love. It was her loss really. He didn’t have time to lecture the woman, so instead he decided to prepare her for the act of fornication. His two fingers slipped inside her easily and then he eased in a third finger slowly. She hissed at the invasion, tears pricking her eyes.

“You’re okay, I promise,” he said. “I am making it so that when I breach your defenses later, it will feel good for you too.”

“Why do you care so much about how I feel? Don’t you just want to fuck me and get it done?” she asked, straining to get the words out as he kept up an even pace.

“What? Why? Just because I am a conqueror doesn’t mean I treat my women with cruelty. Haven’t you heard the saying you get more flies with honey than vinegar.”

“Do you think all women are yours?” she asked.

He chuckled. “You talk a lot for someone being finger fucked for the first time.”

“Well. . . ?” she looked up at him.

“When you are with me, you are mine,” he said before claiming her lips.

She continued to stroke him, no more questions on her mind.

After a while she seemed to warm more to his actions, her hisses turning to throaty groans and grunts as his three fingers increased to a more frenetic pace. The pent up tension in Nandor's body and the newness of his partner built up a tantalizing pressure in his loins as she continued to stroke him. Before he could lose his head, he placed a hand on hers to halt it.

“I want to save that for when I penetrate you,” he said, almost out of breath.

“And just when is that going to happen?” A loud cry escaped her as she finished the question.

“I want you to come on my hand first. It will help you be able to take me.”

“How do I know when I’ve done that?”

“You’ll know,” he said, continuing his pace.

Her moans got throatier and closer together as he continued to manipulate her body. His fingers grew slick with her essence as he continued to stroke her walls. Her hips began to cant in time to his movements, craving more and desperate for sweet release. He could feel her clit grow bigger under his thumb as she climbed closer to the edge. 

She cried out a guttural “Oh god,” as she thrust hard onto his hand and tightened around his fingers.

“Just like that.” He smiled, stroking her as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. Once her panting had ceased, he removed his fingers from her and traced her lips before sampling them for himself.

She took a tentative taste of herself and made a little face. “Why did you do that?”

“Did you not like it? At least I restrained myself from just shoving them into your mouth and making you lick them clean.” He shrugged.

“Is that something you do often?”

He nodded yes as he climbed atop her, his firm cock pressing at her wet, welcoming entrance.

“Are you ready for me, little lamb?” His eyes were laden with lust, waiting for her to grant him entry.

The woman nodded, thrusting up to rub herself against him. She grinned as his cock twitched in reaction.

He stroked back and forth to tease her, and just when he was about to sheathe himself within, a shrill call was heard from outside the stable. Nandor had not a clue what was said, but the woman beneath him bolted upright, pushed him off of her, and smoothed her dress down.

“Wait, what’s going on, where are you going?” he whined.

“I have to go. I’m being summoned to the house.”

“Are you fucking joking? I didn’t even get to properly fuck you.”

“Sorry, but if I don’t go, there will be hell to pay.” She stumbled as she tried to gain composure.

“But I didn’t even get your name,” he said, his face crestfallen.

“It’s Andrakis,” she said with a big smile. “Thanks for the orgasm, Mr. Conqueror. I had a lovely time.”

And with that she was gone.

Nandor just sat there stunned, shocked, speechless.

Once out of his dumbfounded stupor, he turned to Jahan. “Well, that was certainly a first,” he said as he tucked himself back into his pants.

Jahan’s response was just a loud snort.

“Tell me about it.” Nandor stood up to dust the hay off himself and make himself more presentable. 

After he had straightened his clothes and fixed his hair, looking ever the fierce warrior who had entered the stable earlier that afternoon, he lamented to his trusty steed. “I must have her.”

Just then the envoy came to collect him. They were ready to begin the negotiations.

Nandor smiled. He had come to this country to bring back one bride and now he’d be bringing back two. 


	2. The Present Day: Night Market Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor encounters a long lost love at the Great Kills Park Night Market. How can she be here all these centuries later? What secrets lie beneath her grey cashmere sweater?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to sinaesthete beta reading this for me and letting me bounce ideas off of you. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> Nandor makes mentions of a something that is a statistical anomaly, but it just works better for the narrative. Forgive my faulty science/stats.

Nandor liked coming to this park on a crisp fall night such as tonight. Not only was it aptly named Great Kills, but it had a nice cozy ambiance to it. The leaves had turned a brilliant gold and tawny color but had yet to fall from their homes, painting the park in a beautiful autumnal palette. The air was much cooler now than it had been even a week ago, and though Nandor was a cold creature of the night, he enjoyed this weather the best.

He had come to this park with the household, but each member had gone their separate ways. Nadja and Laszlo had paired off to hunt and probably engage in public nudity. Colin had spotted a work colleague out with his family and decided to crash the evening for some delicious energy consumption. Even Guillermo must have had some other business to attend to since the man didn’t even tell Nandor where he was going. If he were being honest, he didn’t really mind. So little of the former warrior’s time was spent alone in the truest sense of the word. 

Just him. 

No one else. 

It was a treat really.

Nandor had found a particular enticing victim early in the evening. The man had a slender neck, high cheekbones, and steely blue eyes. It was easy to enthrall him and lead him to the secluded grove where Nandor loved to feast. Most anyone who looked about would think they were a couple ready to embark on an outdoor tryst. It certainly started out that way. That was until Nandor’s lips pressed into the man’s neck and instead of laving the tender flesh with his tongue, pierced the pulse point with his fangs and drained him until the man went limp in his arms.

With his blood lust satiated he could now just enjoy the sights and sounds of the little park until it was time to depart back to the mansion. The place was a flutter with life tonight. All sorts of people were out and about with their children and pets. In the far corner of the greenspace lie a little bazaar. It seemed to be teeming with booths, both with games and vendors selling food and other wares. It almost reminded him of home.

He had been thinking about home a lot lately — his homeland, to be exact. A place he was no longer welcome, banished centuries ago for all the killing and pillaging and torturing.

But that was all in the past. He was a different person now. 

A vampire. 

A fierce creature. 

A monster.

“Hello little duckies, do you want some food perhaps? I have brought you some pellets that will provide for your nutrition.” He said, tossing out little brown orbs that were definitely not Guillermo’s dried poops he was so fond of eating. Nandor had acquired them from a nearby automat vendor. The little pellets smelled repulsive to him, but he was sure the duckies would like them. They had in all the times past he had been here.

Nandor sat and watched the waterfowl fight over the food. “There is enough for everyone, please don’t be fighting. I can get more,” he scolded them as he tossed more feed their way.

After the duckies had moved on from their feast and back to their pond, Nandor looked over at the bazaar. He noticed a tent had sprung up where one hadn’t been moments earlier. It was an electric purple hue and had an almost inhuman glow about it. Nandor couldn’t help but be drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.

His eyes lit up as he approached his destination. Next to the tent was a little pen of goats. And you could just walk right in and pet them and feed them more pellets. This was wonderful.

Nandor acquired two more bags of feed to give to all the little goat boys and girls. He found a nice place and let several baby goats nuzzle his hand and eat from it. Their little baby bleats filled him with so much joy. There were so many colors of goats with little horns sprouting from their heads. Black, white, brown, grey, motley-hued. He looked up from the babies and spotted one goat in particular who looked like she could use some extra attention.

“Well hello there, Mrs. Goat.” He walked over and gently patted her on her protruding belly. “You are full of little goat babies, aren’t you?”

The goat let out a long bleat.

“Well, I bet it’s very rough to be full of babies like that. I had many wives in my younger days and a few of them did have more than one baby in their womb at one time. They were just miserable the whole time what with the babies swimming around and fighting in there. It made me sad to see them this way. Are you miserable too, Mrs. Goat?”

The goat let out a longer, louder bleat and then nuzzled Nandor’s hand.

“You must be hungry,” he said, giving her access to the rest of the last bag.

As the mother goat devoured the food, Nandor looked up at the fence. A cat caught his eye. Sleek frame, midnight black fur. Golden eyes that bore right into his soul. If he didn’t know better, the cat was actually analyzing him.

“Aren’t you a lovely creature, little kitty? Do you live with the goats or are you needing a home?”

The cat continued to stare at him, tilting its head before grooming itself.

Just as Nandor was about to approach the small creature, a far-off noise caught his attention. It was a discordant clanging, as if someone dropped a bunch of swords upon a ceramic floor. When he turned around the little kitty was gone. His heart sank a bit at the revelation.

Nandor continued to look about the pen to see if more creatures needed his love and affection when an entirely different type of creature caught his eye.

He turned to see a woman a few feet away from him, closer to the entrance of the pen. She was just a little pale, yet her skin had a warm glow to it that was almost ethereal under the light of the moon.

She didn’t look to be much over the age of 35, dark rimmed glasses in the shape of a cat’s eye framing her face nicely. She was dressed rather plainly in a tea length black frock and a short grey sweater that cut off just below her chest, the sleeves extending only just past her elbows. If she wore any cosmetic enhancements, they were very natural. Her lips were stained the color of fresh berries and her cheeks had a nice flush to them despite the night air being rather chilly. Her hair hung long down her back, a lovely golden brown with traces of honey and amber. 

He just stood there taking in the site of her. Her waist was uncorseted but her hips still flared out nicely from them and her bottom was ample. She was a little short, but what woman wasn’t compared to his impressive height? She would look nice by his side. A queen for his lowly Staten Island kingdom of his street and Ashley street.

Nandor wasn’t starved for hunger, but he was starved for companionship. Maybe he could go for another hunt tonight, instead of food it could be friendship, maybe something more that also started with the letter F if he were feeling bold enough. 

It had been a long time since he was in a relationship and an even longer time since he was fully intimate with someone. Tearing off clothes, kissing, biting, writhing and rutting inside a partner. Letting them do rutting and writhing inside you. Holding them in the afterglow of post coital bliss, placing a gentle kiss upon their brow. 

His little dalliances with Laszlo didn’t count. Those were always partially clothed, infrequent, and over too soon.

The woman bent down, petting a little baby goat who was letting it be known what he was having a great time with how much he was nuzzling her hand and bleating softly into the night air.

Something about this woman drew him to her and he couldn’t quite place why. He had felt it before, just a tinge, tugging at him as if by an invisible string.

He carefully walked up to her as not to frighten her away. His least predatory approach, making sure his footfalls would be heard crunching on the parched grass.

“That is quite a fine little goat you’ve got there.” He said, trying to be casual as he leaned up against the fence.

Even though the woman was looking down, he could sense the peculiar look upon her face. Nandor frowned, why did he make a comment about the goat? That was not how one approached a potential companion.

“It’s a very nice night to be out in the park. This bazaar is quite nice. I was thinking of taking a look around if you were looking to have a walk around too.” He said, feeling bolder despite his earlier slip.

The woman looked up at him, her eyes squinted as if she were trying to take in all of his features. Her eyes started at his boots, up his dark trousers, over his brocade vest, and then down his elegant cape.

“That is quite the look you are sporting.” she said, “Do you work at the Night Market?”

“Oh, this old thing. I just like to be looking my best.” he preened.

“It’s a look that suits you well. Very elegant. Regal even.” She looked down again, avoiding his gaze.

“Well, thank you. Your little black frock is quite nice too. And the little gray sweater looks very warm. Is that cashmere?”

“Yes, how could you tell?” she looked at him curiously.

“I know a thing or two about fashion.” He grinned, admiring the rings on his hand.

“And you can just tell by looking at a sweater, it’s material?” She turned away.

“Yes, I have few cashmere pieces in my collection. The quality is evident, but I could confirm it by getting a feel of the fabric.” He shrugged.

“You want to touch my sweater?” She turned and gave him a skeptical look.

“Not without your permission.” He hesitated. “May I touch your shoulder? I promise, I don’t bite.”

She eyed him a bit longer and he made certain to hide his fangs from her. The woman seemed to be contemplating his suggestion. Her face lit up with curiosity and she nodded in agreement as she stated, “Go ahead. Just the shoulder.”

Nandor carefully placed a hand upon her shoulder and moved it just a bit to get the feel of the material beneath him, his fingers ever so lightly dancing against the fine fabric. He sensed the woman shiver at this light touch. She must be cold with those little sleeves ending where they did. “This is very high-quality cashmere. You have excellent taste.”

“Well, that is very kind of you.” She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

Nandor looked at her and blinked for several minutes. The old cogs in his brain, having lain dormant for years, laden with rust and dust, sprang to life from their inert position as if they had been greased with fresh oil.

“You remind me of someone I know, but. . .”

“But what?” she smirked.

“But it is not possible for this. It was so long ago.” he said. He rested his other hand upon her shoulder, to take in her visage better.

“You just favor her is all. She didn’t have these spectacles and she wore longer dresses, but still. . .” He tamped down the feelings he was feeling. If she favored her of all people, that would mean-

Her voice interrupted his thoughts. “Well, if you’re thinking of conquering me before getting my name, just so you know, I don’t plan to run off into any horse stables with you for a roll in the hay.”

His hands traversed a path over her collarbone and up her neck before settling to cradle her face. Nandor’s thumbs idly traced circles on her skin as his eyes gazed into hers, searching for answers. He could feel her pulse, rapid as if she was anticipating something too. She smiled at him. That big beautiful smile. A smile that had been burned into his memory for over seven centuries.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked her.

She let out a little laugh. “You don’t look that different, to be honest. And even if you did, I would recognize your tone anywhere. You could be speaking a hundred different foreign tongues and I would always know it was you, my Nandor.”

The pang in his chest came back, but it was somehow different. He didn’t feel like he needed to hide it away now, bury it in the dark recesses of his soul.

“But how are you still alive, standing before me?” he asked.” You don’t seem to have a white pale face and little pointy fangs, my Andrakis.”

Her smile beamed brighter. “One need not be a bloodthirsty creature to live on for eternity, my dear one.”

They fell into a tight embrace, he buried his face into her neck, taking in her scent. She smelled like home.

“I have missed you so much, my love,” he said. “You are still as beautiful as when we last laid eyes upon each other.” Nandor’s hands rested just at her hips, taking in the beautiful curves of her body.

“That’s very kind of you to say. I think you’re somehow more handsome than when I last saw you.”

“It’s the clothes.” He preened.

“No, I wouldn’t say it’s the clothes.” She looked up to give him a raised brow.

Nandor grinned down at her and raised a brow of his own. It didn’t matter what it was, he just wanted to hold her like this in perpetuity. Andrakis had escaped him once and now she was back.

They broke apart when the goatherd came upon them, clearing his throat. He eyed them and pointed at all the kids in the pen, and not just the goat ones. They nodded in unison and made motion to leave.

“Bye-bye, little goats,” Nandor said with a wave. 

Once they were clear of the pen Andrakis asked, “so did you actually want to check out the fair together?”

“Oh, yes, that was a genuine offer. I haven’t had a look around yet.”

“What are we waiting for then?” she said, looping her arm into his.

Nandor felt something stir within him again that was most definitely not lust. That feeling usually pooled in his nether regions. This was much higher, where his dormant heart lay. He made a note to ask Guillermo about it later.

The two walked around the bazaar, checking out the food and the wares. Andrakis purchased some little jars of preserves and other sundries that Nandor could not partake of. They stopped at each booth even if they didn’t purchase something from the vendor.

Walking together with her, arm in arm, side by side, made him think of times back in the past when it was just the two of them at the beginning of their relationship. They were literally so young then compared to now. She just passed her eighteenth birthday, he just passed his twenty-sixth.They had been newly wed according to the laws of her land and were traveling from her home back to his to be wed more officially there. They did a lot of stopping in markets for supplies, trying exotic foods, meeting cute animals. Some of that time was spent with Nandor protecting her from the lustful glances of other men thinking she was unattached. That was the danger of traveling so light with just his wife and a small envoy. 

Their journey back to Al Quolanudar allowed them to spend all day together and all night too. It was the only time in Nandor’s life he ever had a steady single partner if one didn’t count the other wives back home who were awaiting him. In normal circumstances, he would take a different wife into his chambers every night, sometimes a concubine. But on this journey he had not brought another wife nor concubine. He didn’t even pick up another companion on their way home, even though several opportunities presented themselves. He just wanted to be with Andrakis. She had allured him, enraptured him, cast her spell on him. 

He always felt that this exclusivity period spoiled Andrakis a little too much. She was already so forward with him, so his one-on-one attention for months on end emboldened her further. It didn’t help that she was the first of his wives to bear him a son either. It cemented her status among the family as the top wife despite being the 19 th acquired.

He loved her all the same though, just as he loved almost all of his other wives.

This evening, when they weren’t walking arm in arm, they were holding hands, falling back into their past relationship roles easily. It felt all too familiar and foreign at the same time. A companion to have and to hold. In sickness and in health if he were going by the modern version of the western wedding vows he had heard at one of Laszlo and Nadja’s many weddings. Well, she and the others certainly didn’t hold to the former part of that vow or its past equivalent. 

Of course, the vows had been vastly different in their day and age too, but that was besides the point. She was here now. She was alive, somehow, some way. They could worry about all the past angst later.

They took a moment to rest on a bench so that Andrakis could finish a beverage she had acquired, a little raspberry lemonade, without having to juggle her shopping bag. The pink beverage had little bits of berry in it, making him think of delicious clotted blood.

They sat in silence, the only sounds breaking through were the liquids quickly draining from her cup.

“I can hold you items for you, you know,” he said. “I don’t mind.”

“I can hold them. I just wanted to sit and take in the sights for a moment. It’s nice to slow down and observe.”

“True. I like looking at all of the activities in the park. It’s very peaceful.” He leaned back to look at a cute little squirrel eating a nut.

“That’s interesting because peace seemed to make you rather antsy when I first knew you.” She finished her drink and tossed it in the bin.

“Is a man not allowed to grow and change over the course of the centuries?” he shrugged, raising a brow at her.

“That is true.” She said, getting up from the bench.

They walked around some more and found little bales of hay and some piled up that had yet to be organized into tight little rectangles. 

“Well, would you have a look at this.” She grinned and ran up to it. “We could recreate our first encounter.”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be going into any stables with me,” he said, eyeing her.

“I don’t see any stables!” she said, giggling and falling back onto the hay.

“Maybe I should take you up on this offer then.” He grinned, falling on top of her.

She made a grunt as his weight pinned her. “Hey now, I really was joking.” She strained to speak.

“So am I,” he said, rolling off of her. “This is a public place. We shouldn’t be fooling around where humans could see. We’re not a couple of perverts.”

She made a face at that. “Well, maybe not any more. But the things we did on our way back to Al Quolanudar would make most mortals today blush and question what they know about human sexuality pre-Victorian era.”

Hey eyed her incredulously. “I’m serious. We’re not fucking out here.”

“I agree. But we could just lie here a while. Look at the stars.”

And so they did just that, idly talking about what they saw in the constellations. There was space between them, but their hands intertwined as they looked up into the abyss of night.

“Do you miss being out in the sun?” she turned to ask him.

“I am absolutely terrified of it, so I can’t say that I really miss it that much.” 

“I just remember how you liked to lay out in the sun sometimes with your horse. I think you would go out there to avoid all of us.” 

“I wouldn’t say I was avoiding you all. It’s just that sometimes I really wanted to be alone.” He let the silence hang in the air. “But maybe I do miss the warmth on my face sometimes. Candles and hearths just don’t measure up.”

“You could try the tanning beds. I bet they would be safe since it’s just bright lights. Not too different from sleeping in a coffin.”

“I don’t know if that would work. I only know one vampire who sleeps in a tanning bed and he’s very odd.” He cringed as the thought of those rat tails entered his brain.

“You wouldn’t have to sleep there, just use it for warmth, maybe add a bit of color to your skin.” She shrugged.

“I’m happy with the way I look now,” he said, feeling a prick of annoyance spark at the back of his mind. What was wrong with being pale?

“As am I. It was just a thought.” She smiled.

He stood up first and then helped her from her supine position. They assisted one another as they dusted off the errant hay that clung to their clothes.

Nandor reached down and plucked one piece from her hair, running the strand behind her ear. She reached and plucked a piece out in kind, returning the favor. He leaned into her touch as she pushed his hair behind his ears too.

“Yours is so much easier because you don’t wear glasses.” She blushed.

“I think your spectacles are superb. They make you look very . . .how do you say . . . like a MILF.”

If she had been drinking, she would have done a spit take. “Nandor,” she whispered, “Do you know what that phrase means?” her eyes opened so wide they overtook her face.

“Of course I know what a MILF is, I called you one.” He crossed his arms like a petulant child.

“What does it mean then?”

“Mother I’d love to be fucking,” he said nonchalantly.

She blushed even further.

“Oh, stop that, Andrakis. We’re both adults here. You were literally talking about fucking not two minutes ago. Would you rather me think you are a virgin or something. We had three kids together. I think it's a pretty apt label for you.”

“Four kids.” She said.

“Four? Are you sure? I don’t remember a fourth one.”

“She was born after we all left you.” Andrakis said, looking down and hugging herself.

“Oh, right. I vaguely remember something about that.” He felt his eyes sting a bit. “But that’s wonderful to hear, you always wanted a little girl.” He wiped away the tear that threatened to spill forth.

“Yes, anyway,” she changed the subject back, “I didn’t know that this is where your mind was already going, what with us literally having just met again and all the hand holding and such.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean right now or anything. I just think you are very desirable.” He crossed his arms.

“Oh, well, you could have just said that.”

“Well, they mean the same thing to me. You are a mother, you are desirable, I want to engage in intercourse with you.”

“But you just said-“

“Later, I want to engage in intercourse with you later. Not in the park. Someplace with pillows or a bed even.”

“You don’t do that in a bed anymore?” her pupils widened at that revelation.

“It’s not really necessary when you’re a vampire.” He shrugged.

“Okay then.” Her voice was quiet as she gathered up her bags.

They dropped that subject and made their way back to the purple tent that had lured him not one hour ago.

The smell of sage and other herbs flooded his senses as they breached the entrance. He looked around at the expanse above him. It was much bigger on the inside. “What sorcery is this?” he asked, turning around to take in the whole room.

“Relax, Nandor, it’s just a little bit of harmless magic,” she smirked, gripping his arm.

He took in his surroundings more carefully now. The little potions and tinctures on the makeshift shelves, the tomes, the cards, the crystals.

“Witches,” he whispered to her, clinging more closely to Andrakis. “We must be careful. I won’t have my semen stolen yet again.”

“Nandor,” she pulled away from him quickly, “are you not a fan of witches?”

“I mean, they are semen stealers and deceivers.” He said, trying to be quiet so that the proprietors didn’t overhear him. He didn’t think witches had supernatural hearing, but he couldn’t be too careful. One could be right under his nose listening to them.

“Oh.” She looked away, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

“Oh? That’s all you have to say? We are in the lion’s den and we are the lambs, my dear,” he said, clinging to her again and looking around for any threats.

As Nandor did his threat assessment he also looked over at the vast array of products. Nandor the Relentless was not normally one to visit a shop such as this of his own free will, run by witches of all people. But he was in need of a few things a vampire could not get at the VCS, so he removed himself from Andrakis to browse around, deeming the place safe. For now. He needed new hair and beard oils and witches did make top quality products.

“I guess if we’re here, we might as well shop.” He shrugged.

“If we are in the lion’s den, then that makes me the lion this time, I guess,” she murmured sadly. 

“What are you saying over there, my little lamb?” He picked up some sex oil and made a show of pointing at it with a big grin on his face.

Andrakis cheeks flushed and she just turned and walked over to the wall of plain essential oils. She found some things she needed and grabbed a basket to put her potential purchases in.

She seemed to be having a serious thought by the way she looked at the two bottles currently in her hands. Could it really be that hard to choose oils for one's needs? No, of course not. And yet there was something else about her demeanor that was gnawing at the back of his mind. What had made her mood turn so suddenly? It couldn’t have been the sex talk, right?

Nandor let her be for now. He found a beard oil that would be to his liking and one for his hair too. And a lotion for good measure. One could never skimp on skin care. Once he had his little basket full of his needs he walked over to her.

“I find that the spearmint is a lot more pleasant than the wintergreen. It would pair well with that lemon you have in your little basket,” he said.

Just before she could speak up, a familiar voice called out to him. “Well, hello Nandor, fancy seeing you here after the incident. Tell me, when will your delightful little familiar be bringing us the next batch? We’ve been running a bit low lately.”

“Hello, Lilith. Nice to be seeing you.” He grimaced. “I take it this is some sort of offshoot of your little store in Brooklyn. Also, I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about Guillermo’s side hustling like that.”

She cooed, “There’s no shame in it, it’s honest work, I’m sure. And yes, we like to come to the Night Market in the fall. Drum up more business and the like.” She turned to address Andrakis next. “And my dear, you seem to be well acquainted with old Nandor here. He’s very high quality if you catch my drift.” Lilith winked as she patted him on the chest.

A pretty pink blush crept up on Andrakis’s face as those words sank into her brain.

“Speaking of high quality, I can fulfill your latest order here instead of your having to go out to Brooklyn for it, if you wish,” Lilith said.

“Oh, sure, I guess,” Andrakis replied, following Lilith to the back of the shop.

Nandor eyed the two of them curiously. Lilith went to a little desk that had one of those weird tablets on it that Nandor could never quite use because of the screen being too modern. Lilith grabbed several mason jars with a familiar label on them and put them in a purple bag. He grimaced. What would she be needing that for? He wouldn’t be able to see the marking system Guillermo used to differentiate the jars from his position away from the counter. He’d have to take a peek later to confirm. He didn’t want Laszlo’s semen anywhere near his wife.

Nandor moved up to the counter in one fluid motion and produced his money clip. “I’ll take care of this,” he said.

“You don’t have to pay for my items, Nandor. I have the money.”

“I insist.” He handed Lilith a large bill to cover the cost of their combined items. Did he really just pay for Andrakis to have a jar of his own or Laszlo’s semen among her other skincare supplies? This day couldn’t get any weirder.

Lilith handed him back the change but spoke to Andrakis directly. “Don’t forget our offer. It’s still open at any time.” 

Andrakis nodded, “Sure. I’ll get back to you.”

Nandor eyed them both one more time before departing, the cogs in his brain going for a second run today.

“What are you not telling me, my dear?” he asked but already knew the answer.

“Would you like to go to dinner? Maybe we could talk more in a place that’s not so open to the night air.” She flashed him a grin, but it began to falter at his silence.

Before he could remind her that vampires don’t eat food, he heard a far off call.

“Nandor, you bloody knob lord, what are you doing over there in front of that vile tent of scum and villainy!”

“Are you trying to get your semen stolen again, you big bloody turkey? At least let Guillermo help you with that so we get our cut!”

“I don’t help him. He is perfectly capable of doing that all by himself.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind anyone taking my semen. Just throwing that out there.”

Nandor frowned, a queasy feeling entered his stomach. He turned to them and waved them off before turning back to Andrakis.

“I have to go. Maybe we can talk later though.” 

Andrakis witnessed Nandor turn on dime, his cape waving majestically in the cool night air. He joined his companions, two who were very clearly vampires and two who were very clearly human. Maybe not quite human as one’s eyes began to glow an eerie blue that seemed to make Nandor go weak.

“But you didn’t even give me your number or get mine,” she said, letting the words die on the wind, not even loud enough for him to hear with his vampiric senses.

A black cat came to rub its face against her bare shin, letting out a loud purr before meowing up to her.

“Well, we found him alright. But I don’t think he’ll have me after all that went down just now.”

The cat let out an even louder meow, almost as if she were issuing judgement.

“I know, I know. It was pretty dumb. I should have known better.”

She watched as they departed, and her heart sank. 

He didn’t even turn back to wave goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life force, lol. I appreciate each and every one.


	3. The Past: Banquets and Betrothals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a problem crops up about his intended bride-to-be, Nandor is offered some alternate candidates. However, he has eyes for only one women in this kingdom. Too bad every time he tries to ask about her, someone else interrupts him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to sinaesthete for helping me brainstorm the ideas for this chapter.
> 
> Another huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me and my friend Josh for being another pair of eyes when I was having some editing struggles. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> And finally a huge shout out to the Nandermo Discord for some of Nandor's choice phrases to Andrakis. Chels and Noxxie_Moon were especially helpful in that regard.
> 
> This chapter has some old world violence and attitudes about women mentioned, but not written out in visceral detail.

Nandor was greeted by his advisors upon arriving with the envoy to meet his bride-to-be. They had been making him wait long enough and he was getting impatient. He looked around at all the wood and pictured this place engulfed in flames. He buried those thoughts deep into the back of his mind as the thoughts of that stable woman cropped back up. He could not raze this place to the ground and let her be taken in by the hot flames of conquest. No, he had other plans for her and made a note to ask about acquiring her for the journey home. He was sure his new wife wouldn’t mind having a servant around.

He turned to his top advisor, “So, what is this bride-to-be like, anyway? She will fit in with the rest back home?”

“Yes, sire. We think she will do very nicely. Demure and chaste.” His shaky voice betrayed the confident air his words aimed for.

Nandor admired his nails as his advisors droned on about this woman’s virtues. He rolled his eyes and thought about the taste of  _ her _ on his tongue. It was a shame they didn’t get to really go at it properly. Interrupted too soon before the good part. So virginal yet so eager to throw herself at him.

He was looking forward to exploring all the possibilities with her later. He would take her into his chambers and lay her down and sup from her nether regions, the one thing she had denied him of earlier. Once she was satisfied, he would have her repay the favor until he was ready to deflower her. He would have to take it slow so as not to hurt her more than it was going to. Maybe he would let her ride on top of him, her controlling the pace and the pleasure. Or maybe he would take her from behind, reaching around to provide extra stimulation on her sensitive flesh. Or maybe they’d go the traditional way with him in full control and her beneath him so he could gaze upon her writhing form as he filled her with-

He was broken from his fantasy when a voice said, “Greetings, Nandor the Relentless of Al Quolanudar. We are so pleased that you have agreed to our offer to marry one of our daughters in exchange to keep our alliance amicable.”

“Yes, I hear that she is quite the catch, but I was just wondering about-”

The father of the bride-to-be interrupted him. “Well, there is just a slight problem.”

“Problem? Did you know about this problem?” Nandor turned to his advisor who cowered at his glare.

“You see, our lovely eldest daughter has fallen ill.”

“Ill, I don’t see the problem. Ill is not dead, right?” Nandor said.

“Well, she’s not long for this world, let’s just say.” There was an oily quality to the nobleman’s tone.

Nandor turned to his advisor who said, “The daughter is not as chaste as they first claimed, but they have found a lovely selection of replacements for you, sire.”

“You told me she would be demure and chaste. So that was a lie? I want to know where the wife I was promised is?” Nandor said, hitting his fist on the wall.

“Well, she’s in the infirmary with the midwife.” The nobleman said.

“Midwife? You mean?” his face soured.

“Yes, it was quite the shock for us all considering. It’s being taken care of, but we cannot possibly let you take her back with you. . .”

“I see.” Nandor said. This was certainly a first. He had to commend them for not trying to saddle him with a wife so newly marred as to not be any use to him. “So you said you had a replacement?”

“Yes, an assortment of the most eligible ladies in the kingdom.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” He smirked.

A finger was snapped, and twelve women were escorted into the chamber and lined up for inspection by their potential husband. They were dressed in matching white frocks, their hair loose from any styles.

“And I can just have the one?” he said, licking his lips.

“That was the deal, but seeing the trouble we have put you through, we could make a bargain for two.” The nobleman said.

Nandor walked down the aisle, inspecting each woman individually. They were all pretty enough, he supposed. They couldn’t compare to the women of his homeland, of course. These faces were sun kissed, but nothing like the beauties in his harem. They all looked to have hips capable of bearing a son for him, but as he eyed each of them up and down, one by one, there was just something not quite right. Crossed eyes, a snaggle tooth, knock-kneed, and a dozen other reasons why these women were not suitable for the taking.

After inspecting the last one he stamped his foot and yelled, “These will not do. You say you have brought me your best, but there is something wrong with all of these ladies. This is unacceptable.”

“Surely even just one would-”

“No, I would not even take these women to my chambers as a concubine let alone as one of my wives. I’m not some cave-pig who will rut around on any willing mate. I am the ruler of my country and I will only take the best of the best. If you don’t have anything better to offer, then I shall send for my men-“

“There is no need for that-”

Nandor cut him off, “Now, as I was inquiring about earlier-”

“Now, now, we have others we can bring. This was just a test.” The nobleman said, his voice trembling. 

"Good, because it seems like you were perhaps trying to pawn off your duds on some unsuspecting foreigner. Well, that won't work on me, I'm relentless, not restless.”

“Of course not, we just wanted to see what type of women you liked, that's all. We have a big feast planned, a dance, and all of the loveliest ladies of the land will be there. You can find one who meets your fancy, maybe even three, and we’ll call it a deal.”

Nandor slowed his breathing to calm his nerves and rolled his eyes at this new offer, “Alright, fine. But if I don’t find a suitable wife.” He made hand gestures to imply the razing of his whole place .

“Yes, of course. The best of the best will be there.” The nobleman said as Nandor and his advisors departed the manor.

Nandor didn’t stay long to talk to his advisors before heading for the stables to be with Jahan. This whole day had been a huge waste of his time. He knew he should have just destroyed this whole kingdom instead of trying to maintain this foolish alliance set in place by his grandfather two generations ago. He felt a wave of calm flow through him as he stood by his proud steed. Maybe that lovely lady would be here again, and they could continue where they left off. He had failed to inquire about her despite his efforts. He could broker her deal at the feast. Even if no suitable wife could be found, he would not be leaving the place empty handed.

The only person in the stables at the moment was some stable boy. 

"Hello, do you know where the stable girl is?"

The boy just stared at him, mouth agape.

"She was about this tall." Nandor motioned to where her head hit at his shoulder.

The boy continued to stare at him.

"She had long hair, kind of billowy with little sunlights in it." Nandor motioned over his own to mimic hers.

Nothing.

And try as Nandor might, he couldn’t get the boy to understand a word he was saying when he tried to ask about the girl. No amount of slower speech, louder speech, nor hand motions got through to the lad.  


“Is it so hard to find good help around here?” he said to Jahan after the boy ran off.  


Jahan just let out a huge snort.

“I know. We’ll be home sooner than you think.”

Beyond frustrated and just wishing to be alone to take care of his own needs, Nandor retired to his chambers only to be greeted by his advisors waiting for him.

They reiterated the importance of finding a suitable wife here. For the future of the alliance and their own country. Al Quolanduar needed this nation's resources to thrive. It didn’t matter what she looked like, she just had to be in the childbearing years, even if he had to put a cloth over her head to sire a child with her. Nothing said he had to keep bringing her back to his chambers every night. 

"That’s what concubines are for." His head advisor said, not breaking eye contact with Nandor.  


Nandor rolled his eyes and felt himself growing an ache in his head as his advisors talked and talked about doing what’s best for the country and not for his own personal needs.

Before he knew it, it was time to attend the feast. He’d have to take care of his needs another time. His attaché readied him for the party, ever the professional; he had not once remarked on the semi-hard bulge hiding beneath Nandor’s breeches.

Once bathed and in his nighttime finery, he was escorted to the party, the most esteemed and honored guest.

Everyone immediately fawned over him, wanting to talk to and impress the big, bad conqueror. And the party, while having good food and decent music, was just a bloody bore. All the ladies brought to him were so vapid. He didn’t want someone vapid in his life. He had enough of that dealing with his soldiers. He was looking for something more. Something else.

After meeting the same girl in different dresses, he decided to wander around the grounds. Everyone wanted to talk to him, to catch his attention, but he was really just feeling like being alone now.

When the opportunity struck, he ducked out for a moment into the courtyard. And who did he spot but that woman from the stables, the one woman he had actually wanted. But what was she doing here all dressed up? She looked absolutely stunning in a brilliant blue gown; her hair done up in elegant curls. She was all alone leaning against a wall. Her face was turned up, looking at the stars. The woman had a longing look in her eyes as if she were deeply sad.  


Nandor walked up to her, “Fancy meeting you again, Andrakis, was it?”

She turned and her grimace morphed into a grin, “Hello, Mr. Conqueror. Found you a new wife yet?”

“Actually, no. The first candidate was giving birth apparently so no deal.”

“Yes, I had heard about that. Poor woman. That baby will be the death of her.”

“What are you saying, did she die during-”

“No, chastity is really big in this household, so she’s going to be-” Andrakis made a throat slitting motion.

Nandor’s eyes grew wide, “Yeesh.”

“Yeah, pretty harsh for something that happens a lot.”

He quirked a brow at her. “Noblewomen are constantly becoming with child before they are married off to conquerors?”

“Well, kind of. I think they do it so they don’t have to be taken away from here. But sometimes it doesn’t work in their favor. Like tonight.”

“They’re really going to kill her?”

“Yes, they are.” Her face was a stone mask of seriousness.  


“Well, maybe she should have been more careful. A baby is a pretty major clue that fornication took place. Noblewomen have to be more careful of these things. What nobleman would want to take on a wife who was supped upon by another man before him?”

A pink flush burned itself on Andrakis’s cheeks. “Well, that hardly seems fair since noblemen are allowed to dip their wicks in anything that walks, but if a noblewoman has the audacity to fool around with a man, it’s off with her head.”

“So you’re saying that her father would-” he made the throat slitting motion, “Just for being fucked?”

“Or even just the illusion of being fucked, yes.” She nodded.

He cocked a brow at her, “Illusion?”

“You know, the numerous other things a man and a woman could do together that are related to the act of coitus.”

“You mean like being penetrated by a man’s fingers or a woman falling upon his sword with just her mouth?”

She nodded in agreement.

“Pretty harsh if you ask me.”

“That’s life though.”

They sat in silence for a while. The cool night breeze was gentle and fragrant with the scent of lemons and olives. Nandor looked up to the sky and occasionally stole a glance at Andrakis's way. Her hair was behind her ears and revealed that she unadorned by any jewelry. The woman's bare neckline was calling to him to place tender nibbles and kisses upon it. How he wanted to bury his face into her and explore her with this hands. If only he could lift her over his shoulder and carry her off to some secluded area so that they could give into their deepest desires.  


Nandor felt his pulse quicken at these thoughts and took a few cleansing breaths to calm himself. He couldn't get carried away now. Not with all eyes upon him.

However, if he played his cards right, maybe he could get away with something. The thrill of the risk surged within him, the fire burning deep in his core, but he knew he had to play it casual.

“This party is really boring, isn’t it?” he asked, still gazing up at the sky.  


“So boring. I hate these events.”

“It’s nice that they would let you come though, right. And in such a pretty frock.” His hand inched closer to her, creeping up her side and resting on her shoulder. He gently traced the exposed flesh of her collarbone with his finger.  


She eyed him, cocking her brow up and then placing her hand upon his trousers, starting at his knee and sliding up the fly where she cupped his bulge.

“Ooh, so forward, my lamb.” He smirked. “But I’m afraid I cannot take you to my chambers for a proper romp. Too many eyes are on me tonight.”

“You could say that again. It’s probably for the best that I not be seen with you, actually. Who knows what people would think.” she shrugged, hand glued to him.

“Maybe I don’t care what other people think.” He cupped her chin and went in for a kiss.

She kissed him back, putting her arms around him.

As their tongues danced back and forth, Nandor felt the bulge in his pants stand further at attention. He pulled away and gazed into her eyes, pupils already blown wide just from this most chaste of actions. He grinned, “Well, maybe we could just find some place more secluded on the grounds? Some place no one would come looking for us. Do you know of any places, sweet lamb?”

“Oh, I know all of the places.” She giggled.

"Good." Everything was falling into place. He let her lead the way and they found a dark corner in the gardens.

“Is it too unhygienic for me to-” He licked his lips and looked down at her lap.

“You want to fight the layers of my dress to do that?”

“Maybe at least a little taste to warm you up.”

“No, really, I don’t want to do that.” She looked away, a faint blush painting her cheeks.

He shrugged, “Well, it’s your loss. Maybe l can change your mind later when we can be truly alone.”

“You plan for this to keep happening?” she looked at him incredulously.

Shit. He had to play more coy with her. “Perhaps if I find you satisfactory." He made sure to admire his nails as he said it to ensure maximum aloofness. When he was sure that she was none the wiser, he turned to gaze into her eyes, "But for now I want you to do something for me.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“I want you to-“ he motioned to his bulge.

“You want to fuck?”

“Not yet. It’s only semi-hard. I need you to work it up for me.”

“Like with my hand?”

“I was thinking with your mouth.” He said, running his thumb over her lips.  


“Wait, people really do that? But that’s where your urine comes from.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I was literally offering to lick the place near where your urine comes out too, so fair’s fair. Plus did you not just mention you are aware that women do sometimes put a penis in their mouth.”

“I just thought that happened in books, not in real life. I’ve never done that before.” She said.

He freed himself from his trousers. “I didn’t think you’d had.”

She eyed him. Even in this state it was quite intimidating, and she was fully aware of what it could grow into. “I don’t know if I can fit you in my mouth.”

“Just do the best that you can, my sweet one.” He said, running his hand down jawline.  


Andrakis got down on her knees, took a deep breath, and gave his penis a tentative lick, starting at the bottom near the base and lapping him up to the head. Her tongue was warm and soft. While it was always fun receiving oral copulation from an experienced partner, there was something even more enticing about a virgin’s tongue. He could shape and mold her to his liking.

As she continued to lick him like some kind of confectionary’s treat, he wondered what books she was reading that described the act in this way. He grabbed her jaw in one hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Take it into your mouth now, little lamb. Licking it doesn’t work on a man like it does a woman.”

“And you know this how?”

He shrugged, “I have eighteen other wives and dozens of concubines back home. I’ve had a lot of experience on the receiving end.”

“And on the giving end?”

He eyed her skeptically, “I am the conqueror."

“And yet you offered to go down on me, I assume you do that for your wives, so have you ever, you know, with like one of your soldiers?”

“I am the conqueror,” he repeated.

“Okay then, but you know, it’s like a open secret among men. You get lonely on the battlefield with no ladies around. We know it happens.” She said with a raised brow.  


“You are talking a lot for it to be your first blow job.” He said, chiding her.  


She literally blew on his dick.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you a blow job.” She shrugged.

“You are being obtuse on purpose.”

"What can I say, I don't have a clue what I'm doing." She went back to languidly licking his penis before swallowing him whole.

Nandor leaned back against the wall, his eyes fluttered closed, and he almost lost it as her warm and wet mouth enveloped him.  


“Lamb, are you sure you’ve not done this before?” he said, feeling the intense pressure build up in his loins.

She popped off his cock. “No, I just know how to read and listen.”

She took him in again and continued to let her mouth be fucked by his cock.

His hands found purchase on the back of her head, stroking her hair as she stroked him with her mouth. There was no way he was leaving this little minx behind. Number one concubine. 

He felt her face squirm as the salty precum emerged from the tip.

“Oh, don’t make that face, it’s a normal taste,” he said.

“It was just a shock is all.” She said, taking a momentary break before returning to the task at hand.

He continued to play with her hair as she bobbed up and down on his cock. He was rock hard now and wanting more. “Why don’t we go to the next step?” he said breathlessly.

“Okay,” she grinned.

He looked around as he helped her up. “I’m going to hold you up against the wall, for leverage. I’m going to need you to wrap your legs around my hips.”

She nodded. Andrakis's lips were beautifully swollen from her ministrations on his penis. Her eyes held him in a hungry gaze.  


Nandor lifted her up and moved her skirts out of the way, pressing her back against the wall. She obliged and wrapped her legs around him, clinging tight. He pressed at her entrance, the wet heat teasing him further as he slicked himself up with her essence to prepare for his invasion.

“Are you ready?” he asked her.

“Yes, impale me with your sword,” she cried out.

And just when he was about to do just that, he heard his name called from afar.

“Fucking seriously?” Nandor nearly dropped her as he cursed his luck.  


“What’s wrong?”

“That’s my advisor. I have to go, sorry for getting your hopes up, little lamb.” Nandor sighed, let her down gently, and tucked himself back into his pants. 

The mood was lost with the continued calling of his name. Each cry a nail in the coffin of his waning libido.

Nandor pulled Andrakis to him, his head resting upon the top of hers. “One of these days I will manage to deflower you properly. Maybe it’s written in the stars that it can’t be in an outside place.”

His advisor's calls grew closer as they became more frequent.  


“I’m sorry, but sure. We can work it out before you have to go. I should go too. Don't want your people to catch us together.” She said, pulling away and running off into the night.  


Nandor sighed and looked up at the stars. “Maybe I should just burn this place to the ground.”

He rounded the corner and met his advisor, giving an excuse of needing some air and some alone time. It seemed to have worked as no questions were asked. The mood killing from earlier had left no evidence of his earlier arousal.  


They walked back into the party together and Nandor spotted Andrakis sitting at the head table looking extremely miserable. Very bold of her to take up such an honored space.

His advisor stopped Nandor from going back to the table, and instead had him meet a half dozen new women who had just arrived at the party. Ever the gentleman, Nandor talked to each of them, but none could hold his interest. He found himself looking up at Andrakis who was resting her face upon her hands, sitting her sadness upon an elbow and staring off blankly into the distance.

“Excuse me for a moment.” He said as one woman was babbling on about throat singing or something else he didn’t quite catch.

He walked up to the table and took a seat next to Andrakis. “Shouldn’t you be cleaning up something or tending to the animals?” he asked her.

She turned and looked over to him, “What are you talking about?” 

But before he could answer the nobleman came over to interrupt.

“Oh, Nandor, I see that you’ve met my youngest daughter, Andrakis. Nice of her to finally make an appearance at the party. She’s just seen the change of eighteen years and yet she’s still acting like a miserable little brat.”

“Your daughter-” Nandor began, but was cut off.

“Yes, well, I guess she’s my only daughter now.” He smirked. “Too bad no one will want to take their chances with her, what with her mother being a servant and all." He attempted to whisper that last part, but it rang loud and clear if not a bit slurred. "Plus she’s petulant and whiny and learned a little too much from all those tutors we supplied her. So ungrateful.”

It made much more sense now. Nandor felt a pain return in his head.

The nobleman blabbed on and on about what a poor wife Andrakis would make and Nandor could see the spirit leaving the poor woman's body. No wonder she had behaved as she did.  


Nandor tuned him out and focused on her features. Would it be so wrong to bring her back in the role of his wife? Not twenty minutes ago he was going to buy her to be his concubine. But as his wife? After she deceived him?

Never had he met someone of her station so forward and headstrong. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a strong-willed wife by his side. He didn’t care that she wasn’t purely of the nobility. Women in his society could rise above that station by providing someone like him a son. She could grow to be fit to bear him a son one day.

Plus, he couldn’t leave her here and risk them finding out about her indiscretion. Sure, they hadn’t gotten very far, but he’d done enough where these people might flip their lids to find out their precious daughter let a conqueror violate her outside the sanctity of marriage in a horse stable of all places.

And then there was the issue of their rendezvous in the corner of the gardens.

Nandor had never had an encounter with a woman that didn’t go fully his way. And now twice he and this particular woman had been prevented from fully engaging in the final act, only allowed to build up to it. He could feel the heat pooling within him just thinking about all the things they could do when she was under his command instead of having to sneak around in the hopes of catching enough time to go all the way.

The more he thought about it, the more he had warmed up to the idea of having this Andrakis by his side. She would certainly spice the trip back home up. But he couldn’t seem too keen on the idea. Play it aloof.

The nobleman’s words interrupted his thoughts. “Have you found a lady that you would like to take back to your country? I know the most eligible ladies have been presented to you,” he said, an eager gleam in his eyes.

“Oh, I have made up my mind, yes,” Nandor said, standing up.

“Oh, then who is the lucky lady?”

Nandor walked around to grab Andrakis’s hand. “I choose Andrakis to be my wife. She’s the most lovely lady in this whole land and quite chaste and demure in my encounter with her just now. She’s perfect for me.” He said, eyeing her.

Andrakis’s eyes were huge saucers, “Um, excuse me, but-”

“But nothing, Andrakis. I would like you to be my wife and accompany me back to my country. You are the only woman here who has captured my full attention. I think you will fit in nicely among my other wives and be a good mother. He paused as he took in the sight of her. “Start thinking of names for our future children.”

“I don’t think you understand-” her father said.

“I quite agree.” Nandor’s head advisor interjected.

“I have made up my mind.” Nandor slammed his fist on the table. “It’s Andrakis or our deal is off.” He lifted her up so she was standing by his side, his arm around her waist. “And then, I’m going to take her away anyway and this place will be embers.” His voice was deadly as he eyed her father.  


“But sire, did you not hear-”

His eyes narrowed and he turned to his advisor. “I said that Andrakis is the only woman for me that I find suitable to take and make my wife. It’s very clear that no one has even laid a finger or three upon her delicate flesh, so she is the perfect bride for me. She’s already fluent in my language from what I can tell, so that’s a plus for me. I don’t want any of these other vapid women as my bride. Just her. Is that clear?” His voice lowered with each declaration.  


“Well, I guess that’s that then,” her father said. “Andrakis, meet your new husband.”

“You can’t be serious,” she said, looking at Nandor instead of her father.

“I am very serious,” Nandor said, looking into her eyes, almost pleading with her.

The entire party had stopped once Nandor had started proclaiming his marriage intentions. All eyes were on him and Andrakis. Once he had declared his proposal final and her father had agreed, whispers among the crowd started to pop up like groundhogs.

“I'm taking her somewhere private to talk.” Nandor said.  


“Not without a guard,” her father insisted.

“Oh, that’s fine,” he said.

They were led to an antechamber with one guard. He confirmed that the guard spoke no Al Quolanudarese before addressing Andrakis.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked.

Her mouth fell agape. “Me? I could ask the same of you.”

“You are going around the place fucking around with a random man when you are of noble birth. Don’t you know that could get you killed?”

Andrakis put her hands on her hips and stared up at Nandor. “So it wasn’t a problem to fuck around with me when you thought I was just a peasant?”

He stared down at her, unsure how to respond. After a few awkward beats Nandor whispered to her, “Why did you let me think you were a peasant girl, anyway? That was highly irresponsible. You could have been hurt by someone less merciful than me. Do you normally go around seducing all the household visitors?”

“Would you have done all of those things if you knew I was the lord of the house’s daughter?”

He crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. “Well, that's different.”

“How is it different?”

“It’s just different.” He shrugged.  


“I don’t think it’s really that different though.” She touched his shoulder to turn him to face her.  


He placed his hands upon her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “And you, you just go around letting anyone fuck around with you in the stables? Don’t you know that’s how you get taken advantage of?”

“Hold on a moment. You are the only man I’ve ever been with like that. And you’re one to talk, you were totally ready to take advantage of me with all of your close proximity and seduction moves.”

Nandor’s mouth fell agape at her accusation and then he composed himself. “Well, that’s why I am making you my wife.”

“Because you feel bad that you violated me?”

“Hey, I did not violate you. I asked your permission before going forward with all the actions. And keep your voice down, do you want to get yourself killed too if they found out I plundered you? We very nearly had sex out there. Twice.”

“So you are marrying me because . . .”

“Because it’s what’s right.” He said. “I can’t leave you here and risk your virtue being questioned and then-” he made a throat slitting motion.

“Well, how honorable of you, Mr. Conqueror, to be so concerned with my perceived virtue.” She crossed her arms and turned away from him.

“Thank you,” he preened, “and it’s Nandor, call me Nandor.”

“Sure thing, Nandy.” He could practically hear the eye roll in her tone.  


He grimaced and held his head in his hands. His headache was getting worse.

Andrakis turned to face him, her face a sour grimace. “So what happens now? Do you like, take me into your chambers and we seal the deal?”  


“That would violate the protocols of our betrothal, which I don't understand why you seem to be so against happening. I would think you would be happy that someone of my status would want to be marrying you."  


She let out a little huff. “You didn’t seem so concerned with protocols and propriety earlier in the garden or the stables.”

“Well, that was before I learned of your deception. Which I can see why you might be acting that way considering how your father talked of you. Have you really never tried anything with anyone before? I was supposed to marry your sister, I presume. Seems pretty bold of you to try to get a taste of me before she did.”

“You are the first person I tried that with, yes. And it was more just being in the right place at the right time. I could tell you were into me, so I went for it. I didn’t really think anything would come from it. I figured you’d be leaving here with her. . . that was until. . .”

“And the second time in the gardens?”

“I figured you’d pick someone else considering my mother is just a lowly household servant, a foreigner. Like you said, I should be honored someone like you would want to marry someone like me.”

“Wait, you are twisting my words. I am not saying you aren't good enough for me. I am just saying that I am quite the catch, you know, being a ruler and all. And foreigner? What do you mean your mother is a foreigner?"  


“The most basic definition of the word. She’s not native to this land. She’s actually from Al Quolanudar. She came over here when she was very young.”

Nandor's face morphed from frustration to interest. “Which part?”

“The southwestern region.”

“Ah, my family hails from the Northeastern region.” This was just getting better for him. She was part Al Quolanudarian, she could speak the language, she was smart, and she was beautiful.

Andrakis's looked to be on the verge of tears as she continued to speak. “I just wanted to see what it could be like be with someone like you. Someone of your standing. Someone who commands real power. Someone who isn’t already an old man. My father doesn’t seem to have a desire to see me married off to someone of quality. I wasn't trying to deceive you. I just didn't think you'd ever find out.”

He took her face into his hands, his own features softening as he looked into her eyes. “Well, it’s not up to him now. I’m very serious about marrying you if you will have me as your husband. I’m sure your parents will want to have a little ceremony and another feast before we depart back for home, so that it’s official in their eyes, but as far as I’m concerned you are my wife.” He dipped down and kissed her. She kissed back, only breaking away when the guard made an annoyed grunt. “So what do you say?”  


She nodded a silent yes, her big, beautiful smile truly beaming for first time that night.

He gazed into her eyes a bit longer and then said, “As I am now your husband and you are now mine, it is up to me to deal out justice because you’ve been bad.”

Her smile set into a firm line. She rolled her eyes at him, “Really?”

“Yes, really. You were bad, you need to be punished. You could have been hurt. . . or worse.”

“But I was with you!"

“So?” he shrugged.  


Andrakis's voice raised in pitch. “So? You’re the one who was an active participant in the seduction!”

“And, you should know better as a noblewoman. I don’t know if I can make you the mother of my daughters if you’re throwing yourself at every sexy sultan who walks into your stable, which now that we’re betrothed, maybe stay out of the stables. . . just in case.”

She glared daggers at him, “Maybe I don’t want to be a mother.”

“Well, not with those hips. Our baby is going to get stuck coming out. Mine tend to be big. My wives can show you some exercises to help widen them so our baby doesn’t get stuck.”

“Why are you obsessed with having more babies, you must have enough by now?”

“I don’t have a son. An heir, someone to take my place when I die glorious in battle.”

“Eighteen wives and no sons? That seems like some kind of anomaly.”

“Nope, it’s just daughters, daughters and more daughters. I have no explanation for why it keeps happening. I certainly have utilized all the techniques that are supposed to guarantee a son. I'm starting to think those are just myths.”

“That must be sad for you. A ruler with no heir. All those daughters to find husbands for.”

“It's not so bad. I love all my daughters very much. But a son to teach things to would be nice. It won’t be too long before my daughters start entering their stage of becoming women and will leave to marry men and have their own children. Be embarrassing for me to have a grandson before my own son is born.”

“How old is your eldest daughter?” she asked.  


“She’s only just passed her sixth year, but she’ll be grown before I know it. As will her sisters. They grow up so fast. You’ll see how it is when you become a mother.”

“Maybe we’ll have more luck there. I’m sure we would try immediately, right? That’s the whole point of getting married to you, right? To produce you an heir?”

“In due time, my lamb. The trip is long and I don’t want your womb full of child while we’re traveling back. You’ll be miserable and then I’ll be sad and have to find a new companion to fool around with for the rest of the journey.”

“Wow,” she said.

“What?” He gave her an incredulous look.

“That you’d replace me so easily.”

“I would not be replacing you, just finding you a suitable substitute until we’re back home and you give birth to our baby.”

“I think I changed my mind, I want to be a virgin forever.”

“Oh, stop that talk. We are going to be married on the morrow. _We_ can wait if you want, but _I_ can’t wait to have sex again. If you won’t lie down with me, I will find someone who will.”

She could see that he was serious.

Before she could respond, the doors to the ante room were opened.

“That’s enough alone time, you two. We have a lot to prepare for tomorrow’s wedding, come along Andrakis.” A woman called to her.

Nandor and Andrakis exited the room together. Before she could turn away, he placed his hands upon her shoulders. He bent down to her ear, his lips grazing the shell gently.

A chill ran up her spine as he whispered, “Don't worry, I can wait one more night. . . but only one.” Nandor punctuated his words with a chaste kiss upon her hand.

She stood there dumbfounded.

He pulled away and raised his eyebrows at her. “Don’t dream of me too hard, my little lamb.”

She shook out of her stupor. “I could say the same of you,” she called to him.

He halted in his tracks, shoulders raised, “I will be having normal dreams. Non-sexy, very tough warrior dreams. About... battle. And... stabbing."

She giggled at his reaction and he felt his heart swell. Tomorrow she would be lawfully his and he could do whatever he wanted with her. No guards, no advisors, and no fathers could tell him no or take her from him.

He wasn’t sure he could sleep knowing what awaited him tomorrow night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life force, lol. I appreciate each and every one.


	4. The Present Day: Valentine's Day Courting Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day and Nandor has had zero luck in finding Andrakis after their Night Market meeting. Colin Robinson can sense that his roomie is a bit lonely, so he invites Nandor for a night on the town. Both men get a little more than they bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to sinaesthete for helping me brainstorm the ideas for this story.
> 
> Another huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me. I'm am forever in your debt.

Nandor had made a huge mistake. Big time. One of the worst mistakes of his life.

The love of his life, one of them at least, had been within his grasp and he let her go.

Or rather he ran off.

And to make matters worse he didn’t even get her contact information. No address to write her at. No phone number to call her on. No way to contact her.

And all because his stupid housemates had made rude comments within her vicinity.

Never one to relent, Nandor had tried to find her despite his total failure to acquire her contact information. First, he tried to look her up in the little yellow phone book that they kept at that bodega Guillermo liked to get little treats from. But he didn’t know Andrakis as anything other than Andrakis, wife of Nandor or Andrakis, daughter of Mahin, and neither of those names were even in the book.

He tried to email her using both of those names as email addresses, but the demons had intercepted them and he had to do a little ritual to banish them from the machine before giving it back to Guillermo.

The ether was worth a shot, but that didn’t always work when your intended recipient was also a fellow creature of the night. They could more easily cut themselves off from those channels of communication than mere mortals could.

And he was pretty sure something was up with her, what with her being 750 years old and still walking this earth looking no older than when they had last seen each other back in the old country.

Nandor decided that creature of the night or not, he needed to give it a shot. He tried to call upon her when he knew none of his roommates nor Guillermo were in the house. The worst thing that could happen, besides not being able to connect with her, was being interrupted by any one of the other people occupying the mansion. He didn’t need their questions or judgements.

“Andrakis, wife of Nandor the Relentless, do you hear me?”

And he waited.

“Andrakis, daughter of Mahin, do you hear me?”

And he waited again.

“Andrakis of Bagheesa, do you hear me?”

Nothing. 

With the ether being a complete bust, he was at a loss of how to find her.

Even going back to the Night Market had proven fruitless. Well, not totally fruitless. He did get to visit with his little goat friends, the best one being the newest little baby with the black and white fur. But she wasn’t at the little goat pen, the lemonade stand, or even the witches tent.

Nandor had even started to go with Guillermo to drop off the shipments of his and Laszlo’s semen in the hopes of seeing her again.

But nope, it was always that Quinn or Tessa who greeted them. Lilith had been conspicuously absent. He figured if she had been around, she would have at least made a comment about Andrakis, especially with Guillermo around. She seemed to take joy in making Nandor uncomfortable.

And so after several months, Nandor had decided to give up his useless pursuit. Maybe she had just been some illusion or trick. That must have been it. His wife was long dead, she must be. She wasn’t a vampire, so how could she be alive? Yes, it was just witchy trickery happening. Another ruse to deceive and embarrass him.

Nandor could also sense that love was in the air. Laszlo and Nadja always made such a big deal out of the human St. Valentine’s celebration. Their excuse to go even more wild than usual. It was sickening and made him a little jealous. Nandor had never had a Valentine. His 37 wives were not his Valentines, not in the verbiage of the actual term. He had no reason to celebrate this regular human day, so he decided that reading a book and feeding on some unlucky delivery boy was the perfect evening for him.

“Hello, Nandor.” Colin Robinson popped up from behind the couch, a sing-song lilt to his tone.

Nandor jumped the slightest bit, his nerves stirring in his chest. “Shit, Colin, what are you doing? Can’t you see that I am reading a book?”

Colin circled from the back of the couch joining Nandor on the sofa, a little too close for comfort, spreading his arms out on the top of the framework. “Oh, I was just snooping around. You busy tonight, buddy?”

The vampire sighed and put his little pelt mark in his book. “What are you wanting, Colin? Cut to the chasing.” Nandor could feel an ache in his head start to sprout and little bits of his energy started to leave his body and fly through the air, lingering briefly before being sucked into the blue glow of Colin’s eyes.

Colin smiled at his roommate and casually said, “Well, I need a plus one for this event I’m going to, and I figured you’d be perfect.” Their knees touched briefly, and as Nandor tried to pull away, Colin kept up his pursuit.

“Colin, why would I want to go anywhere with you?” Nandor stood up from the sofa, the proximity of his roommate invading his personal space finally reaching an apex.

The energy vampire crossed his legs, arms spread out like he was the lord of the manor issuing commands to his supplicants. “I mean, if you don’t want to meet some eligible humans, that’s fine, I just thought it would-”

“Eligible humans, eligible for what? Are we going to feast?” Nandor perked up.

“Well, maybe, depends on how the evening goes. It’s a little party at a pub. We can meet some humans and such. Seems like it would be up your alley.” He had a grin plastered to his face and held Nandor’s gaze while he awaited his answer.

He shrugged. “Alright, I guess I will go to meet some human people with you.”

Colin’s eyes glowed a brilliant blue at the accepted invitation. “Okay, but you can’t go like that. It’s a human gathering. You need to wear human clothes.”

Nandor’s jaw dropped and he had trouble finding his words. Once he regained his composure he said, “But these are human clothes. Humans made them.” He motioned up and down his brocade finery.

“I mean you need to wear something that would look acceptable this century. This is Valentine’s Day, people are looking for  _ the one _ . They may be desperate, but probably not desperate enough to fall for the guy in the Ottoman Warlord clothing expansion pack.” Colin said with his face resting in his palm.

They went back and forth about Nandor’s choice of attire before he finally blurted out a perfunctory, “Fine.” Nandor walked toward his crypt and called out, “Guillermo, I need you to help me ready for a night on the town.”

Guillermo was already waiting for Nandor, opening up the vampire’s wardrobe and pulling out pieces he knew the man liked. 

“No, no, I need to look like a regular human man, Guillermo. One who is alluring to the sexes so that I may attract a partner who will have sex feelings for me before I eat them.”

Guillermo eyed him incredulously. “Okay, we can work with this,” he said, looking through Nandor’s wardrobe again. “Where are you going exactly?”

Nandor wasn’t sure where they were going. “Colin Robinson, what is the name of this place you are taking me? Guillermo is trying to find a suitable human attire for me.”

“It’s called the Blue Mist Lounge. Real hip vibe there. Lots of craft beer and cocktails.” 

He turned to Guillermo, “Is that enough to work with?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of that place. We got this.” He smiled at him.

Nandor smiled back and watched Guillermo go to work.

They settled on a navy-blue plaid flannel that looked straight out of the grunge rock era layered under a smokey black cashmere sweater, dark wash boot cut jeans, and some black boots. They kept his hair in the usual style.

Guillermo took a picture of Nandor with his phone and showed it to him. “You don’t think that people will be turned off by my hair style?” He tentatively touched the topknot, uncertain that it was giving the right vibe.

“No, man buns are in still, at least with some people,” Guillermo said, fixing his hair again after Nandor’s touch had mussed it up.

“Man bun? That is a silly name for a proud and regal style.” Nandor lifted his head up and straightened his posture so that he loomed over Guillermo more so than usual.

“I don’t name the trends,” he said flatly as he put the finishing touches on Nandor’s hair.

“I didn’t think you did, Guillermo. You are not the height of fashion with your beige slacks and muted sweaters.”

Guillermo rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” Nandor answered.

Guillermo looked like he was staking Nandor with his eyes, but Nandor wasn’t sure why he would be reacting that way right now. He’d been giving the man his little breaks and day off.

“It’s a little cold out, so you should take a coat too,” Guillermo said, grabbing one for the vampire.

“Thank you, Guillermo. You really are too good to me sometimes.” He pat the man on the shoulder before departing his crypt. He could sense an uptick in the man’s pulse at his compliment.

The vampire joined Colin Robinson in the foyer and the two set off for the public house where the humans would be.

They were greeted by a perky human hostess who took their names and gave them little name tags. She explained that each of them would be sitting at a table and then different ladies would be coming to mingle with them for a set amount of time before switching to the next person.

Nandor’s face was a mask of politeness while the human woman explained the protocols of the evening but soured when she stepped away to check-in the next person. “What kind of event is this, Colin? I thought you said it would be casual?”

Colin’s eyes sparked briefly. “It’s called Speed Dating and it’s a great way to get some energy. Desperate singles ready to mingle and find  _ the one _ .” He clapped his hands together fervently.

“Eech, why would you bring me to this?” Nandor’s face had soured further, his mouth making a motion as if he had swallowed some bad blood, like from an incel or a nun.

The energy vampire slapped Nandor on the back. “Because you’re super lonely, buddy. I thought it would be fun. I can be your wingman.”

Nandor grimaced, “I don’t need a wingman, I can make my own wings, thank you.”

Colin looked like he was about to go on one of his little info-dump tirades, so Nandor decided to just exit the building to enjoy the night air. The chill wasn’t too bitter, and the cool air felt nice on his skin.

He saw a lot of people enter the little human public house, many of them giving him a quick glance. He tried to pay them no mind. One had the audacity to ask him about how long the wait was, but he just stared at them blankly. Wait for what?

It felt like he had been out there for an hour, but it was really more like ten minutes. “What am I even doing?” he looked up at the stars.

The stars held no answers. None that he could discern any way.

The vampire had no interest in this Fast Courting scheme that Colin had brought him to. It was much easier to just find an easy target to seduce and then feed from. This seemed like a lot more work to find a meal. All these human women judging him while he tried to judge them back. This was the dumbest human invention since democracy. Society was really at an all time low. Whatever happened to just spotting a woman you liked in a field or a market and just swooping her up on your horse and taking her back to your palace? Or her father trying to make an alliance with you and bringing a delightful dowry for negotiation? Those had been his primary courting methods and it worked out pretty well for him. Why did the world have to change?

Nandor thought about just batting up and flying the hell out of there, but he didn’t really want to hear it for the rest of eternity from Colin Robinson. He could just picture the boring tirade now and felt the energy leaving him at the mere thought of what his housemate would say.

He turned to reenter the establishment when he saw a lone woman walking up the street in a dazzling blue gown that glittered in the moonlight. Covering her arms was a short, little black sweater that didn’t look like it was doing much to cut the chill of the night air. A pair of rectangular black spectacles adorned her face. Her hair was curled, and her make-up was done up so that her best features were highlighted.

Maybe divine providence was working in his favor after all. Wasn’t there some human saying about good things being where you least expect them or if you stop looking, what you want will find their way to you?

She was busy looking at her phone, seemingly unaware of her surroundings, but her face beamed as she made her way toward the public house entrance. What could be so delightful on her little machine that it would elicit such a response from her?

Nandor decided to play it cool, leaning up against the wall next to the door and clearing his throat for extra emphasis. He could sense her looking his way as he idly checked out his hands.

“Oh, is that you Andrakis? It’s so great to be seeing you again. You changed your glasses, so I didn’t recognize you right away. I like the little rectangle look. It goes well with your little ensemble, though you must be cold with so much of your legs and arms exposed.”

“Well, well, well, fancy meeting you here.” Her smile cooled into an even expression as she looked him up and down. His undead heart sank. “I’m honestly surprised-”

“Oh, this old place,” he interrupted. “Yeah, I come here often.” He didn’t dare look her in the eye and face her disappointed face again. Why would she react this way to seeing him?

Andrakis gave him an incredulous look. “You, Nandor the Relentless, immortal warrior, who has twice run the Euphrates red, who cries every time a goat nuzzles your hand, regularly visits the Blue Mist Lounge?”

“Yes, of course. I can turn into a mist, so I am welcome here.” He paused for a moment. “Wait a minute. I don’t cry every time a goat charms me with their little nuzzles or sweet bleats.”

“Uh uh, sure.” She frowned. “Well, like I said. I’m quite surprised and considering how things ended last time, it’s clear that you aren’t interested, so. . .” She turned to walk into the building.

“Hey, don’t be walking off from me. I am trying to talk to you.” He grabbed her shoulder, probably a little too hard because she winced. He eased off, smoothing the spot over with his hand and issuing a string of sorries.

She pulled away from his touch. “Well, that is certainly a change from the Market.”

He sighed and clasped his hands together, twisting his ring around his finger. “Okay, true. I was very rude to just run off.” He looked into her eyes, “But I had my reasons.”

She stared back. “And those being?”

“Well, I figured out that you are a--very likely a witch, and my friends were ready to be going home and I couldn’t just leave them hanging.”

She pursed her lips. “Yeah, I’ll be going now.” Andrakis turned to go into the building.

“Wait!” He said, grabbing her hand, making sure to be gentle this time, and pulling her back to him.

Andrakis let out an exasperated sigh and turned to face him again. “This had better be good. I have friends waiting for me.”

He took an unneeded breath to help buy him some time to gather his thoughts. “I wanted to say I am sorry for running off. I should not have done that. It was pretty rude of me and I wasn’t meaning to hurt your feelings.”

“And?” she said, tapping her foot.

“And I really don’t care if you are probably a witch or whatever. You’re still my wife and I love you despite that fact that you left me at my lowest point and took my children with you, but I understand that you and the others were probably scared and I probably did try to eat a few of you or go too far, so yeah, you had a good reason, and I just want to find out how you are doing and I want to get to know you better.”

She took in his entire speech without interruption. “I’m sorry too. We can’t change the past, but we can move forward with the future.” She held out for a hug and he took her into his embrace without hesitation. She looked up. “You’re not stalking me, are you?” she asked, a small smirk beginning to spread on her face.

He twiddled his thumbs behind her back as he spoke. “I mean, I did try to contact you, but I had no luck. This is purely serendipitous.”

Andrakis pulled away from his hold and smoothed out her gown. “You could say that again.”

“This is pure-“

She rested her face into her palm. “I didn’t mean literally, Nandor.”

“Oh.”

They stood outside as the gap between their last words continued to widen, growing more awkward as the time ticked away. Nandor didn’t know what to say next to make her smile or want to perhaps skip this site and be alone with him someplace where they could get to know each other better. He imagined scooping her into his arms and flying away. No one would be at the house, save Guillermo and he wouldn’t bother them if Nandor closed the door to his crypt. He could take her over his coffin, on the chaise, or up against the wall. Show her that he hadn’t lost his touch through the centuries. Show her what he was capable of now that he had supernatural gifts. And he was sure she had gifts of her own to share.

Her voice took him out of his fantasy. “Well, it was nice running into you again. I better be going to meet my friends, I guess,” she said.

“Okay, but maybe we could-“

But before Nandor could ask her out Colin’s throat cleared from behind them.

“Hey there, buddy, don’t forget that we’re here to do our speed dating. They’re getting started with the rules for filling out the comment card and such in a moment. Don’t get ahead of yourself and just pick up some random girl off the streets.” Colin had a big grin plastered on his face as he looked Andrakis up and down.

Nandor could feel himself being drained. He turned to Andrakis, “Don’t run off.” And then turned to Colin. “Yes, I will be there in a minute. I’m just talking to my friend here. She’s not a random street girl. She is my friend.”

“Okay, then.” Colin said, eyes alight with the embarrassed energy Nandor was giving off in droves.

“Friend, huh?” Andrakis said. “Well, I guess we’ll see each other later as _ friends _ if you don’t find a date.” She held her face steady, but her mouth was beginning to wobble at the corners as she walked into the bar leaving Nandor in the cold.

He looked up to the stars and sighed. “Fucking, Colin Robinson.”

He met his life draining roommate in the hostess area of the bar. Somehow it had grown more crowded while he was outside.

“So, that woman was a friend of yours? Since when do you have non-vampire lady friends?”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you, Colin.” Nandor growled as he looked over the crowd to see where Andrakis had gone.

Colin grinned, “Well, I just find it interesting that you would not bring a friend to the house or even mention her, especially one who seems like she might be pretty nice. Probably too good for you, in fact.”

Nandor closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of nose. “She is not too good for me. I won’t have you talking about her in that way, Colin,” he bristled.

“And why is that, Nandor? Is she a special creature to you or something? She like your girlfriend?” he nudged Nandor, a grin plastered to his face. “You old dog, why didn’t you say you had a girlfriend. Pretty messed up for you to come to this dating thing with me if you’re already committed. No wonder she looked like she was going to cry when she walked past me.”

Nandor’s face fell. “What, she was crying?” He looked above the crowd again to see if he could spot her, trying to tune out the din to hear her cries, but there was too much to overload his senses and he failed to locate her. He turned back to Colin and pointed a finger in the energy vampire’s face, “And you didn’t even tell me we were going courting. You just said we were going to meet people and have a bite! So you are to blame for her crying, not me.” Nandor’s eyes had narrowed to deadly slits as he scolded him.

His roommate’s eyes lit up. “Ah, so she is very special to you. You wouldn’t have cared about her being sad if she weren’t special.”

The vampire struggled to form a coherent thought. “No, that’s not it at all, it’s just that-"

Before Colin could goad him and drain him further the perky hostess announced that it was time to start. Everyone was ushered to their little tables. Nandor felt like a giraffe riding a miniature pony as he took his seat.

They were all given a little card and a pen. They were instructed to rate each of the dates on a scale from 1-10 in various categories and to check if they were interested in connecting with them after the fact. At the end they would be matched up with someone they were deemed compatible with.

Colin’s eyes were already glowing in the periphery. This was going to be a long night.

And to make matters worse, when Nandor looked up from his table he could see Andrakis across the way with her gaggle of girlfriends. They too were dressed up for the evening and all laughing it up in their little booth. All he wanted to do was go over to talk to her. Clear the air and correct his stupid ramblings from earlier. He hadn’t meant to upset her with his words again. Why did Colin have to ruin everything?

Andrakis’s proximity was proving to be a huge distraction as well. He couldn’t take his eyes off her infectious smile as she laughed and drank from her little glass.

An alarm went off, signaling the start of the courting sessions. One by one, Nandor was greeted by Staten Island’s most available human ladies. All who failed to fully capture his interest. They all seemed nice enough, some were a bit on the young side, but some were more to his liking, older and maybe with a kid or two at home. He found it awkward when they asked him what he did for a living.

“Uh, well, I wouldn’t say I really do anything for a living, but I really enjoy reading and hunting.” His answer was a variation on that statement to each one who asked, his attention clearly elsewhere as he tried to dart a glance over to Andrakis.

“So you don’t have a day job?”

“No, I mostly do my working in the night times.”

And it went on and on like that. He had his mind on one woman in particular and she wasn’t in the running, so he tried to give them a nice ranking as he didn’t want to hurt their feelings. But he did make sure to check  _ Not Interested _ on each one. No need to cause further heartache tonight.

He could tell Colin liked his interactions as his eyes were aglow as he talked on and on about himself to these poor ladies.

And before he knew it, the dozen dates were over, and it was time to mingle while the perky lady tabulated all the results.

Colin came over to him with a big grin plastered on his face. “Hey bud, have fun?”

Nandor rolled his eyes. “Oh yes, I have so much in common with human women. We talked about so many scintillating topics.”

“Good. I think I met my dream girl.” Colin Robinson had hearts in his eyes. Nandor looked across the way at a girl in a basic beige outfit: slacks, shirt, sweater. The female Colin Robinson.

“Oh, she was a thrill to talk to. I can see why you’d like her.” Nandor yawned.

“I hope we matched.” Colin rubbed his hands together. “You find anyone you fancy, buddy?”

“The courting? I mean, they were all nice enough. But I don’t think this scene is for me. I’m sure I won’t get matched with anyone.”

“Someone else capture your heart?” he asked.

Nandor’s eyes were far away. His thoughts even farther. The mingling had crowded his view of Andrakis, and he could feel a two dozen eyes upon him. He looked around and the women from the dates were looking him up and down, some licking their lips. He didn’t like this feeling he was feeling with all these gazes aimed his way. Suddenly the room felt very hot and very small.

“And you thought no one would match with you, old dog.” Colin said, hitting Nandor on the shoulder.

The organizer lady was making some kind of announcement when a raucous laugh caught Nandor’s attention. He turned his head to see Andrakis’s friend group, human alcohol wine glasses covering the table. They clinked glasses and one, a tall, dark, handsome fellow wearing a red tropical themed shirt and khaki pants stood up and said, “To surviving another Palentine’s Day Jamboree in the Gym!” The others answered the call with a rousing huzzah. Funny, when did a man join their ranks?

Nandor missed the days when he could sit around with his soldiers or his women, whether they be wives or concubines, and drink wine and say cheers to things. He was always the center of attention in those exchanges.

The man took a seat right next to Andrakis. His beloved wife next to Mr. Handsome Speech Man. It made something stir in Nandor’s core that he didn’t like. She was laughing and imbibing a beverage the color of light roses. A lovely flush spread upon her cheeks as she laughed at all of the jokes the man made.

The vampire no longer cared what the hostess had to say, as he was drawn to Andrakis as the moon draws water. Without thinking he made his way to her. As Nandor approached the table, he felt a nervous flutter in his chest that he couldn’t quite stop. He had not felt this flutter earlier when they were alone outside. What had changed?

The half dozen humans were having two dozen conversations it seemed. The din around them seemed to be an impenetrable fortress for Nandor to break into. The handsome one seemed to have Andrakis’s rapt attention. She was practically beaming, tucking a stray strand of her curled hair behind her ear as she continued to grin like a giddy goat.

“I didn’t know you were such a good dancer, Jaz,” the man said. His voice sounded foreign, like he came from the same village as Laszlo.

She gently slapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, stop. I cannot dance to save my life.”

“Oh, Jazzy, don’t be so modest. She’s got moves, Ahmed.” An older blonde woman said.

“No, really, I have two left feet.” His beloved giggled.

Nandor cleared his throat and held up a finger, “Excuse me,” he said.

The one called Ahmed, the dark, handsome one with black hair, not quite full beard, and a dimpled chin looked up at him, “Yeah, can we get another round of wine. Same order.” He tapped his glass for emphasis.

Nandor wasn’t sure what the man was talking about. All thoughts left his head at that moment.

“I don’t think he’s the waiter.” One of the other women piped up.

Andrakis turned to look and her pupils widened as big as the moon.

“Hi, Andrakis.” Nandor said, feeling a little meek now that all these humans were looking at him and thinking he was some peasant. He knew he should have worn a cape.

“You know this guy?” the handsome one said.

“Yes, of course she knows me.” Nandor answered for her. “I am her hu-”

“Nandor!” she said. “It’s so nice to see you again. It’s been such a long time!”

The other ladies in the group began to giggle.

His face softened into a veil of confusion. “No it hasn’t, we were just-”

Andrakis turned to her friends. “Can you excuse me for a moment?” She downed her drink as the man let her out of the booth.

“Were you wanting to talk somewhere in private?” he asked her, looking into her eyes as he took her hands into his. This was met with more giggles.

The flush on her cheeks deepened. “Let’s go outside, I guess.”

“Jaz,” the handsome man called, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He eyed Nandor up and down, a judgmental scowl on his face.

“I’ll be fine, Ahmed, I promise.” She smiled.

She had Nandor follow her to the entrance of the pub. He made eye contact with Colin as they made their way to the exit. The man was busy talking to his new companion but had a mild look of concern on his face. Nandor just smiled and gave him a thumbs up and an O-Akay symbol. Once outside, he and Andrakis took a seat in the corner of the patio. With the chill of February in full bloom, it was vacant except for them.

“What do you think you are doing?” she asked him, her face stern.

As matter-of-fact as he could muster Nandor said, “Well, it is a public place, and I can go anywhere I’d like as long as I’m invited in. I was invited in by the hostess for the speedy dating as the humans call it.”

“Then shouldn’t you be participating in that instead of coming up to me and my colleagues? Seems pretty rude to just abandon your plans.” She rubbed her hands together and huddled into herself.

He shrugged his coat off and draped it over her. “Well, the courting is over and I’m pretty sure I didn’t match with anyone else,” he said. “And those are your colleagues? They certainly don’t look like. . .” he trailed off.

“Nandor, I’m a school librarian,” she said. “Those are all teachers at the school.”

He pondered that for a moment. “You look a bit dressed up for school, I’d imagine.” He admired her dark, glittery attire.

“It’s Saturday, no school today. We were at a dance chaperoning. I’m not just going to wear some regular clothes to a dance.” She shrugged.

Nandor cocked a brow. “And now you are?”

She let out a little laugh. “Unwinding. This profession lends itself to unwinding in wine bars, pubs, lounges, any place with flowing alcohol.”

He nodded. He wasn’t sure where he had learned that, maybe from the human television shows or Colin Robinson, but it seemed like a real thing and not something she just made up. “Well, and what about your other activities?” He leaned in, eager for her to actually admit it.

She smiled and played coy. “What other activities are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, dear. You know exactly what I am speaking to you about. That whole business at the purple tent with the witches.”

She laughed, revealing a huge smile that beamed from her face. “Oh, yeah, I’m a witch. I thought you figured that part already though. You mentioned in your little speech earlier.

“Well, I mean, I wanted to hear it from you directly, but it was pretty obvious. First of all, you should be dead but here you are, alive and no older than the day we parted ways the last time. Secondly, most human ladies don’t buy little jars of vampire semen. By the way, what initials were on those jars you’ve been buying. Please tell me it wasn’t LC.” He just couldn’t help himself with that last question, but he had to know. It had been bothering him since their October encounter.

Her smile faded a bit. “You seemed pretty upset when you realized we were in the witch tent.”

He looked away from her. “Well, let’s just say I have a history with those particular witches.”

“You mean about the Man Milk jars?” she asked.

Nandor sputtered, “Y-y-yes, how did you know about that?”

She eyed him in disbelief. “Besides you literally just asking about them?”

Oh right. “Yes, how do you know about my history with Lilith and her coven?”

“Lilith told me later on after you ran off with your house friends. Seemed like it was quite the ordeal.”

“It was all going very well until the surgical tools were brought out.” He winced at the memory.

“I can imagine. I don’t know why they don’t just entice the men to finish the job themselves. Seems like it would be less painful that way and would be very easy to achieve.”

Nandor wasn’t sure what to make of her assessment of semen collection. He didn’t want to imagine his wife engaging in such activities with strange vampires or humans. If she were going to collect anyone’s semen, it would be his and his alone. “So which jars have you been buying?” he asked again.

“Why are you so obsessed with knowing that? It’s not like I’m swallowing the stuff.” She let out a loud laugh.

“I would just like to know that my wife is not playing with someone else’s semen is all.” He crossed his arms and looked away.

They sat there in awkward silence for a bit as cars drove past them, idling at the stop lights. People walking on the street were either completely lovey-dovey or ready to stab one another through verbal sparring alone. Sometimes a song would blare out of a car speaker in various genres ranging from classical to contemporary.

Nandor broke the silence but didn’t look at her. “So, that guy in there. . .you seem to have a type. You meet him in a stable too?”

Andrakis’s voice had the air of incredulity. “What are you talking about?”

“That handsome man, tall, dark. You were putting your hair behind your ear. You used to only do that with me.” Nandor whined.

Andrakis frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ahmed is my friend and coworker. He’s not my boyfriend.”

Nandor looked her in the eye, his face a mask of seriousness. “Well, I think he might like you.”

She smiled. “Well, I think you might be jealous.”

Nandor laughed. “Pfft, me jealous. No. I don’t think so, Andrakis. That’s cute that you would be thinking that though.”

Andrakis grinned and poked Nandor in the chest where his heart lay dormant. “This is just like in the Tabriz market when that nobleman spotted me alone and tried to buy me for his harem.”

Nandor looked down and grabbed her hand, rubbing little circles into her palm. “And you do remember what happened to that man, yes?”

“I believe you had his hands cut off for touching my shoulder,” she said, looking up to the stars as if trying to picture the memory in motion.

Nandor just looked at her as if that were the most normal act in the world.

She met Nandor’s gaze. “Don’t cut off Ahmed’s hands.”

“Fine.” He dropped her hand and crossed his arms over his chest, looking away from her.

They sat in another long silence. Nandor smoothed the fabric of his sweater while she drummed her fingers on the table. Her hands were so elegant with slender fingers and nicely manicured nails. He reached out to take her hand in his again. He wanted to take it and plant a delicate kiss on her skin, but thought better of that now.

He looked over to the window of the public house and saw that man, her work friend, staring at them. She hadn’t noticed apparently.

“So…why were they calling you Jash, Jashy.” Nandor continued to caress her hand, checking in the periphery to see if his romantic rival was seeing this. Laying his claim on her with the utmost subtlety.

She smiled, not letting go of his hand. “Jaz, Jazzy. It’s related to my surname.”

“Surname? Do you mean like a title? Like I am the Relentless? Why would you not just go by my name, your mother’s, or your father’s. I had so much trouble finding you in the book of phone numbers because you weren’t going by any of those names.”

“Well, I’m more than just your or his property. I am my own person, and I chose a name fitting of that. She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest.

“So it’s just what, Andrakis Jashy now?” He wasn’t going to be the one to tell her that it was a terrible name. It didn’t have any clout or prowess and sounded like she was wounded in a field and that wound had become fetid from lack of care.

“No, Jaz and Jazzy are really just nicknames. My surname is Jazayeri. It’s kind of hard for some people to say, I guess.” She shrugged.

Oh, that was much better then. “It doesn’t seem that hard. Much easier to say than Jash,” he said.

“Sure,” she said before changing the subject. “I’m guessing you didn’t come to the speed dating all by yourself. That doesn’t seem like something you’d do. Where are your housemates?”

“Oh Colin Robinson? He’s in the bar with some girl, I guess.”

“And those other vampires you live with?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Who knows what they’re up to tonight. I don’t want to get involved with their Valentine’s debauchery.”

“I see,” she said.

“So, are you doing anything after you drink human wine with your little colleagues?” Nandor asked.

“I was probably going to go home, take off my makeup, eat some chocolate, and binge Netflix, why?”

He nodded as she listed each item on her very mundane evening. “Well, I was wondering if you would want to be courted by me again. But I guess more proper than the last time. I think the area stable masters would not approve of us fooling around in there.” 

She rolled her eyes at the mention of stables.

He felt his intestines flip as he awaited her answer. “So, are you interested in me courting you or not?”

“So you mean like on a date?” she raised her brows at him.

He nodded. “Yes, a date. Me and you. Together. As a couple. Doing the things that couples do when they are seeing if the relationship is good to move onto the next steps.”

“We don’t really need to be so formal, do we? I mean, we were married. And where would you even take me on a date? What does that look like to you?”

He pondered for a moment, resting his hand on his chin as he thought. “I don’t know. There are clubs we could go to. Do some boogieing.” He shrugged.

Andraki’s face scrunched up. “I don’t think people boogie anymore.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that I gave my boogie shoes to that homeless man then.”

She took his hands in hers. “Look, I love the idea of going out with you. It’s what I’ve wanted since I realized you were still around and in this area. I will be very honest and say that I’ve been hoping we’d run into one another. Maybe even asked around about you. But then the whole thing at the tent happened and I gotta say, my feelings for you have waned a bit. I mean, you are very handsome. Too handsome. But-”

He frowned, his mouth doing that wobbly bit that hers was doing earlier in the evening. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want you to get your hopes up or anything. It hurt me that you were so afraid of witches and said we were deceivers and semen stealers. I wasn’t trying to lie to you, Nandor. And well, if I wanted your semen, I don’t think I’d have to steal it.” She grinned.

“So you are saying that if I want to be with you, I need to prove myself to you?”

“Yes, I mean, earlier you couldn’t even be totally honest with your own roommate about who I was. You could have just said I was your wife. Is that such a hard thing to admit? The truth?”

He frowned, “Hold on a minute. You wouldn’t let me tell your friends I was your husband though.”

“Because they’re mortals, Nandor. They wouldn’t understand why their workmate, who has maybe mentioned an estranged husband in passing, wouldn’t have said something about him being on the island and such.”

“Oh, right. That does make sense.” He played with the rings on his fingers. “My housemates might take a bit longer to warm up to the idea of you. Not that you’re my wife, but that you are a witch. Nadja especially does not like your kind. Her husband Laszlo, he probably won’t care, but he pretty much falls in line with what she says, at least in front of her.”

“Well, as long as you can promise me you won’t just keep me as some dirty little secret, I would be willing to take a chance on you. Maybe we could go get dinner sometime. Not tonight. But sometime in the near future.”

He eyed her. “Andrakis, you are an educator, yes, a school librarian must have some knowledge of book reading and such. I remember you were one of my more educated wives.”

“Yes, what is your point?”

“Then you know that I cannot partake in human food, so we would need to maybe make an alternative courting arrangement. Like the pictures or a play.”

She giggled. “I didn’t mean human food, for you at least. I know a place we can both eat.”

He perked up at that information. “You do?”

“Yes, and we can dance there too if you want, but I think they only do that once a month.”

“Well, then if I could just get your-” he was interrupted by Mr. Handsome Speech Man standing at the entrance of the public house.

“Jaz, are you okay out here? We were just wrapping up the bill.”

She turned to look at him. “Oh yeah, sorry. How much is my share?”

“Twenty-five.” He said, his eyes steady on Nandor.

Andrakis pulled out her little talky machine. “I just Venmoed you the money. Tip too,” she said.

“Oh, so are you two?” He pointed his finger back and forth between her and Nandor.

“Oh, what? No. I’m going home. Do we want to Uber pool?” she asked.

“Andrakis, I can take you home.” Nandor said to her, trying to pull her attention back.

She turned to look at him. “No, that’s okay. I can ride with my friends.”

“I insist on taking you home.” Nandor said, standing up and putting his hand on her shoulders, face held in a tight smile so as not to show his fangs to the dimple-chinned idiot trying to steal her away.

The Handsome Speech Man frowned. “Are you okay? Do I need to-”

“No, it’s fine,” she said, “He can be a little unrelenting about protection protocols. I assure you, I’ll get home safe and sound.”

“Okay then,” he said, an air of suspicion in his voice. “As long as you’re certain.” The man went back inside. Nandor and Andrakis stayed at their table long enough to see her friends leave. “Bye, Jazzy, don’t have too much fun.” One of the ladies said. All of her friends giggled in response except Mr. Dimple Chin.

“What was that all about?” Nandor asked.

“Well, if I had to guess, a big handsome dreamboat walked into the bar and swept away their friend, so they’re giving her a hard time about it and will be asking all sorts of questions on Monday morning and blowing up her phone the rest of the weekend.”

“Pretty rude of them to blow up her phone.” Nandor frowned.

Andrakis’s face fell. “I’m talking about me. I’m the  _ her _ in the story.”

“I knew that.” He lied. “Wait, you think I’m handsome?” he grinned.

“Yes, we’ve already established that multiple times.”

“Oh right. Well, where do you live, I can fly you home.”

“I can actually fly myself home, but that is kind of you to offer. Now I don’t have to spend Uber money.”

His face fell a bit. “Oh…”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, were you trying to offer me a ride home so that you’d know where I live?”

“Yes,” he said. “Is that okay, I mean? Not too forward?”

“I mean, I can just write down my address for you.”

He nodded, “Yes, that is perfect. Do you have a pen?”

“I’m an educator, we always have pens on us.” She grabbed one from her purse and gave it a click that echoed through the night.

Nandor grabbed a piece of paper from his wallet and handed it to her. She wrote down her address, both physical and email, plus her phone number.

“If you give me your number and email, I can put them in my phone,” she said.

He told her both and she typed them out on her little machine. “I assume this is a landline telephone?”

“It is plugged into the wall, yes.”

“Alright, so if I need to message you, I will just call or send an email.”

“We could use the ether too.”

“Yeah, that would work too.” She smiled.

“Well, I guess this means we need to be parting ways.” He took her into his arms for a hug.

She leaned into his hug, burying her face into his chest. “You know, this look you’ve got going is quite appealing.”

He grinned, not sure how to answer back. As he held her tighter an exasperated Colin Robinson exited the building.

“Well jeepers creepers, that was an absolute bust of an evening. Yikes on trikes.” Colin looked toward his housemate. “Oh, cheese and crackers, I’m sorry for interrupting you and your lady friend.”

“Colin Robinson, don’t talk about her in such terms. She is not my lady friend.” Nandor said, a big doofy grin on his face. He looked down and felt Andrakis’s heart make a sad beat. “She is my very lovely nineteenth wife, Andrakis of Bagheesa.” He felt her go back to happy mode as soon as the word wife came up. He held her closer to him, rubbing her back and resting his head on hers.

Colin Robinson was taken aback by this news. “Oh wow.”

“Well, we need to be going, I guess. He got his meal in the pub. I’ll be getting mine in the park. Let me know through the ether when you get home, safe, my lamb.” He said as he made his way over to Colin Robinson.

“I will.” She smiled. “May your dreams be hard and filled with bloodshed and battle.”

He laughed, “No, my dear, I will be dreaming of something much better.” He punctuated his words with two raises of his brow before spinning around to return to Colin Robinson’s side.

He put his arm around his roommate, and they walked toward the park. 

Andrakis put her phone in her purse. She looked both ways to see if any mortals were around and then waved her hand in a figure eight pattern. Her fingertips glowed with a yellow light that started as a din and then grew brighter as she continued the motion. With a pop her broom appeared clutched in her fist.

From the alleyway a midnight black cat came out of the shadows and looked up at her.

Andrakis’s brow furrowed. “How did you get out of the house?” she asked.

The cat just stared back and gave her a look, eyes narrowed.

“Oh, don’t be so judgmental. You’re a cat, so you don’t get it.”

The cat let out a long meow as it made its way toward her.

“Well, he does seem interested, now, so why not?”

The cat huffed as it rubbed up against her legs.

“He’s clearly trying. We just have to give him a chance.”

Andrakis looked into the distance and she could just make out Nandor’s profile. If she didn’t know better, she would have sworn he was walking on air. She looked herself over and realized he had forgotten his coat. She wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence or providence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life force, lol. I appreciate each and every one.


	5. The Past: A Wedding in Bagheesa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of the wedding and Nandor will finally have full access to Andrakis. No fathers or advisors will be able to stand in his way from now on. However, things don't go quite as smoothly has Nandor had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me. I'm am forever in your debt.

Nandor awoke bright and early the next morning. He knew he didn’t have much to prepare as far as the wedding went, so he was in no rush to get his day started. He wasn’t really into the whole ceremony for the sake of a ceremony to make things official in the eyes of his bride’s homeland when it only really mattered in his. However Nandor might personally feel, he would still participate if it meant he would be free and clear to take Andrakis back home with him. 

And if he were honest with himself, he was thinking more about the wedding night and not the wedding day.

Nandor’s idle thoughts about his evening activities were interrupted by a visit from his advisors. They came to greet him while his attaché was still dressing him in his morning attire. Nandor just gave them both a _what is it now?_ look.

The head advisor trembled as he spoke, “Sire, the bride’s father has requested your presence at the breakfast table to negotiate her bride price so to speak.”

Nandor frowned. “I thought everything had already been settled previously? What has changed?”

“Well sire, that was with the previously proffered bride. That contract doesn’t apply to this Andrakis woman.”

Nandor rolled his eyes and gave a perfunctory, “Tell him I’ll be there shortly.” Before ushering his man to hurry it up with his clothes.

He made sure he was decent looking before departing for the hall where breakfast was being served. The aroma of baking breads and roasted meats invaded his nose, making it twitch at the foreign odors. The foods in this country were quite vexing if not tasty in their own rights. But he was certainly looking forward to being on the way home where the foods looked and smelled normal.

He sat down with Andrakis’s father and the two men began their negotiations. He wasn’t going to be taken advantage of, that was for certain. He could use the fact that Andrakis’s mother was a servant as a negotiation point. Sure, Nandor genuinely wanted to take her as his wife, and not just because of their tryst. Trysts. There was something alluring about her and she was worth a lot in his eyes. But if he could get away with a bargain, why not.

Nandor leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Now, don’t think you can play me for a fool. I know what Andrakis is worth and I know the daughter you had promised me was worth considerably more. But seeing how it’s your fault the first choice was unavailable because your country doesn’t protect its women from the opportunity for men to _be_ with them, I will be giving you considerably less than what the first daughter was worth. I mean, you offered me three women to replace her and I’m just taking the one, so fair is fair, right?” Nandor said.

“Now, now, son, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Andrakis may have an _independent_ spirit, but she is also very well read and can speak multiple languages. You’re not actually doing us a favor by taking her off our hands. I could have easily married her off to numerous eligible widowers.”

“You would marry off your young daughter to some grandfather type?” Nandor let out a little laugh. “In my country if a man such as yourself sired a child with a servant, he or she would be well taken care of by their father, not pawned off on some elder. It’s no sin to be born in a lower class. It’s not Andrakis’s fault that you couldn’t keep it in your pants. You Occidentals and your monogamy are quite interesting. In the east, we have many wives and lovers and it’s no problem.” Nandor punctuated his last comment with a grin and a wink.

Andrakis’s father just seethed and scowled.

The younger man leaned in real close, eyes narrowed. “Quite frankly, you need my army’s protection more than we need your resources. I believe you know we sacked the neighboring village last year. Razed it to the ground, destroyed the fountains, the clock tower. Flag in tatters.” He sat back, looking at his hands as he spoke, grin plastered on his face, “I wouldn’t want the same fate to befall you and your people.”

“Now, now, there is no need to threaten violence.” The man said, open palmed. He motioned for his advisor to bring in the paperwork. “You’ll see that we have drawn up a very fair contract for Andrakis.” He unfurled the scroll before his future son-in-law.

Nandor picked up the document and looked over it with a fine-toothed comb, checking every line item with the utmost scrutiny.

“I see that you are trying to exploit me on the number of soldiers, settlements, and weapons in exchange for the number of goats, the amount of olive oil, and timber. This will not do. Andrakis, beautiful and smart as she may be, is not worth this much.”

The two men began a fencing match for how much Nandor was willing to part with to ensure he could take Andrakis as his wife. These negotiations with the fathers were always Nandor’s least favorite part of marriage brokerage with other nobles, be they European or Al Quolanudarian. Acquiring concubines was always so much easier. You just pay outright or swoop them up and take off with them. Very few negotiations.

As the man continued to stick to his unfair quantities, Nandor could feel his ire rise with his blood pressure.

“I’m starting to get the feeling you want this place set aflame with how much you are requesting for a daughter you said yourself was difficult and independent.”

The older man smirked. “You’re the one who insisted on taking her.”

“Yes, and I can do that very easily without paying this price. I could go to her chambers right now, pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, mount my horse, ride off with her, and then send my forces back here tenfold to bring this place to its knees.”

Her father rolled his eyes so hard that Nandor was afraid they would fall out of his head and to the floor. “Alright, fine. We will agree to your terms.” He said with a heavy sigh.

“Deal.” Nandor grinned, holding his hand out to shake the other mans.

Nandor and her father finished their handshake and signed the new agreement when the terms were amended in Al Quolanudar’s favor.

“And we enter another generation as allies.” Nandor said as he set down the quill. “One day my son will perhaps come back to negotiate with your decedent for another one of your precious women.” That is, if one of his wives would go ahead and give him a son already. “Well, what time will the wedding ceremony take place?” Nandor asked as documents were gathered up.

Her father answered with a perfunctory, “Dusk.”

“Perfect,” Nandor said before departing back to his room.

He got a bit turned around on his way back to his quarters. He felt like he kept passing the same rooms over and over again. One such room managed to catch his attention, however. At first he walked past it just like all the others, but the voice in the piqued his curiosity. He headed back to find out what was so alluring about it.

Andrakis walked back and forth retrieving items off various shelves and trunks, sorting the items into piles while humming a little tune. It looked like maybe she was packing for their journey, but Nandor couldn’t be certain.

She was lost in her own little world, never catching on that her future husband was waiting in the wings as she moved about the room. She turned, spotted him, and jumped back. “Oh, I don’t think we are supposed to be seeing each other on this day,” she said.

Nandor chuckled. “I think that myth has more to do with your attire and I doubt you’re wearing a beige frock as your wedding dress. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for tonight?”

“Who says I’m not already ready. Maybe this is my best dress.” She rested her hands on her hips, putting on an air of defiance.

He blinked a few times, a smirk plastered on his face. “You wear your best dress to the servant’s quarters to do work?”

“I can do things for myself if I want to. It’s not harming me.” She gave him the eye.

He stifled another laugh. He was used to that look. Every wife and his mother had given him that look. He wasn’t afraid of that look. Instead he just took in her form as she turned to continue gathering her little items. She was going to be so much fun to tame.

“I guess you’d better be going then. I’m sure you have a lot to do before we’re bound together. Maybe some other girl is brushing horses in the stables for you to partake of.” She said without turning to look at him, her voice dripping with venom.

Nandor frowned. He wasn’t the one who had the problem in that department. “Right, I’ll see you later on tonight.” He said coolly. Before he departed he turned back. “Oh, and I’m very much looking forward to the moment we can be alone again. I have plans for your _punishment_.” He raised his brows at her and grinned.

She turned to face him, her face soured. “You were serious about that?”

“Very serious, my lamb.” He raised his eyebrows again in a playful, lusty glance.

She just swallowed hard. “Well, I need to get prepared.” She turned to leave the room. “See you tonight, Mr. Conqueror.”

“What did I say about using my proper name now, yeesh! And wait, I’ll walk with you,” he said.

Andrakis remained silent as she headed down the hall to her destination.

“Where are you going, exactly?” he asked.

She tilted her head at his question, “If you must know, I need to boil some water.”

He grimaced. “Don’t you have people to do that for you?”

“I can do it myself.” She shrugged and walked to the scullery to retrieve a bucket before heading to the pump.

He headed to the kitchen and grabbed some fruit, an apple. As he made his way back to his room, he saw that Andrakis had made her way back inside the house, returning the scullery. 

Nandor headed that way and stopped at the doorway. He leaned on his shoulder, taking a bite of the apple, eyeing his bride to be as she lit the fire under the cauldron of water.

"See, when you are my wife, you won't have to worry about these menial chores anymore.”

She made a disgruntled noise and walked away from the water.

He slid up behind her, pressing her against the workbench, resting his hands on her shoulders. “I cannot wait to take you into my chambers tonight. No more interruptions. No more excuses.” Nandor moved her hair away from her neck and began to stroke her as if she were a cat.

She let out a little purr that morphed into a laugh, her smile hard to hide.

He turned her around to face him. “What, why are you laughing? Do you think it’s funny that I’m looking forward to holding you in my embrace as your husband?”

She looked away, grin as wide as a door-frame. “No, no, it’s not that.”

He pursed his lips together. “Then what is it?”

“I just think it’s funny that I just wanted to _ride_ the stallion and now. . .”

He blinked a few times, the wheels turning in his mind. “I’m not following. Did you want me to buy you a horse?”

She looked up as if she were pondering his offer and then looked him square in the face. “No, _you’re_ the stallion.”

The wheels of his mind were still turning slowly. “And you want to ride me? Like on my back? I mean, I could probably carry you around on my back, but that is a little juvenile don’t you think?” I would prefer to just carry you over my shoulder if we’re going to play around.” He moved to lift her up into his arms to demonstrate, slinging her over his shoulder, hand firmly pressed into her backside.

“Oh my god, and you think I’m obtuse! I just wanted to _ride_ the stallion, not _buy_ him. Take him out for a spin and then put him back in the stable. Test him out.”

Nandor stood there in serious thought. “Wait, are you saying like the cow metaphors. Why buy the cow when you can milk her for free?”

“I guess.” He could feel her shrug as she spoke.

“Wait, are you saying you don’t want to marry me?” His face fell a bit.

“I mean, everything was moving so fast last night.” She made motion to free herself from his hold.

He placed her back on the ground in front of him, but kept his hands on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eye. “But I already signed all the paperwork for the continuation of our alliance. You’re all but mine.”

She turned to avoid his gaze. “I know. It’s just. . . I. . .”

A shrill voice echoed in the doorway. The only part of the yelling he understood was “ANDRAKIS” followed by more shouting and glaring aimed more so at him than her.

Andrakis turned to the woman and uttered something he understood to mean “Sorry, and the horse was just leaving.” She looked up at Nandor, eyes pleading before turning away from him.

Satisfied, the shrill woman left the area.

He grabbed Andrakis by the shoulder before she could get too far away. “Hey, don’t leave my side without a hug first.” He pulled her into his embrace. He could feel her heartbeat quicken. When he let her go, her face was a little flushed.

“Remember, you are the one who must stay away from the stables, my lamb.” He said softly before walking away.

She called to him, “Why would I need to go to the stables? Remember, I already got to test out my stallion.” She punctuated her words with a winked.

He bristled, jumping back to her, covering her hand over her mouth. He made a series of fitful noises before saying, “Hush, they’ll hear you.”

She licked his hand and he pulled it away with a “Eeuch,” waving it limply to dry it off. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Warrior. I was just talking about your horse Jahan,” she smiled.

His face darkened. “It’s Nandor. Call me Nandor.” Then his face lightened to confusion, “And you took out Jahan for a ride?”

She smiled, winked, and bowed before turning around to attend to her cauldron.

Nandor just stared at her thinking that she may be harder to tame than he thought. He liked a challenge.

The warrior retired to his room where he spent the better part of the day selecting his attire for the evening. He may not have been thrilled about the ceremony for the sake of ceremony, but he did want to look appealing to his lovely bride. Even if she did seem to have some doubts. But it was probably just nerves. It wouldn’t be the first time such a thing occurred. Once they were alone, she would realize they would be happy together.

He finally settled on his finest robes and pants and readying himself with the help of dutiful servant. At dusk he was retrieved and escorted to the ceremony site.

He looked around and it was a little light in attendees. There were more people at the banquet last night than there were here now. He turned to his advisor. “Is this everyone?”

“Yes, sire. The family wanted to keep things. . . small.”

“Uh huh,” Nandor said. “Sure.” He hoped that Andrakis would not be sad that so few people wanted to see her wed to him. Well, it mattered little to him in the long run. They had a big ceremony and celebration planned for their return. He always made sure each wife felt special in that way. A night just about her.

The music swelled and the guests stood up. Andrakis and her father walked down the aisle.

Nandor and Andrakis stood face to face and the priest went over the ceremonial words. She smiled at him, a little giddy and shaking just a bit. He smiled back, his unease from their earlier conversation melting away.

They both agreed to the terms of matrimony and were invited to seal their union with a kiss. Nandor pulled her close and gave her a kiss on the lips which she gave back in kind.

They walked down the aisle together and were escorted to the room they had privately talked in the previous night.

“Certainly your family does not expect us to . . .here. . .” he motioned to the sparsely furnished room.

“I would hope not. I think they are just preparing the space for the feast.”

“Oh, right. Were you wanting to stay long at the feast? I was thinking we could mount Jahan and ride back to my stronghold to the south for our first night together.”

“I mean, I don’t really have a say in what happens to me now, so. . .” she shrugged.

He scrunched up his face. “Um, okay, I guess that is technically true, but I do want to know your opinions on things. If you would rather stay here and we sleep in my chambers or yours, I guess that would be fine. But I have baths we can soak in and it would be very private. No interruptions.” He licked his lips.

She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I would love no interruptions. I’m ready to leave at a moment’s notice.”

He pulled her into his embrace, dipped her head back and ghosted his lips across her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. Before he could go any further, they were retrieved and seated at the table of honor.

Nandor took in the sight of the hall. It was clear to see that this party was much more poorly attended than the previous one. He wondered if his choice in bride was a factor. He whispered to Andrakis. “This feast seems a little. . .”

“Barren?” she finished.

“Yes.”

“Eh, I don’t care. I think everyone is just jealous.”

“That’s a good attitude, my lamb.”

They finished their meal and dessert and engaged in some of the evening's revelries before Nandor insisted it was time to go. He had Andrakis’s baggage loaded into a cart for his advisors to drive back to the stronghold while he and Andrakis rode on Jahan.

“I have procured a steed for you for when we eventually arrive back on the mainland. Just like you requested earlier.” He said matter of fact.

“That was a joke. I was calling _you_ the steed.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

Nandor let out a little huff. “Well, you will need your own horse anyway.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn’t mind being this close to you on our trek back.” She leaned back and turned her head to look up into his eyes.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind either, but Jahan, he minds.” Nandor patted his steed on the shoulder.

Jahan let out a little whinny.

“Fair.” She said, patting the horse on the shoulder as well.

When they arrived Nandor looked around and realized an issue. “Andrakis, did your family not send a servant girl to take care of your needs?”

She eyed him skeptically. “Um, why would they? I can take care of my own needs.”

“You mean you dress yourself every day? And take care of your own bathing?”

She gave him an incredulous look, “Yes. It’s not that hard to dress and bathe oneself.”

He turned to his top advisor, “Is it too late to send for her to have a servant?”

His advisor frowned, “Sire, I don’t think that will be possible.”

He stood there in serious thought for a moment. “Well, then, not to worry. I too am capable of dressing and bathing. Andrakis I will help you until we can get someone for you. It will be like we are playing at peasants.”

“I’m pretty sure peasants dress themselves and bathe themselves too,” she frowned.

“Alright fine, it will be me doing something nice for you. And No, Rahim, you cannot help us. You are my attaché, not hers, and I can’t let you be seeing Andrakis without her clothing on. It wouldn’t be proper. Only I can see her that way now that she is my wife.” Nandor pulled her closer before addressing his servant again. “Go on and make sure our bath is properly drawn.”

“Bath?” she asked.

“Yes, remember what I told you? I like to have a bath regularly for cleanliness and relaxingness purposes. You will join me as this is part of your duties when you join my household.”

“Okay then, that’s not too bad.”

They were led to the bathing room. It was wall to wall tiles in ornate patterns. A sea of blues, tans, and creams. A fragrant milk and honey scent wafted up to their noses from the steaming bathtub that resembled more of a pool than any wash basin Andrakis had encountered.

Nandor took Andrakis into his arms. “This will be the first time we will be seeing each other fully disrobed. Are you excited to see what my clothing has been hiding, my lamb?”

Andrakis blushed, “Well, I’ve already seen the most important part.”

He grinned. “And I only really know what you feel like. I did not take a good look at you when I seduced you.” His lips grazed her neck. “Can you tell how much I am enticed by the thoughts of seeing your body fully for the first time.” He pressed into her hip for emphasis.

She could feel the hardness that was tenting his trousers.

“I have been thinking about what I will do to you all night and all day. No one can stop me now.” He pressed his lips into her neck and let our a low growl.

She let out a gulp, her pulse quickening.

“Why don’t I just. . .” He wrapped his arms around her, slipping her gown down slowly.

The dress slipped easily over her shoulders and fell to the ground along with her foundation garment. The only thing between Nandor and Andrakis was a hair width of space.

He took in her form. Nandor had been right about her small frame. Her breasts were lovely; nice, pert nipples encircled in small, round, tanned flesh. He gazed down her body and took in her mound of dark curls.

She made no move to approach him nor disrobe him. She seemed to be caught in a trance, holding herself to cover her exposed body.

Nandor waited for her to make a move before taking matters into his own hands. He disrobed from his finery, revealing all of himself to her. He was already semi hard in anticipation of their evening.

“I’m going to take you so hard, my lamb, you won’t be able to walk, see, or even think straight,” he said.

She gulped again and just nodded.

He closed the distance between them and hoisted her into his arms. He felt her tense up. “Why so timid, my little lamb? Are you afraid the big bad wolf will ravage you and leave you to the slaughter?”

Her eyes grew as wide as saucer as she stared at him, jaw slack.

He carried her down the steps into the pool and carefully set her down. He sat down next to her, but she moved herself on the opposite side from him.

“Hey, no, you are to sit next to me while we relax.” He beckoned her forward with a come hither motion.

Her lips thinned into a line as made her way back to him. “Why are we doing this?” she asked, a little dead-eyed.

“Were you not listening earlier? It’s to help us relax before we consummate our union.” He eyed her suspiciously. She had certainly changed her mood so quickly.

“Oh, right. That.”

“Yes, that? Certainly you weren’t expecting us to wait to consummate until we’re more properly married in Al Quolanudar. I mean, that’s probably what the protocols say, but I’m not waiting all the way to Nowruz to have sex with you when you’re perfectly available for me right here, right now.”

“But we are properly married right now.”

“Well, maybe according to your God, but not to mine.”

“Has that stopped you from engaging in sex before?”

He thought for a moment, “Not really. But my mother will be expecting a virgin when I return with you, so we will just have to pretend.”

She stifled a laugh. “Wait, so your mother expects you to come all this way, maintain an alliance with a country, acquire a bride, bring her back yourself, and then avoid sleeping with her for the whole journey?”

“Yes.” He said, matter of fact.

“I just met you and I know you’d never be able to keep that promise. Is she delusional or something?”

“She’s very headstrong.” Nandor said, rubbing Andrakis on the back, trying to stir the conversation away from his mother and back to more scintillating topics.

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I suppose.”

His lips twisted into a smirk. “You are just wanting to be punished so very hard, aren’t you, my lamb. And yet you are acting like you no longer want to ride your stallion. You barely got to even pet him and suddenly you are all shy and coy. What happened to my feisty lady who was so desperate for sex with me that she was willing to be deflowered outdoors on two separate occasions?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that you keep threatening to punish me when I didn’t really do anything wrong. Maybe I’m not feeling really amorous right now and just want to go to sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“I think I can persuade you to feel otherwise.” He pulled Andrakis into his lap. His hands stroked up and down her sides, lingering at her hips before gliding up and carefully cupping her breasts.

She could feel his firmness pressing against her thigh.

“Are you frightened of me, little lamb?”

“No, of course not.” She lied, her pulse quickening.

He buried his face in her neck and began to nibble on the delicate flesh, planting small kisses between his tiny bites. He could sense her tense up further. Usually when he pulled this move on a partner, they melted under his touch. In fact, these sets of moves had shown some success in their earlier encounters, had they not?

He pulled away and looked her in the eye. “I’m going to need you to relax now, sweet one. You’re so tense you’re going to have a fit.” He said, dancing his fingers down her back.

She took a breath and relaxed just a small amount.

He rubbed her back for a bit longer before continuing to plant kisses on her neck, making his way to her mouth. His hands continued to caress her up and down as he took her mouth into his. His tongue parted her lips and they deepened their kiss.

His hand trailed its way down her chest, over her stomach and dipped below her navel to navigate between her legs.

She leaned into him, letting a breathy moan escape her lips as his fingers pressed into her body.

Nandor found that despite her tense posture and body language, she was very ready for him as two fingers slipped easily into her. He focused his mouth on her neck as his hand made come hither motions to stroke her walls. Her hips began to cant in time to his movements, her little whimpers a delight to his ears.

He wanted to continue stroking her in this way, her little moans, cries, and whimpers sending thrilling pulses through his own body. He felt the heat already begin to coil in his core and he was at full attention now. He could easily take her here right now, but he was trying to exercise patience.

Nandor knew he didn’t want to undo her with just his hand, so he pulled his fingers out, the water making quick work to remove any evidence of Andrakis upon his digits.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked.

She nodded, her eyes glazed over and her lips in a blissed out grin.

“Good. Now, I know we just ate earlier, but I am hungry for something else.” He looked down at her lap.

Her visage sobered up quickly. “Oh . . . that’s okay, you don’t-”

He placed a finger on her lips to shush her. “Why don’t you sit on my shoulders and lie back in the water so that I can partake of your gifts” he said, sliding his hands between her legs again.

“Oh no, that’s okay. I don’t really think it’s-”

“I insist.” He said. Lifting her up from his lap. “I am going to give you the gift of my mouth upon your parts.”

Andrakis’s pupils were blown wide. She side stepped him and foisted herself out of the pool.

“Oh, are we playing hard to get now? I like this game.” He smiled and jumped out to grab for her.

“Shit!” she yelped as she ran from him.

“Oh, you think you can outrun me? I’m a warrior king! You are a noble woman.” He said as he quickly closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her. He smiled briefly, burying his head into hers before he felt a sharp sting in the stomach. Andrakis had reared her right leg back like a powerful horse and sent him back a few paces with a stinging kick that had him involuntarily release her from his embrace.

She stumbled on the slick tile, not finding her footing until well after Nandor had recovered from her rebuffing.

“That’s certainly new, but I can’t say I don’t like it. So feisty.” He licked his lips as he chased after her.

She managed to make it to the door before he captured her again. It led directly to his chambers. The room was warm with the glow of dozens of candles. It was lined with cushions and blankets in the corner that would serve as their marriage bed.

He held her face forward so she could not kick him again. He may like to play the chase game, but he didn’t want to be beaten by his new wife who was a head shorter than him, even if they were just playing.

He smiled and turned her chin to look him in the eye. “I win.”

Andrakis’s eyes and mouth wobbled in response. She let out a wail, tears streaming down her face as she attempted to fold in on herself.

“Oh dear, we’re not playing a game are we? You’re really upset?” he asked.

She let out a muffled yes and cried more, burying her face into his chest.

He made a move to scoop her up in his arms and cradled her close to his chest, carrying her over to the bed. She cried the whole way there.

He sat down and held her in his lap, rocking her back and forth while rubbing her back, all the while making soft shhh’ing noises as he let her cry out her emotions.

“Now, now, there are probably several things that could be making you have such a reaction. One, you are now realizing that you are going to be living far away from your home and will miss your mother. Two, you are suddenly realizing that you are married to a very big man who is going to keep you occupied every night to slake his thirst for sexual encounters and you’re not sure you can handle him.”

She was still crying, but it had died down quite a bit.

He continued to rub her back, his head pressed on top hers. “Or maybe it is something else and I need you to tell me or I’m going to be making terrible guesses all night.”

With her face still buried into his chest, she said, “I can’t tell you or you’ll not want to be with me anymore.”

He pulled away and made her look him in the eye. “Oh nonsense. I already know that you’ve been sampled.” He smiled, wiping a tear away from her eye. “I was the sampling one, remember?” He kissed her on the forehead. “I don’t care. We’re taking care of it with your punishment.”

That was the wrong answer because she started crying harder, this time pulling away and burying her face into a nearby pillow.

He fell back on the pillows, arms akimbo. “Did I say something wrong?”

She just answered with continued sobs and what sounded like a very muffled version of the word “Punishment.”

He sat back up, a frown painted on his face. “Is that what this is about? Your punishment? I don’t see what that has to do with your sudden mood shift.”

“It’s not fair,” she said, looking up at him. “I was not the only one who did something wrong, if you can call it that. You were just as culpable as me yet I’m the one who has to face the wrath? Why can’t I punish you?” She pointed her finger into his chest right where his heart lay.

He blinked several times, not sure how to respond to that. _Her_? Punish _him_? Oh, that would be fun. He grinned at the thought and then steeled his face to address her.

He pulled her closer, hugging her to his chest again. “Can I confess something to you, my sweet little lamb?”

She nodded yes.

“I am going to need you to calm your little tears though so I can talk to you more properly.”

It took her about a minute to calm herself down, all the while he continued to rub her back in soothing strokes with the occasional kiss at her temple in between gentle shh’ing noises. She looked up at him. “Okay, I stopped.”

He took a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to hurt you with my punishment. I was just teasing you. It was going to be a teasing punishment. It is a way to increase pleasure, teasing and delaying gratification. I can start more slowly though; I can just touch you for a bit longer and then ease off and then I can use my tongue.”

She made a little shiver at his mention of his tongue upon her flesh.

He pursed his lips and turned her to look him in the eye. “Okay, this is the fourth time you have rebuffed my advances regarding going down upon you. You said yourself you know this is something that happens between people. You’ve read it in those little books or pamphlets of yours, right? Why don’t you want me to do this for you?” He couldn’t help but let his frustration shine through his voice.

Andrakis turned away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Oh no. This was something big. He could tell.

He turned her back toward him. “Has someone hurt you in this way? That is kind of odd because you’d think they would have . . .and I know you’ve not been . . .” he said, holding her face in his hands. “Tell me what’s going on please. Like it or not, you’re my wife and we cannot be having secrets between each other.”

Her voice was barely a whisper, trembling the whole time she spoke. “If you do that, and I like it. . . it will confirm things.”

He gave her an incredulous look. “Confirm what things? That you like having orgasms without the risk of a child taking up residence in your womb? He shrugged. “You liked that orgasm we had in the stables. I can do much better with my tongue.” He gave her a little wink and tickled her a little.

She pulled away. “I lied earlier, okay.”

His face fell. “Lied about what?”

“Why I was with you. Why I let you touch me in the stables and why went down on you in the courtyard.”

“You didn’t want to test out the stallion before becoming his mare?” he teased, “I mean, I know this all happened so fast, but I think you’ll like being my wife. Better to be with me than some old grandfather type whose handsome days are long past. I’m still young enough to be handsome but old enough to have a lot of experiences to share with you. So, if you didn’t want to take me for a ride to see what it was like to have amazing sex with a big, powerful, virile, warrior, then what could the reason be?

“It’s complicated, okay.”

“Well, then just tell me.”

She sighed and hesitated. “I was trying to prove to myself that I like being with someone like you.

It was his turn to sigh. “You’ve told me this already, my dear.”

Andrakis paused and then took a deep breath before speaking. “I meant it as in . . .with a man.” She seemed to shrink in on herself as she said it out loud.

Nandor couldn’t help but make a face that was more curious than judgmental. “Oh,” he said. The warrior let the silence hang between them for several beats until it grew uncomfortable, like a fire pit on a sweltering summer night. “Um, have you ever?”

“No,” she frowned. “But there was one I liked. But she got sent away.”

He just held her close, planting a kiss on her forehead, letting the silence creep into the spaces between them again.

Andrakis buried her face into his chest once again, her wet eyes a stark reminder of her current mood. Nandor’s desire had flagged earlier, but it was only now that he took notice. He lifted her face up to address her once again, “Remember when you asked me earlier about being with soldiers. How women know it’s a secret not so secret,” he said, drawing a pattern idly on her arm.

She nodded. “Yeah, you didn’t really give me a straight answer.”

He grinned. “Well, I may have done some things like that. Had some things done upon me. I think some of the men like to do it because it’s convenient when there are no women around.

“And? What’s your point?”

“You can do both things and it’s okay. A mouth is a mouth.” He shrugged. “I actually quite like it even when there are women to be had. There are some things a woman cannot do for a man. You don’t have the right parts. Your hands aren’t as strong. Your fingers . . .more delicate.” He made a point to join his hand into hers as to demonstrate his point.

“Are you saying that if you had the choice, you’d marry a man?” she asked.

“I’m saying I’d marry both. I love women, don’t get me wrong. You’re all so beautiful and delicate yet strong in your own ways. Plus you smell nice. But sometimes a man is nice too.” He kissed her. “And if I’m honest with myself, I may have a few wives at home who would be very eager to join us in my chambers if you wanted to explore some things.”

“You don’t think I’m an abomination?”

“Of course not. Am I an abomination for liking both? No. I think it’s normal for people to like both. I mean, your culture is very known for that, right? Soldiers are for fun, wives are for procreation or something like that.”

Her voice trembled as she spoke. “So you don’t want to annul our union because I . . . held hands with a woman.”

He grinned. “Are you shitting me, you didn’t even kiss her?”

“No, just held hands. That’s not a euphemism for anything, I swear. You’re the first person I’ve ever been with.”

“I believe you.” He hugged her, looking up to the ceiling to stifle his laughter. How could someone be so innocent yet so adventurous at the same time? This Andrakis was a conundrum but seemed like she would be keeping Nandor on his toes. It was refreshing. “So I’m guessing your family got wind of this and maybe they sensed you wanted more.”

“I guess. After the hand incident they sent her away. It’s why they wouldn’t send me with a serving girl, I’m guessing.”

“Oh. So this lustful feeling you felt was for your servant?”

“Yes, Helena. She was sent away to the neighboring village.”

“It’s hard when you cannot be with who you want to be with. I know all too well. I mean, I love all of my wives back home dearly.” He paused. “Most of them.” After another pause he continued, “They are aware that I sometimes like to have a little fun with a soldier or servant too, but I’ve never told them to the extent I like being with men. I think it would make them sad, and I don’t want to make them sad. But you must know that as my wife, your options for that kind of companionship are limited. You can only do these things when I permit them, understood?”

She nodded.

“And I expect you to keep mum about my preferences too.”

“Of course,” she said.

He leaned down to kiss her, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“I think we should have the servants re-heat our bath and we should properly bathe ourselves and then prepare for sleep.”

“But, don’t we need to?”

“I think we’ve had enough excitement for tonight. You’re exhausted and your tears are staining your face and your nose is all stuffy from crying. I don’t want your first time to be marred by my not realizing you were upset with me. Let’s spend the day together and then tomorrow night we can try again.”

“But you said you couldn’t wait another night to-“

“I can wait another night for it to be right . . with you.” He ran his hand down her cheek before kissing her.

He gathered a robe and left the room to arrange for the servants to prepare the bath again.

“It will be a bit,” he said, handing her a robe. Once she was clothed, he sat next to her.

“I don’t want you to be afraid of me, okay.” He took her face in his hands again. “I want you to feel comfortable with me. I wasn’t kidding when I said we would be together nightly on our journey home. It’s been a while since I’ve been with someone and I’ve got a lot of pent up tensions to relieve. I’m a bit accustomed to having regular intercourse. Do you think you can handle that?”

“What is the other option if I get too scared or upset?”

“Well, there are a number of willing servants I can take into my chambers. Song girls, masseuses, bar maidens. Walk into a village and ask for virgins. It’s not hard to find companionship.”

Before she could answer, the servant called to let them know the bath was ready again. Nandor escorted her to the pool, letting her step in on her own first before joining her.

“We can snuggle if you want,” he said.

She scooted close to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I think I can handle it,” she said. “I don’t think you need to find anyone else. I can be that for you.”

“May I rub your back some more. Just for relaxing purposes, of course,” he said.

“Sure, I am feeling better already.”

Nandor grinned. He ran his hands down her side before concentrating on her back, thinking about how he would pleasure her tomorrow in particular. Delaying her release after touching her with his hands, partaking of her essence with his tongue, and then finally breaching her defenses to take her as his own.

He knew he needed to be careful with her though, not only because she was inexperienced but because he knew he had a high chance of her womb being invaded by his own personal army. He had enough experience with wives and concubines to know that high emotions one day equaled a baby the next.

Nandor also knew that seeing Andrakis’s pleasure faces would send him over the edge, so taking her from behind, while not the most romantic position, would give him distance enough to control his actions and keep himself from filling her with this seed. He could pull out and cover her backside, and then play it as part of his punishment scheme.

He really needed to think of what she could do to punish him too. His other wives, while nice, weren’t so much into the kinds of things he truly got off on. Maybe Andrakis would be willing to try some more tortuous methods with him?

But those were all thoughts for tomorrow. Or perhaps. . .he was having a hard time sticking to her back with his hands. Her whole body was a temptation palace.

“Would you be okay if I felt of your breasts. They are calling to my hands for cradling,” he whispered.

She giggled. “I don’t mind. Are you having trouble resisting me?”

“Very much so. You’re naked before me and I’ve been so wanting to go all the way with you since yesterday and thrice now I’ve been made to wait. One time of my own choosing, but still. Your body is so beautiful. Perky and pert and I want to dip my fingers into your flesh and then sup from you.”

“Wow, you are very enamored, huh?”

“I’m always game for a roll in the hay. If you did want to go to an actual stable, you know, I can arrange for that.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “No, I would rather indoors and in the bed.”

“Well, we can consider this part of _my_ punishment. I have to wait one more night to partake of you.”

She giggled. “If you insist.”

After their bath, they readied for bed together. Nandor shared his Argan oil with her so she could moisturize herself properly. He showed her how to carefully apply it to her face and volunteered to apply it to the rest of her body. Then they helped each other dress into their nighttime attire. 

He grabbed the oil again. “You can use it in your hairs too,” he said. “It’s very valuable.”

She smiled.“You know a lot about skincare.” 

“It’s very important for looking your best,” he said.

They entered his chambers and cuddled up together on the pillows.

“Have pleasant dreams, my lamb. Tomorrow night. We will join together in perfect harmony.”

“I look forward to it, my love,” she smiled.

His heart swelled at that, and he pulled her close and kissed her on her earlobe. “I’m so glad you are my wife, Andrakis. I hope that you are happy to be my bride.”

“I think I’m starting to warm up to it. I don’t know if I will be so happy when I have to share you with others, but I can learn to like it.”

“When you meet the wives, I think you will like them very much. Now, let’s get some rest. We’ve had quite the evening and we need to get all the rest we can.”

“I hope you have more of those tough, warrior dreams, full of battles and stabbings.”

He grinned into her ear, “You do know that was a cover, right? I wasn’t dreaming about battles. There was some stabbing, but it was very sexy.”

She turned to face him, “I know, Nandor. I’m not some dumb young thing, you know.”

“Oh hush and go to sleep. I command it as your husband.” He kissed her on the forehead before blowing out the candles.

She was off to dreamland much quicker than he was. He snuggled up next to her and hoped his dreams would assuage the tight coiling feeling in his core. He could take care of it now, but why spoil it when something much better awaited him on the morrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life force, lol. I appreciate each and every one.


	6. The Present Day: Early Courtship (Literally)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor brokers a deal with Colin Robinson to keep Andrakis a secret from his housemates. He then misunderstands the basics concepts of the Gregorian calendar and shows up on the wrong day for his first date with his long lost love. Not one to be deterred by a mistake, he proposes they spend the evening together anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> Also huge shout out to Interrobam for planting the idea for the Olive Oil conversation in my brain. History is so much fun, and they are a wealth of knowledge.

When Nandor had come down from the high of connecting with a lost love and then feeding on some unfortunate soul at Make-Out Point, he realized he had made a huge mistake. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. But this could be easily fixed. As he and Colin Robinson walked back to the mansion, Nandor planned his approach carefully.

He pulled the man aside before they entered. “Listen, Colin Robinson, about earlier-”

“What about it, buddy?” his eyes were glowing a faint blue in anticipation.

Nandor hesitated, idling playing with his ring. “You can’t be telling the others about Andrakis. They wouldn’t understand her nature.”

“So you’re saying we have a secret? Just between us buds?” Colin grinned.

“Yes, yes, you seem to be understanding this better than I thought.” Nandor nodded, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Just hold on a darn tootin’ minute, Nandor. Now, I never said I’d be _keeping_ the secret.” Colin turned to unlock the door.

Nandor grimaced, “And why not?”

Colin turned back to face his roomie. “Because what’s in it for me? I don’t care if Laszlo and Nadja know you’ve got the hots for your Fifteenth wife, so I don’t see why you should.”

Nandor frowned, “For serious, Colin, you think that Andrakis is my Fifteenth wife? She looks nothing like Azadeh. Andrakis is my Nineteenth wife, Colin. Very different looks and personalities. Also, I only kind of liked Azadeh most days. She was very aloof. Anyway, I’m getting off the track. Nadja and Laszlo would care a lot if they knew she was close associates with Lilith and her coven.”

“I don’t see why they would care about Zendaya's associations. She’s gotta be long dead, right?” Colin asked.

“Her name was AZADEH, and we are not talking about her, we are talking about Andrakis!” Nandor stamped his foot.

“Okay okay don’t flip your lid. You’ll alert the neighbors.” They stood in a stalemate for a second. “Well, I guess her being a witch would be a problem, huh. Nadja’s not a big fan of them. And she knows Lilith. Strike three.”

Nandor blinked. “What was the other strike for? You only listed two things!”

“Oh, I thought that was obvious.”

Nandor just stared at him blankly.

“Welp, I better be going on to alert the roomies about your girl. I’m sure they will want to meet her right away.” Colin turned to enter the house.

“Wait, Colin!” Nandor placed his hands on the other man’s shoulders. “You can’t be telling them. I don’t want them knowing yet. Not till I’m ready.”

Nandor thought he caught just a slight softening of Colin’s features.

“Alright, buddy, what is in it for me then? To keep my silence?” Colin smirked.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe I will let you borrow Guillermo.”

Colin let out a chuckle. “For one, I have no interest in Guillermo. Second, you don’t really have a say over Guillermo anymore, so that’s not really for you to be offering. Besides, I want you.”

Nandor’s pupils narrowed and his mouth fell agape. “Eeuch, no!”

“Not like that, you old perv, I mean like hanging out, quality time. Like we did tonight, kind of.”

Nandor’s disgust melted away. “Oh, just like going places and feeding?”

“Yeah, buddy, you’re getting it now.” Colin’s eyes were glowing a bright blue. “And talking of course. Quality time includes talking. And not your fake listening you try to pull with Guillermo. Real listening. Deal?”

Nandor grimaced. “Deal.”

The two shook on it and the vampire felt his energy depleting rapid as Colin’s eyes pulsated with an eerie blue glow. Nandor was going to regret this deal, he just knew it.

* * *

Nandor waited outside of Andrakis’s apartment building. He was dressed in his red going out on the town outfit. He tried to press the little talking machine button to get her to invite him up, but there was no answer on the other side. She wasn’t answering in the ether either. He hoped she was okay and someone hadn’t kidnapped her. Maybe that Lothario coworker of hers had trapped her in the library after school.

He was just about to pull out his new portable talking machine when he saw her walking up the street from a distance. She was carrying two paper bags in her arms and was flanked by two cats, one a sleek black creature who Nandor was sure he had seen before, the other a coarse haired parti-colored cat with patches of brownish-orange and black fur.

She grimaced as she drew nearer to her place, the bulk of the bags likely the issue.

Nandor met up with her. “Here let me get that for you.” He didn’t wait for her to relent, just taking the bags from her.

“Sorry, the handle broke and I had to walk five blocks carrying both,” she huffed. “Thanks.”

She unlocked the public access door and turned to retrieve one of the bags from him. “So, what are you doing here? I mean, you’re welcome to come up, but it’s probably a bit of a mess.”

He gave her an incredulous look. “I am here for our courting date.”

“Date?” she blinked a few times, mouth agape.

“Yes, today is the last day of the month. You said we would go out on the last day. So I am here on the last day to court you.”

She bit her lip. “Um, honey, this is a leap year.”

He turned to look at her, confusion brewing in his mind. “Leap year? What is a leap year?”

“It means that tomorrow is the last day of the month.”

His face twisted. “What, they just randomly put an extra day on the months now?”

“No, it’s not random. Every four years. Always in February.”

“When the fuck did this shit start happening?”

She unlocked the door to her apartment and said, “Ever since they switched from the Julian Calendar to the Gregorian one. It’s been this way for centuries. Have you really never noticed?”

“I guess all the days, weeks, months, years, decades, and centuries just run together when you’re a vampire.”

She shrugged and invited him in. “Again, pardon the mess.”

He took in his surroundings. Just a few magazines were spread out, a few sweaters, some cups. A breast corset was lazily hanging on the armrest of her couch. She dove for that and ran to throw it into what he presumed was her bedroom.

He sat on her couch. “So, were you wanting to still do something since I am here?”

She let out a little chuckle and motioned to her clothes. “I am in no condition to go out right now. No one would key in on us being a couple with me wearing my Friday work outfit and you looking like you’re about to meet the sultan of Brunei.”

Nandor looked her over. “I think your attire is very cute. I like the little baseball T-shirt you are wearing. Congrats on making it to the varsity level of the team. I hear that is quite the accomplishment.”

She scrunched up her face. “Do you think that my middle school has a varsity reading team? And that I, a member of the staff, would be on said team?”

“Why would you be wearing that shirt if they didn’t and you weren’t?”

“It’s a joke shirt, Nandor. There is no reading team.”

“Oh.” He crossed his arms. “Well, I think you look fine. What were you planning on doing tonight anyway?”

“Well, I was going to do some prepping for our date tomorrow.”

Nandor looked her up and down. “What prepping would you need to do? You are already supernaturally attractive.”

“Sometimes witches don’t want to rely on magic. It can fail you in some bizarre ways.” She sat next to him. “I was going to get some things from the store, get my nails done, maybe soak in the tub with a bath bomb to relax. Maybe wax a few things. Normal boring things.”

“Well, I can go do these things with you. Maybe I would like my nails done too.”

“You get your nails done?”

“Back when I was the leader of our country I did on the regular. It’s important to make sure your hands are in good health. And wives and concubines don’t like for their man to have too long of nails. It gets a bit, well, you know.” He said with an eyebrow raised. “And normally Guillermo would have helped me with my nails, before, well, before a lot of things.” He tried to wipe those thoughts from his mind less he make himself too sad. “And well, I can’t have you being the only one with date-ready nails,” he preened.

“Well, I guess we could go together. I mean, my friend Cindy was supposed to be going with me, but she texted that she was feeling ill, so, why not.” She held out her hand for Nandor. “But we might need to find you a more human looking outfit.”

His face fell. “What’s wrong with my outfit?”

She smiled, rubbing her hand down his sleeve. “Nothing for tomorrow. But for tonight, I need you to look more like that man I met at the Blue Mist.”

He frowned. “I’m not wearing a tropical shirt or cutting my hair.”

It was her turn to frown. “I’m not talking about Ahmed.”

“Oh.” He hesitated. “One problem with that.”

“What’s that?” she said, getting up to go get something from her room.

He got up to follow her. “I can’t go home right now.” 

“Why?” She was admiring a caddy full of her shoes hanging on a door.

“Nadja.” He said firmly. “Nadja is why.”

“Which one is she again?” Andrakis was looking between two pairs of sandals, not looking at him.

“The witch hater,” he said. “She’s very loud.”

Andrakis turned to face him after settling on the black pair of sandals. “Oh, right. So you haven’t told them yet?”

He shrugged. “It’s only been two weeks. I’m still working on it. Colin Robinson knows. Guillermo might know, I’m not sure. The others might suspect something but haven’t relished in telling me and teasing me.”

“Well, let’s not worry about that now. Let’s focus on what we can do to solve the clothing conundrum.”

She entered her closet and started tossing out shirts and sweaters. Clearly, they were for her as they were too small for Nandor’s frame. “Well, can you just conjure up some of my clothes for me? With your little witch powers?”

“I could if I had ever been to your house. I could try if you want to risk it, but it could turn out wrong. And that would be quite the disaster.” She exited the closet and started eyeing the clothes she had picked for herself.

“Oh, well, then maybe we can go to the shops to get more clothings. I brought my wallet with me and emptied my money dish.”

“Oh, I don’t want you to have to buy something just for tonight. Can we just call Guillermo or Colin to bring you something?”

Nandor paused. “I guess that would work.” He pulled out his phone device and headed back to the living room to call Guillermo first. It rang and rang until his little answering machine voice came on. Right, he was taking a night off for some reason.

He tried Colin next and was immediately greeted with a “Hello, Nandor, how is your date going? Must not be too good if you’re just starting out and already calling me, huh? That’s the problem with old flames, I tell you, they just-”

Nandor felt the energy draining from him. “I don’t need a lecture, Colin. I need a favor.”

“Oh, a favor, well, you don’t say. Guessing Guillermo didn’t answer, huh? Probably for the best. If he knew you had a little side piece going that boy would probably flip his-”

Nandor felt himself aging before Andrakis’s eyes. “Colin, please let me just tell you what it is I am needing.”

“Alright, fine. Whatcha need, buddy?”

“I was apparently early for my courting date night and I am needing some more casual, human type clothing for our outing. Can you bring me some more casual clothing?”

Andrakis had made her way back into the living room, looking for something in her entryway closet.

“Sure, what kind of a vibe are you going for? Nice Italian Restaurant vibe, though watch out there, bud, they got garlic in the water-”

He sighed. “We are going to some stores and getting a hand job.”

Nandor was overwhelmed with his roommates and his wife’s simultaneous response.

Colin let out a laugh. “Don’t you mean a manicure?”

Andrakis hit her hand on her face. “He means a manicure!”

“That’s what I said, don’t correct me.” Nandor said to Colin only.

“Ooh, better watch out talking to your girl like that. She’s not your familiar you know, bud. Someone is not getting lucky tonight, that’s for sure.”

He was definitely turning old and gray at this point. “Just bring the clothings, please. I will message you the address through the phone device Ether.”

Nandor hung up and then turned to Andrakis. “Sorry about that. He was draining me and I tend to get a bit snippy when he does that. I didn’t mean to be correcting you like that. I was correcting Colin. Not you.”

She just eyed him and then went into her bedroom. Her two cats eyed him as well, the sleek black one seeming to narrow her eyes much more than the medium haired one.

His wife came back wearing a solid black boatneck shirt covered by a thin white cardigan. She grabbed a bag and stuffed her little black sandals in it.

Andrakis had neglected to put away her groceries earlier in all the hubbub of Nandor appearing in front of her apartment. Since they had to wait for Colin anyway, it was the perfect time to take care of the task.

Her groceries seemed to be mostly dried goods, nothing for her refrigerator or freezer. One by one she pulled out tins of tea, coffee, and other sundries like little cakes and breads. The last item she pulled out was a big bottle of olive oil with an ornate yellow label on the front. She set it on the counter next to an identical bottle that looked like it was down the dregs.

“Are you expecting something later?” he made eyes at her.

She could easily recognize his tone. “Are you thinking I’m going to use an imported Spanish olive oil for sexual purposes?”

He shrugged. “Seems like it would be good quality.”

“I’m not using a nearly 30 dollar per bottle of olive oil on your penis.”

He laughed. “We used to use olive oil all the time. You weren’t complaining then about the price.”

“They make better lube now.” She paused. “Have you been using olive oil the whole time?”

“No, of course not.” He lied.

Before they could continue this conversational thread, they were interrupted by the buzzing of the intercom. She pressed the button and Colin’s voice rang out. “Come on up,” she answered before cutting him off mid-sentence.

Colin Robinson knocked on the door and entered carrying a duffel bag. “I made a stop at the CVS to get you some flip flops, buddy. Figured you might be getting feet done if you were getting hands done. And I went ahead and got you some other things you might need for tonight,” he said in a stage whisper that was very loud which he then accompanied with a huge wink.

“Oh, how nice.” Andrakis said.

Nandor grimaced and opened up the bag pulling out a pair of fuzzy pink flippie floppies. Bits of silver glitter speckled the shoes.

“They were the biggest size they had that would fit you.” Colin shrugged, but the glowing of his irises gave away his ruse.

Nandor pulled out a grey sweater, black pants, and a white button up that would most definitely clash with those fluffy pink shoes. “Thank you for bringing me these clothes.”

“Oh, keep digging, bud.” A faint blue glow lined the energy vampire’s eyes in anticipation.

Nandor pulled out another VCS bag and from it pulled out a small box. He carefully read the inscription. “Trojan Condoms: Magnum Size.” He blushed and pulled out another. “Durex Condoms: Snug Fit.” He glared at Colin.

“I wasn’t sure what sized you would need.”

Nandor just continued to glare at him.

“But wait, there’s more.” Colin said.

Nandor exchanged a look with his roommate and then pulled out an assortment of embarrassing items: a box of condoms for use by females, a very cheap looking hot pink vibrator, and four kinds of lubricant. One claimed to be for both male and female pleasure, one was flavored like cupcakes, another flavored like matcha, neither of which Nandor had a frame of reference to understand, but the last one was the worst of all. The last lubricant that Colin Robinson had purchased to help Nandor with his date was a rather large bottle with **ANAL** in big, bold letters.

“Well, now don’t have to bust open the olive oil.” Andrakis said with a chuckle, but the flush on her cheeks betrayed her true feelings. “You were just leaving, right, Mr. Robinson?” she gave him the look.

He faltered, the light in his eyes fading. “Uh, yes, ma’am. You two have fun. But not too much fun.” He said as he exited the apartment.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that. He’s a goader and likes to be a joking person. I do not want you to presume I thought this evening was going to end in such places,” he said, eyeing the Anal Lube in particular. “I can take all this back.”

“Oh, probably not on sexual health related items. I mean, we can probably use some of this. Maybe not the snug fit ones. Well, maybe on your fingers. Do you even use protection?”

“Protection from what? I can’t get human ailments.”

“Well, there are other reasons people use protection besides health reasons. They are one of the primary pregnancy prevention methods that don’t require a pill or implant.”

“I was never one to actively prevent a pregnancy except with you when we first met. And it would have been a lot easier had we had these devices available to us. Instead, I just had to pull out of you before release. And those lemons.”

“So many lemons,” she paused before looking at him with a smirk. “You also insisted on anal. A lot.”

“That I did.” A big grin plastered his face. “But I remember you actually liking it.” Maybe Colin was smart to have bought that bottle.

“True. I remember you telling me how most of your other wives wouldn’t let you put in their bum.”

“It’s true. I could really only get away with that almost exclusively with my concubines. They were very accommodating to anything and everything I desired. Any chance to earn my favor to help them ascend up the ladder of wealth and prosperity.” He shrugged.

“Well, we can reminisce about all of that later. Why don’t I just go put all of this out of sight. Then I guess you can get changed in my room.”

Right. Their outing. His whole purpose for being here. Once Andrakis had put all of Colin Robinson’s embarrassing gifts away, Nandor went into her room to change, neatly folding his clothes and setting them on her dresser.

He held out the embarrassingly pink slippers for her.

As she reached for her bag she asked, “Would you like me to use some magic to make these more manly for you?”

“At least make them match my outfit better. Pink is not going well with this sweater or these pants.”

“Alright, you’re the boss,” she waved her hand over the object and yellow sparks emitted from her fingertips. The pink was slowly replaced by a brilliant black. The flecks of silver glitter looked like stars in the sky.

It was still fluffy, but he liked it. His eyes sparkled with delight. “Much better, thank you.”

She stuffed them in her bag, making sure to grab her wallet and keys too.

Andrakis turned to her familiars. “Stevie, Nyx, be good while I’m gone. Stay out of the nip.”

The two cats just stared at them silently as they left. Nandor waved bye to them for good measure, smiling at them both. 

Once they hit the street, Andrakis asked, “It’s not too far, you don’t mind walking, right?” 

“I’m more used to floating and flying, but I will walk so as not to frighten the humans.”

“Good.”

The couple walked down the street together, but not hand in hand. Andrakis held one hand on her bag and the other in her pocket. Nandor pocketed both hands, idly running his fingers over his phone and wallet. It was unseasonably warm for the time of year, a lovely 70 degrees. No need for bulky jackets or layers. Perfect weather to traverse the city with a loved one. They walked in silence for four blocks, taking in the sights and sounds. Nandor could get used to this.

One crosswalk later, they approached the salon. It occupied a small slice of space, flanked on the left by a bodega and on the right by a gift shop.

“So you’ve never gotten your nails done outside of Al Quolanudar or from your familiars? Ever?” she asked.

“No, only at my residences. Why?”

“Well, this can be quite the experience. Just a heads up, they might comment on your skin’s temperature.”

“Well, it is slightly chilly outside, we were walking. It makes sense, right?”

“It’s not that cold outside though. Not to mortals at least.” She paused. “They’ll probably be more interested in how tall you are anyway, so let’s not worry.”

Nandor and Andrakis walked in and were asked what they wanted. Andrakis did the talking, telling them they wanted both a pedicure and a manicure. They were then told to pick a color. She looked through the vast array of choices, shelves upon shelves, and settled on a sparkly red polish. Nandor looked through the colors and found a nice shimmery black one. He held it up to her and said, “Like Twilight.”

She smiled and made a “twinkling” motion with her hands, a tiny gold glow emitting from her fingers for a split second.

No one noticed her brief magic stunt, and the two were seated and asked to take their shoes off. Nandor had to lean back to take his boots and socks off, nearly falling off the chair at least twice as his boot fell to the ground with a solid thud. Once he was free from his shoes, he wiggled his hairy toes. 

They were then instructed to roll up their pants and dip their feet into the pools of water attached to the chairs. He wiggled his toes more and the human attendant turned on some bubbles and put a smelling salt crystal in there.

“This is very nice.” He turned to tell Andrakis.

“Have you ever had a pedicure before?”

“Not like this with a little machine chair and bubble waters.”

“I mean, they say treat yo self, so we’re doing that,” she smiled. “It gets better.” She showed him the remote attached to the chair and it began to vibrate. He turned his on and his chair sprang to life too, a mechanism rolling up his spine and digging into his muscles. 

“Thisssss. Isssss. Niccccce.” Each word vibrated out of his mouth.

The attendant handed them each a menu of the different types of pedicures and manicures they offered. They apparently offered other services too, which intrigued Nandor. One facial option in particular caught his eyes.

“They have a facial for vampires here.” He said to her with a grin plastered on his face.

“That’s not what you think it is.”

“Oh. Well, you pick what kind of things we should get,” he said.

Andrakis went with a milk and honey pedicure and then a more basic manicure for them both.

Another attendant came to each of them to work on their hands. He felt like he was back ruling his own lands again with all these people grooming him. He just needed someone to fix his hairs and it would be complete.

The lady who was working on his feet confirmed that he actually wanted the black polish he had picked out earlier. Apparently the color was just an option, not a requirement. But he liked the color and he wanted to have sparkly black fingers and toes to look nice for his courting date.

She then asked if he wanted a design on the big toes and he asked if she could do a little bat. The woman gave him an incredulous look and shrugged but obliged. They turned out pretty cool. Andrakis kept to her red colors and the design on her toes was more floral in nature. Very pretty, he thought.

The evening of nails finished with a very percussive massage. Nandor felt that the nail attendant was literally beating his back, but it felt very nice. They only commented a half dozen times about his cold skin, but mostly just talked to each other. Andrakis paid for the services with her little plastic card and Nandor made a note that he would be picking up the tabs for all of tomorrow’s outings.

His little fluffy shoes did elicit a tiny laugh, but when you’re a 6’3” looming figure, people usually don’t make fun of you for your eccentricities. Unless they’re a teenager. They could be so cruel.

They stood in front of the building, both in their flippy floppies with their sparkly toes and fingers.

“Our hands and feet are soft and we have been massaged by machines and mortals. What are you wanting to do now?” A huge smile plastered Nandor’s face as he awaited Andrakis’s response.

“Well, my friend and I had planned to go run some errands at the mall while it’s still open. I need to pick up a few things.”

“I have not been to the mall since 1989,” he said.

“Oh, get ready to be disappointed.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

And he did see with his very own vampiric eyes. The once vibrant marketplace was now just a sad husk of what it once was. It still seemed to have some nice stores, but it was just not the same as its heyday.

They walked by the court of food vendors when a gaggle of girls giggled past them. He turned to look at Andrakis and saw a little flush paint itself on her cheeks.

“My dear, what is causing this flush on your face.”

“Oh, just those kids from my school seeing me out in the world.”

“Is that a problem for the little ones to see you out and about as a regular person?” he asked, taking her hand into this.

“I mean, I guess not. They’ll just be all, 'I saw you at the mall, who was that guy you were with?'”

“Well, you can tell them you were out on a date with a very cool and powerful vampire.” He pulled her closer to him, resting his head on hers.

She laughed, burying her face in his shirt collar. “No. Just no. They don’t need to know vampires are real. Or that I was on a date.”

“Then what will you tell them? Are you ready to be saying your husband is real, and oh yes, you have one.” He smirked.

“Well, no, because that’s not a topic that I would discuss with students. Are you meaning with my coworkers?”

“Yes, last time you were with me in their presence, you wouldn’t even let me say I knew who you were or that we were bound together as man and wife.”

“Right. And I guess that would be a no too. Not yet anyway. It’s complicated.” She sighed, looking away from him now.

“It is seeming we are both having troubles saying to our friends that we have someone we care for in our lives.”

“Yeah, we just have to be patient.” She paused, her face in a serious thought. “I just hope no one asks me about our kids when I do. I don’t know how I’m going to explain that.”

“The truth would probably be too sad for them given your apparent age,” he said, feeling bad that he had even brought it up at all.

She smiled, looking up at him. “Let’s not worry about that now, though.”

It didn’t take long for them to run to all the shops Andrakis needed items from. She just needed a few cosmetic items and some articles of clothing, but she didn’t let Nandor come into that store with her. He wasn’t sure why, but maybe some areas of society were still separated as _for men_ or _for women_ only. 

Once she had returned from her solo excursion he said, “You know what would be really fun?” 

“What? She asked, sitting down on the bench with him.

“If we could find a place to sit in a big bubble tub. Are there public baths in this country?”

“I’m not sure. I could look it up on my phone though,” she pulled the device out and started typing away.

“Good, yes. If not, I think one of my neighbors has one, but considering I scrambled his brain on accident at his Superb Owl Party, I don’t know if I want to ask him to use it.

Andrakis looked at him like she had several questions on her mind, but shook them away and just continued to look on her phone. “Alright, I found one, but we need bathing suits to use it.”

“Bathing suits? Are the mortals now so closed off that they are wearing suits to take baths in?”

“No, that’s just a name. They’re also called swimsuits.”

“I don’t have a swimming suit with me,” he said.

“We’re in a place that sells those. I need one too. Come on, let’s go.”

And so they acquired the right bubble tub suit attire. Nandor picked out a very tasteful Brazilian Sunga design that covered his bottom nicely while Andrakis chose a two piece ensemble that also covered her midriff. 

The bubble tub that Andrakis found was in a little spa place. Who knew Staten Island held such riches?

“Okay, so I had to book us a couples massage to get the Jacuzzi, but I figured, what the hell, we’re celebrating.”

“Oh, what are we celebrating?”

“The fact that we found each other after all this time? The weekend? That we can be friends or more. I don’t know, I just am excited to be with you is all,” she smiled.

“Well, I am excited to.”

At the spa, they were instructed to strip down to a level of nudity they were comfortable with before being left alone to change.

Andrakis blushed, “Okay, I may have forgotten that massages are semi-nude.” She turned to face Nandor and asked, “Are you comfortable-” Nandor had already taken off his pants and was in the process of taking off his shirt.

If Nandor were capable of blushing, he would be red all over right now. “Oh, were you wanting me to turn around so that I won’t be seeing your parts? I mean, I’m very comfortable with strangers touching me while nude, but if you don’t want to see-”

Andrakis was capable of blushing, and was sporting what looked to be a full body flush if her face and neck were any indication. “No, no, it’s okay. I mean, we’ve seen it all before. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. I mean, I guess we could keep on our undergarments. But the attendants will think we’re probably super modest if we do.”

“Who cares what they think. I want you to be comfortable. So, let’s be comfortable together,” he shrugged.

She smiled, her face returning to normal, and disrobed to just her underwear. She even took off her breast corset, but covered herself with her arms as if she were hugging herself to keep warm.

He followed suit, keeping his underpants on to match her level of comfort.

She took a look at his choice in underclothing. “Nice, very modern.” She slipped under the drapery of her table.

He followed in kind. “Well, I like the way the modern fabrics keep things cool down there.”

He hadn’t realized how tense his muscles were, even being dead and technically not having a very stressful life. He used to get massages regularly when he was human whether from his wives, concubines, or others. Sometimes he had his familiars do that for him, but their hands were never as strong.

As the therapist eased all his tension, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to think about the beauty on the table next to him. His lovely Andrakis. His wife.

Ever since he had met her again at the park and then found her again at the lounge, he couldn’t keep his mind off of her. And not just thoughts that should remain private. But just wholesome thoughts too. Remembering the smiles she shared with him. Remembering the times they just snuggled together. Remembering her introducing him to their new sons. Vaguely remembering something about their only daughter. Was it possible for a 758 year old man, a vampire, to want to be a family man again? What would that even look like? Was that something Andrakis wanted? Could they even? No, he shook the thought away. He was just feeling sad and nostalgic about all of his children that he never got to properly spend time with.

He felt very nice after the massage. They were instructed to change into their swimsuits and then escorted to the private Jacuzzi area.

They were brought some glasses of sparkling human wine and little fruits covered in …oh no, was this some kind of sick joke?

“Oh, Andrakis, don’t eat those, they are covered in human poops.”

“That’s just chocolate, Nandor. Chocolate covered strawberries.”

“Oh, okay then.”

They settled in the pool side by side. They snuggled up together and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“This is nice, she said.

Her being partially nude was stirring more things in his body than when he saw her almost completely nude in the massage room. Maybe it was the warm water, maybe it was the proximity, maybe it was her. His hands smoothed themselves over her sides and rested upon her hips.

“So, when you are using the spells to make yourself appear youthful, do you have to concentrate more to make yourself look really different or do you just revert back to an older version of yourself.”

“Are you asking if witches take liberties with their ‘natural’ looks.” Andrakis emphasized the word with those hand gesture Colin was always using when he was trying to drain them with a boring tale.

“I guess, yeah.”

“Well, I mean, witches are a diverse group. I’m sure there are some who take more liberties or make themselves completely different. I’ve never been unhappy with my looks, but I pretty much stick to my thirties. It’s a nice mix of age and beauty. I can go younger, but at a certain point it’s just kind of sad and creepy,” she shrugged.

“I wouldn’t want you to go any younger, I like the way you are now. I mean, if you wanted to go a bit older, I wouldn’t be against it.” He teased, taking her more into his lap.

“Are you trying to get fresh with me, Mr. Vampire,” she smirked.

“No, I’m trying to get dirty.” He planted a kiss on her temple.

“You’re really selling it well with that temple kiss,” she grinned.

“Well, I am also trying to be respectful. I am not wanting to pressure you into going further. The protocols said the bathing attire needed to remain on. We do not want to mess up the bubble pool for the future patrons.”

“You’re so adorable.” She hugged him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

Their time was up and they dressed back into their street clothes to return to the outside world.

As they walked back toward her place, Nandor said, “I am getting to where I need to feed. I didn’t feed before departing for your home.”

“Do you need to hunt or do you want me to order you dinner?”

He turned his head to the side and gave her a curious look, “You can do that?” 

“Yeah, I downloaded the VVaiter app this morning just in case.”

“Vaiter?”

“Yeah, they deliver blood and such to your door.”

His face fell. “Guillermo didn’t tell me this existed.”

“Well, he might not know about it. It’s pretty new. It’s not just for vampires, witches can use it too when we need some blood for a ritual that doesn’t require a sacrifice.”

“They have that?”

“Yeah, it’s the 21st century. So, do you know what type of blood you like best?”

“Virgins,” he grinned, his eyes morphing to a glittery black.

“Virgin is not a type of blood. A type of blood is like A, B, AB, O, Positive or Negative.”

His eyes transformed back to their normal hue. “I have not heard these terms. I don’t know if I could tell the difference between an A or a B blood. Are the negative ones more bitter?”

“I don’t know. I think it might depend on the commonality of the type as to how it tastes. I’m not super sure though.”

“Well, order me whatever you think I will like.”

“Alright, will do." She tapped a few screens on her phone. "And done,” she smiled. “If we hurry, we can be there when it arrives.”

They headed back to her place and approached the building when Andrakis got a notification that the VVaiter delivery person would need her to wait for them outside the apartment. 

“Why don’t you go up stairs while I retrieve your dinner,” she said, handing Nandor her keys. 

He obliged and Andrakis leaned against the building when she spotted a man on a bicycle, VVaiter logo on his little basket. He was wearing beige slacks and a mottled sweater, definitely designed to blend in. Not much else was remarkable about his attire. Little glasses framing a tan face that was further framed in dark curls were about the last bit that stood out. However much he wanted to be unnoticed, there was a powerful aura about him that said _don’t mess with him_. Pretty, but dangerous. If he were a little older, Nandor would be all over him. Especially with those soft lips and that ass. Okay, maybe there were a few more things remarkable about him. Definitely a _Mr. Steal Your Man_ type, but entirely on accident.

Andrakis smiled as the delivery man approached. 

“I take it you’re Jaz?” the man asked, seeming a bit bored.

“That’s me.” she smiled, showing him the app’s QR code so they could confirm the exchange. 

He eyed her as he handed her the blood. 

“See something you like?” she winked. 

“Just wouldn’t peg you for a vampire or a familiar, ma’am,” he nodded.

“Vampires aren't the only beings in need of blood.” She raised her hand with a flourish and let colorful sparks fly from her fingertips.

He eyed her with the beginnings of respect and nodded a short, “Have a good evening.”

As she headed upstairs, she closed out the transaction, tipping the man generously above the minimum. 

Andrakis arrived to see Nandor sitting on the couch, twiddling his thumbs. Her two familiars were looking at him expectantly. 

“He’s not going to feed you.” she told them as she handed Nandor his dinner.

He cracked open the bottle, taking the blood in huge gulps, his Adam’s Apple undulating as he guzzled the warm, sweet nectar of life.

“That good, huh?”

He held up a finger to her as he continued to let the blood wash over his tongue and down the back of his throat. It coated all his taste buds and his eyes glowed gold and red as he took in each delectable drop. Once he finished, he dropped the canister and said, “It was delicious. What kind was it?”

“The site said they harvested it from a man who lives with his mom in the Bronx.”

“Well, he was absolutely delicious. Was he a virgin?”

“It doesn’t list that level of detail.”

“Well, it tasted very virginal to me. This blood has put me in quite a mood, if you know what I mean?” he lifted his brows at her, closing the distance between them at record speed.

“Oh, wow. Um. I need to eat too though.” She said, holding him back a bit.

“Oh, I know something I could go for now.” He licked his lips, blood still staining the corners of his mouth.

She gave him the look. “I’m being serious. I haven’t had dinner yet either.”

“Oh, well, that’s fair, I guess.”

“It should be here soon. I ordered it after I ordered your blood.”

“Well, maybe I could.” He looked down at her lap, “while we wait?”

“You’re saying you want to. . . until my food gets here?”

“Yes, like racing the clock. How far can I get you until we get interrupted by some stupid obligation, like back in Al Quolanudar when I would carry you off for some morning or afternoon delight even though it wasn’t your turn in the rotation.”

She reached into the bag for a napkin and wiped the blood from his face. “Why even have a rotation if you are going to break it,” she sighed.

“Well, it was a nice way to keep things fair. It’s not my fault you were one of my favorites and I wanted to see you more,” he shrugged. “I didn’t see you complaining when I was balls deep in you more than once a month.”

“True. She said, shimming her pants down.

His eyes glowed gold at the sight of her bared flesh. “Alright, so if I can get you off before the food arrives, that means we can fuck later, yes?”

“On our first date?” she blushed.

“Don’t be coy with me, ma’am, when you are letting me eat _you_ on our first date.”

He sat next to her and trailed a finger down her abdomen before breaching the barrier of her cotton briefs, raking his fingers through her curls. “I hope you were not thinking of waxing this off for me. I like the hairs.” He said, emitting a low growl into her neck.

“Oh, you do now?” she grinned.

“Yes. I can already tell how aroused you are by me just touching you.”

“I thought you said you were racing the clock?” she splayed her arms over the back of the couch and threw her head back.

He got down on his knees and prepared to delight her with his tongue, pulling her underwear aside. He looked up to her and grinned as he nuzzled into her flesh. And just as his lips grazed her mound, the ringer buzzed.

She shot up and arranged herself before buzzing back. “Be right down” while mouthing a sorry to Nandor.

“It’s okay,” he said, “Just makes me want you more when you deny me your body.”

“Oh, like you're not a huge tease yourself.”

“I will be teasing you later,” he said with a wink.

After she had put her pants back on, she ran out to get her food and then came right back up.

“I guess you drained your food already. I watched you eat so now you can just watch me. It’s not nearly as sexy though.”

“You can tell me what everything is and tastes like.”

She got out her little meal of kebabs. A skewer of shish and lamb over a bed of saffron rice with a side of grilled vegetables.

“This looks very much like food from our homelands.”

“Yeah, I was feeling nostalgic. I did make sure to ask for no garlic on anything though. I mean, I can probably brush my teeth super well and use mouthwash, but I didn’t know if any lingering effect would take place.”

“Thank you for thinking of me. It should be fine though.”

He let his mind wander again as she ate. He couldn't help but admire her lips, thinking of the things she could do with them.

He was taken out when she said, “It’s a little weird with you watching me eat. Maybe next time we can plan our meal a little better.”

“I’m sorry, am I making it weird?” Hopefully she couldn’t read minds.

“Maybe just a little, but it’s okay. It’s going to be weird with us being so different.”

“True.” Maybe she couldn’t. Good.

She finished up her food and put the plate in the sink.

They made their way to the couch and snuggled up together. “Maybe we could watch something on TV before we, you know,” she said with a wink.

“Oh yes, the small screen. Maybe they will have something that will entice us,” he grinned.

She found a movie that was romantic and sexy. She leaned her head on his shoulder. He rested his hand on her thigh, rubbing it up and down idly as he watched the movie. It was about a couple of mortal people doing mortal people things and lots of kissing and vague sexual scenes. Very enticing, he thought.

He turned to look at Andrakis to see if she was just as aroused as he was. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was a little slack. She was breathing evenly, the power of slumber taking her. Nandor tried to nudge her, but she only grumbled and seemed to slumber harder.

It was pretty late for a non-vampire person, he imagined, even a witchy one. There was only one thing to do in this circumstance.

He turned to look at her familiars who were perched by the bedroom door. “Excuse me, do you know where your master keeps her evening clothes so I can prepare her for slumber?” Surely she didn’t want to sleep in her work jeans and breast corset.

The smaller, sleeker one, the one Andrakis had called Nyx, got up and nudged her head to follow. He gently laid Andrakis down on the couch to follow the creature. The cat was waiting on the bed with a pair of gray pajama bottoms with little unicorns on them sitting in front of her. He hadn’t remembered seeing them earlier. They were a soft fleece.

Nandor walked out to retrieve Andrakis, cradling her in his arms. He undid her fly and slipped her jeans off her hips and onto the floor. He dressed her in her little fleecy bottoms and then sat her up. He reached under her shirt and behind her back to find the clasps of her corset. He fiddled with them until they all came undone.

“Um, how do I get this off of her without the shirt coming off?” He said to no one in particular.

He lifted the corset off of her breasts and finagled with everything until he was able to finally slip the garment through her open shirt without exposing her breasts to him. Sure, he’d seen them before, earlier in the evening in fact for a brief moment, but he didn’t want to expose her without her knowledge or consent.

Nandor pulled back the covers and placed her between them, resting her head on a pillow before tucking her back in. He planted a small kiss on her forehead before leaving her side. The vampire took a look around her room for an appropriate resting place. It only had one window with a curtain covering it. There was a bathroom with no windows and a walk-in closet too.

He walked back out to question the familiars. “Excuse me, but do you have any blankets or anything I could use to make myself some bedding for the floor? Maybe a pillow?”

This time the bigger, coarse furred one got up. Andrakis had called this one Stevie. A Tortoiseshell cat if he remembered correctly from his book on all the different kinds of felines in the world. She got up and showed him to a linen closet. Nandor retrieved some blankets and a pillow and took them to the walk-in closet. It was out of the window’s line of sight, so it seemed a safer bet than the bathroom.

Sure, he could have left in the night, but it felt more right to just sleep over here. Plus, he had kind of planned for that. He walked over to his clothes and pulled his smaller bag of soil out of the vest pocket. He wasn’t ready to end his courting date and just leave her all alone, not knowing what happened to him. And so the centuries old vampire made his bedding on the ground. The two cats stared at him as he closed the door.

He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick textual correspondence letter to Guillermo.

_Dear Guillermo,_

_I will not be coming to rest in my coffin at the house tonight. I am out with a friend who has granted me sheltered. Do not worry about my safety, for the place is secured and two familiars are standing guard to watch over us._

_Please make sure the trash is taken out in the morning._

_I will let you know if I plan to return tomorrow night._

_Sincerely,_

_Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Devoted Husband._

Nandor placed the phone next to him and then assumed his usual sleeping position, arms folded over his chest. 

He was fast asleep when Guillermo’s reply came in with a loud buzzing.

_WTF?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are my life force, lol. I appreciate each and every one.


	7. The Past: Consummation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrakis has some trouble dealing with the rules Nandor has laid down for her to follow, leading to them having a minor spat. Nandor must try to win himself back into her good graces otherwise she might not go to bed with him. Nandor also decides that it's time to tests some more boundaries with this new wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me and for helping me plot out some details. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> Another chapter in the past, which means the Explicit warning is in full swing. Pretty much ever tagged sex act can be found in this chapter.

The next morning Nandor awoke and turned to snuggle his bride to his chest, but was greeted by a pillow instead. His eyes shot open and he looked around. She wasn’t in the bed-chamber. She wasn’t in the bath chamber. She wasn’t in any room in any part of the stronghold.

He found his advisors sitting at a table eating a light breakfast. “Where has my Andrakis runoff to?” Nandor managed to say as he caught his breath.

“I don’t know, sire. Last we knew she was with you.” The younger one said.

Nandor seethed and headed out the door, grabbing a sword for good measure. Someone must have broken in and stolen her from him, and right from under his nose.

He got a few steps out of the front gate when he spotted her by a tree. She was dressed for the day, hair in a braid, and picking wild flowers.

Nandor stormed over to her, still in his nightgown.

“What the fuck are you doing outside?”

She turned and looked at him, eyes as wide as saucers. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you are disobeying the rules.” He put his hands on his hips.

“What rule would that be? I’m not in the stables by myself. I’m not tempting the servants with my feminine wiles,” she grinned. “I’m picking flowers. Is that a crime?”

“You aren’t supposed to leave the house without a male escort or family member present. That’s me! Someone could have spotted you alone and hurt you.” He said, grabbing her hand to take her back inside.

She let out an audible huff. “We’re the only people here for miles. Did you think one of the horses was going to get me?”

He sighed. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt, okay,” he said, hugging her.

She hugged him back. “I won’t get hurt. I know how to take care of myself.” Andrakis stepped back to show him her bounty. “I picked these for our room,” she said, handing him the bundle.

“Wow, a woman bringing a man flowers. How very forward,” he grinned. “Let’s go back inside and get something to eat. I have a fun day planned for us.”

They went back inside and had a small breakfast after Nandor got dressed. The advisors were still eating, so he made idle conversation with them about their arrangements to get home.

“No, she insists she doesn’t need a servant to help her with her clothing and needs.” Nandor said, nibbling on some pomegranate seeds. 

The younger one objected, “But what if she becomes-”

Nandor cut him off. “That’s not going to happen. You remember what my mother instructed.”

They nodded.

“And I intend to make sure my personal army stays far away from that encampment.” Nandor said, wrapping his arm around Andrakis’s waist and then resting his hand upon her abdomen.

His wife turned every shade of red in existence as he continued to idly rub her in this way, insisting that he was an expert in this domain and knew how to keep her womb free from invasion. 

The older one chimed in, “So you’ve forgone waiting? But what about?”

“But what about it? She’s my wife. I can do what I want with her. My mother has no power to stop me and you two will keep your mouths shut on the matter as it’s none of your business what I do in my bed-chambers and with whom.” He slammed his fist on the table for good measure before pulling Andrakis into his lap, both hands now cradling her torso.

“If I could just-”

Nandor put his hand over her mouth. “Man only conversation, Andrakis. This doesn’t concern you.”

She frowned beneath his hand. Andrakis was certain that talk of her own womb was very much her concern.

His advisors left after that and the newlyweds ate their meal in silence. 

Andrakis seemed to be in a dour mood after breakfast, likely from his early scolding her about leaving the compound alone, so Nandor decided it was time to take her out and show her around. 

She was sitting down in their bed-chamber reading a book when he promptly lifted it from her hand before lifting her and tossing her over his shoulder. 

“What are you doing?” she sounded exasperated.

“I’m taking you to the market,” he said. “Don’t you want to go out and see things with me?”

“I can walk you know?” she said, struggling to free herself from his hold.

“I know,” he smiled, and continued to carry her, splaying his hand across her bottom.

He finally put her back on her own two feet when they were outside the house where they continued to walk to the horse stable.

“Now, don’t get any ideas, dear. I’m waiting until tonight to take you as my own,” he grinned.

Andrakis met his gaze and rolled her eyes at him.

He gave her an incredulous look, “What’s wrong, why are you so sullen all of a sudden.”

“Well, you wouldn’t let me speak on my own behalf, and you keep thinking I want to have sex in horse stables.”

“Well, you need to learn your place when you’re in my world, my dear. I don’t want you getting yourself in trouble around others with your western ways.”

“If you didn’t want a wife with western ideals, then why did you even come searching for one in the west?” she placed her hands on her hips and gave him the look.

“I’m not the one who made an alliance with your country oh so long ago, but I did promise I would do my best to maintain it. Your sister nearly fucked it up pretty bad, so now we’re together. I thought you were happy to leave your country behind?”

“Technically we’re still in it.” She rolled her eyes at his explanation of the facts that she was very well aware of. Andrakis didn't appreciate being treated like a child.

“Technically this stronghold is Al Quolanudarian, so no, we’re not.”

“I’m going to need a minute,” she said, walking straight past him, and over to the horse stables where she promptly walked behind the structure.

He eyed her as she walked away and followed at a safe distance. He strolled into the stables and grabbed Jahan by his reins. “I’m going to have to be very careful with her later, my fine boy. Wouldn’t want her to fall prey to my invading forces now. They will definitely take hold and make camp, and then I’d have two women to deal with on my way home.” He let out a little laugh which caused Jahan to let out his own whinny in response.

Andrakis could overhear everything her husband said to his horse and tried to hold in a laugh. Did he really think babies were born the moment after they were conceived? She was definitely not letting that happen any time soon. If she even wanted to consummate their relationship tonight. After the way he behaved this morning? No way. He could go find someone else to fuck for all she cared. 

She found that Nandor was waiting for her down the path leading out from the stronghold, so she took her sweet time walking over to him. He helped lift her atop of his trusty steed, and they headed to the marketplace in silence.

After securing Jahan to a post, they walked together through the marketplace, Andrakis keeping somewhat distant from Nandor. He was at a loss for what to do to lift her spirits up. He wasn’t used to his wives giving him the cold shoulder in such a public fashion. 

Andrakis had pulled away from him to go admire some shawls when Nandor spotted another man eyeing his bride with less than respectful eyes. She didn’t seem to notice the looks at all, so Nandor hurried his way to her, taking her into his embrace.

“My dear, this is where you ran off to all of a sudden? Why did you not tell me you wanted a shawl. I will buy them in every color for you,” Nandor said, eyeing the strange man, glaring daggers at him as he let his own hands snake down to take hold of Andrakis’s bottom, making it known she was taken. The man seemed to take the hint and left the vicinity.

The vendor seemed very pleased to provide the warrior his whims and wishes, giving Andrakis an array of shawls. 

“Thank you, Nandor,” she said, starting to feel a little better. 

“I was thinking maybe we grab a small meal here and then head back home for dinner?”

“Sounds good,” she smiled.

They looked around at different stalls and gathered some supplies for the servants to make their evening meal for them, procuring a nice lamb for dinner. They also bought some honeycomb, olive oil, and some Argan oil just for Andrakis to use.

The journey back to the stronghold was much more amicable, and they chatted about different foods they both liked to eat before shifting to talk about their evening plans.

“I was wondering if I could perhaps . . .take you to _bed_ with me tonight?” he asked.

“I mean, I figured that was going to happen,” she shrugged.

“I wanted to be sure. You seemed pretty upset with me earlier, and I know sometimes when a wife is upset, that means a husband should go and find companionship elsewhere.”

“I think I’d just rather get it over with.”

He frowned. “Get it over with? Is that how you view your first sexual encounter?”

“It’s not our first.” 

“Well, it will be the first time we go all the way to the finish. I’m not just going to rut into you and then fall asleep, you know. I was going to make a whole evening of it. I want it to feel good for you, for us both to enjoy it.”

She could feel her whole body flush with warmth. “And you promise you won’t hurt me?”

“I mean, not on purpose. Unless you like me to get a little rough with you. You already know my size and, well, you're probably going to have some pain adjusting to me. You are very tiny in there.”

She didn’t respond to that.

“Are you okay, my lamb? Are you having second thoughts again?”

“No, not really. I guess I’m just nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, but I promise I’ll take good care of you. I was thinking it might be fun to play around a bit first.”

She quirked her brow. “How do you mean?”

He explained what he meant by play around, leaving no detail out. She laid out some ground rules of her own, and they agreed to the protocols of the evening as they arrived back at the stables.

Nandor had some exercises he needed to complete, one could never rest for too long, and Andrakis spent her afternoon reading while he practiced his maneuvers. That night they feasted on kebab and rice and drank copious amounts of wine, returning to their chambers after draining two bottles of the region’s best.

He laid Andrakis on the bed and curled up next to her. “Are you ready to be punished?” he said, grinning.

She nodded and winked and shot up to run off, giggling.

“Oh, no you don’t, my sweet.” He said, laughing as he quickly caught her and threw her over his shoulder.

“Unhand me you big, brute.” She playfully hit him on the shoulders.

He lightly tossed her on the bed and began to make his way up her dress. “How’s this for hands, huh?” Nandor raked his hands through her curls before finding her sensitive flesh.

He stroked her a bit and then looked up. “You’re already so ready for me. Have you been thinking about me all day?”

“Maybe.” She giggled, her cheeks flushed from both the wine and her arousal.

He started with two fingers stroking her upper walls and his thumb doing similarly on her clit. His continued movements over her hot bundle of nerves had Andrakis instantly moaning so loud, he was afraid the whole compound would hear her. Once she started crying out his name for more, he used his other hand to penetrate her with two more fingers, this time stroking her pelvic floor. Nandor moved his fingers in tandem to stroke all of her sensitive flesh. Each passing movement had her more wet and ready for him. He worked her up into a frenzy, her hips thrust against his fingers, craving to be led over the edge. His hands were slick with her essence before removing them. 

“Not yet, my dear.” He parted her mouth with the fingers on his right hand, letting her lick them clean while he did the same to the ones on his left. “You have never tasted yourself before, am I right?” He stroked her chest as he spoke.

“Well, you did kind of paint my lips with it that one time, but it wasn’t enough to sample,” she said, going back to suck on his fingers more. “And it’s not that bad. I like it better than that stuff that came out of you.”

He let out a little laugh. “It’s not as salty, no. I do prefer it to the taste of pre-cum and semen too.”

“So you’ve?” she asked with a raised brow.

“What, you don’t take me for the type that would put a penis in my mouth?” he grinned.

“Well, earlier you did say you were the _Conqueror_ and such, so I thought you let other people do those things to you.”

Nandor pressed his face against her neck, nibbling at the base. “Yes, and I also said I had done some things too. I like to be in the serving position.” He let a low throaty growl rumble into her neck.

“You do?” she gasped as the sensation rolled through her.

“Yes, did you think I was only doing these things for you, to what? Prepare you for my impending invasion?”

“Well yes, you said it would help.”

He peppered her neck with kisses as he spoke. “I like doing these things for you. For my partners. Even though I’m serving you, you’re still beholden to me, and I’m the only one you can derive these pleasurable feelings from. So it may seem like I am serving you, but you’re serving me much more in return when you cry out my name and beg me for more." Nandor paused and then a devilish grin spread across his face. "Or for mercy.”

She swallowed hard at the word “mercy.”

“Don’t be afraid, my lamb. I promised I would not hurt you and I will keep that promise.” He let that moment simmer before adding, with the quirk of his brows, “But if you were wanting to be hurt, I know how to control myself.”

He could sense her breathing heighten, her skin flushing just at his words.

“I can make it part of your punishment.” He reached over to cup her ass cheek in his hand, gently rubbing it.

Her breath hitched. “Show me.”

Nandor smirked and motioned for her to bend over his lap. He caressed her bottom, giving each cheek a squeeze before lifting his hand and smacking her hard. She let out a little whelp and jumped forward. He pressed his hand gently on her backside and massaged the spot he had hit with soothing circles. “Do you like that, sweet one?”

She swayed her hips, her ass practically calling to be grabbed and smacked again. Andrakis voiced her wishes, “Hit me again.”

He did, harder, the smack reverberating through the bed-chamber. She let out a soft moan, begging for more. His freehand felt her entrance, wet and waiting for him. He smacked her a few more times until she was begging him to please relent.

And so he did, pulling her to rest with him as he soothed her sore buttocks with gentle strokes of his hand.

“How would you like to try that on me?” he asked.

“As part of _your_ punishment?”

“Yes.” He grinned. “But not just now. I want you to do some other things too, and I need to make the right arrangements.”

“I’m intrigued,” she said, quirking a brow at him.

He didn’t answer with words, instead changing the subject with a kiss. She gave back in kind, grinding against him to assuage the feelings in her nether regions.

“You are so ready for me to take you, hmm?” he asked after they came up for air.

“I’m so ready for you.” She said as she continued to grind his thigh.

“Careful now, you'll come on my leg instead of on my penis.”

“Well, do something about it,” she whined.

He moved to her neck, giving her a playful lick on her pulse point. “May I?” he motioned down to her throbbing sex.

“Yes, you can. But . . .you’ll stop if I ask?”

“Of course.” He kissed her. “But I think you’ll find that you’ll want me to keep going,” he grinned.

Nandor stretched and took off his shirt, tossing it to the side. Propping her up on some pillows, he crouched onto his knees, and lifted her skirts above her waist.

She spread open for him, breathing heavily as he made his way down there. He brushed his lips against her, his warm breath sending tingles down her spine.

He ran his hands over her mons, massaging the sides and the inside of her thighs with his hands, rough from all of his training and battles. Nandor opened her up and gave her a tentative lick, starting at the base of her entrance and moving up to suck on her clit.

This feeling was wholly new and not wholly unwelcome. It felt ten times more intense than what he had done to her earlier with his hands.

Andrakis let out a long, laborious moan as his tongue slid through sensitive flesh, the pressure from his suction making her cry out his name. Heat pooled deep within her core as he continued his motions on her body.

Nandor spread her a bit more before burying his tongue into her waiting folds again. She tasted even better from the source than she did upon his fingers. He gave long, languid laps of his tongue, taking in all her essence before he traced it back up her entrance and to focus on her clit again.

Andrakis’s knees buckled as soon as he hit her spot again. A long moan fell from her lips as she grabbed his hair.

He pulled away and looked up to her, “I told you it would be delightful.”

He went back down and continued to lave his tongue all over her, his mouth suckling and nibbling her throbbing clit.

She continued to let loud, throaty moans escape her lips. Sometimes they were crying out for more, sometimes they were crying out his name, and sometimes they were crying out phrases he didn’t quite understand.

As Nandor continued to lap up his new wife, his mind wandered. It was always fun to be with someone new and fresh. He could mold her into an ideal lover, although she seemed to come to some of this quite naturally. Just because she was very forward did not mean she wasn’t a virgin. He felt her up himself, she was very _tight_ in that regard. He really wasn’t sure if she would be able to birth him a child at all with such delicate equipment. He reminded himself to be careful with her and not lose his head when the time came.

He added a finger to stroke her walls, knowing this would intensify the feelings she was feeling. He wanted to bring her just the precipice of bliss before invading her fully.

As his pace increased, her words became even less intelligible. She was fully reverting to her home language and general moans now. He could feel her body melt under his touch.

Nandor pulled away as her whimpers and whines came closer together. “I told you,” he said.

“You weren’t wrong.” She panted, canting her hips up to his face.

“Now, I know you probably really want me to continue, yes? Make you come?”

“Oh god, yes!” she cried.

“Well, no. I’m ready for you to be mine all the way.”

He crawled over her to lie next to her and took her face into his hands and placed a kiss on her lips. His beard was slick, and his tongue was coated in her.

Nandor continued to kiss her, letting Andrakis taste herself on his lips, snaking a hand back to her thigh.

She broke the kiss and begged, “Please, just stick it in me and fuck me. I need to come.”

He grinned. “Patience, dear. I need to prepare myself.” He slicked himself up with her essence. “Now, I need you to turn over on your stomach, prop your knees up.”

“Uh, don’t we need to be lying down?” she asked.

“No, no, no, my lamb. This is part of your _punishment_.” He winked.

“But you said you would not hurt me.” She turned to confront him.

“I am not going to hurt you. I’m taking you from behind because it will guarantee that we do not create a child.”

“Really? That’s your punishment?” Andrakis gave him a skeptical look.

“No, that’s really just to protect you while we journey home. I don’t want your womb occupied while we cross the sea and lands. A baby will make you miserable. The position is to help me ensure one doesn’t occupy.”

“I don’t see how the position has anything to do with what happens.”

Nandor shrugged. “I just know it works, okay. I can control the release of my army better from this tactical position. I want to keep you around unmarred by childbirth for a while. All my other wives are either already with child again, or with their first, or their babies are still nursing, so they’re all off limits to me. And I need someone I can fool around with on the regular while they’re busy birthing and rearing babies. I get bored with concubines easily. I need someone who can stimulate my interest.” He growled into her neck, grabbing a hold of her clothed breast with one hand and her ass cheek with another.

“So I’m just a plaything to you?” she looked down.

He sighed. “No, you are going to be an important member of my harem. I just don’t want you with child right away. Believe me, you don’t want your womb full of a baby on an ocean trip and land trek.”

“Alright, I guess that makes sense,” she shrugged.

“Good, little lamb. Now, let's get you out of that frock.” He lifted the garment over her head.

She helped him slip out of his pants before turning her back to him.

Nandor guided her hips into position, planting kisses on her neck as he eased forward.

Andrakis leaned into his touch and felt his penis pressed against her entrance.

“I need you to sit back and help take me in. We’re going to go slowly to help acclimate you. I know he’s big, but you’ll adjust. I think I’ve prepped you enough to where it won’t sting too bad.”

Andrakis followed orders and eased on to him, but it wasn’t going in right. Nandor moved to retrieve the bottle they had purchased earlier from the market. He poured the olive oil into his hand and rubbed it onto his penis before taking some more into his hand to rub onto her entrance. 

They tried again, Andrakis easing back and him holding his penis firmly in place until he was able to breach the entrance. She took him in bit by bit at a time until he was fully sheathed within her. She never felt so full in her life. She did feel the tiniest sensation of pain as he began to move slowly in and out of her. Her breath became strained as she dealt with the twinges of discomfort.

Nandor held her as he pumped into her slowly, peppering her neck with kisses. “You’re going to be okay, little lamb. I’m here for you.” He snaked a hand around to her front and found her clit. “This will make it better for you.”

Nandor wasn’t wrong, his hand upon that spot sent pleasant pulses throughout her core as he began to move faster inside her.

“You are mine now.” He growled into her neck, taking a nip at her flesh ever so gently. “Tell me you are mine, Andrakis.”

“I am yours, Nandor.” She felt the heat build up again as Nandor hit her spots.

“You are mine. Your body is mine. Your heart is mine.” He said as he thrust even harder and faster than before.

“I am all yours, Nandor. Every part of me.” She said, breath hitched in her throat.

Before she knew it, the ache in her loins dulled and morphed into pleasure. Each thrust building up a pressure in her core that cried for release. His hands migrated momentarily to her breasts, cupping them and squeezing her nipples as he thrust in and out, his sack hitting her with a rhythmic smack.

Nandor had never been in such a tight space before. Each pump into Andraki's center sent thrilling sensations down his penis, zooming through his loins and settling into his core. A tight heat coiled there, building up the pressure in his groin. He couldn't help but groan and grunt in response as he continued his relentless pace.

Nandor’s earlier work was all coming to an apex. Nothing had ever felt so good in her life. Andrakis felt herself climbing a mountain, each movement from Nandor sending her higher and higher. Her ability to speak in intelligible words diminishing with each thrust. His own moans and grunts thrilling her. Suddenly she was at the top of the mountain; it didn’t feel like she could take much more. She begged him to keep going. To just throw her over that edge, so she could come down and feel whole again. 

He just answered with his own animalistic grunts and growls, upping his pace as Andrakis cried out in words he couldn’t understand.

And then, just when she didn’t think she could take much more, an avalanche took her down the side as waves of pleasure soared through her, her walls clenching Nandor in a tight grip as she came.

And that was enough to undo all his plans. Her velvet walls closing in on his penis sent a wave of pleasure through his body. His eyes flew up open as wide as a plate.

Nandor's thrusts stopped their frenetic pace as a small amount of his seed spilled into her. He pulled out and hot ropes of cum shot up her back, some landing in her hair. He continued to pump them out until it was all but a drizzle.

He panted a few times, trying to catch his breath. “Um, Andrakis. I am going to need to clean you out.”

She turned to face him, her face scrunched up. “Um, what?”

“I was not supposed to do that.” His voice trembled, betraying the confident air he was trying to give off.

“Do what?” 

“Complete the intercourse act within you. Don’t lie back, let it all just fall out of you,” he said.

It was her turn to tremble. “Are you worried about the baby risk?”

“Very much so.”

“But it’s our first time?” she pleaded.

“Don’t tell me you think that makes you exempt? That’s not how it really works.”

“What are we supposed to do?”

He grabbed a nearby linen and handed it to her. “Wipe it out with this, and I’ll have Rahim draw us a bath. We need to wash your hairs too.”

“Why?” she asked as she leaned forward to let Nandor’s seed spill out of her, wiping out more for good measure as he had instructed. 

“I spilled my seed in there too.”

“How?” she asked.

“I did pull out part of the way, and it shot out like a firework. I didn’t mean to. It was just, you clenched so hard on my penis that it just spilled out my whole army before I was ready to deploy them.”

“Do you think it will be okay? Is there something else we can do?”

“I think the wiping and the sitting up so it falls out will help. We can perhaps pray that no baby settles up in there just yet,” he said as he pressed his hands together and looked up at the ceiling. 

He got up to call for Rahim and instructed him that they needed a bath drawn quickly. He turned to look back at his new bride. Her face was morphing from a mild wibble to full blown tears. “I don’t want to be sick on our way home.”

He pulled her into a hug and hushed her. “It will be okay. You will be fine, I promise. We will be more careful the next time. It was probably all the delays and built-up tension. Now that we got it out of the way, the rest should be easier to control.” He patted her on the back as his words calmed Andrakis’s nerves. “Also, we can maybe use some methods to help prevent it more. You know those, right?”

She turned to face him. “Why would I know how to prevent a baby?”

“You’re a woman. Don’t you all just know that stuff?”

“No one ever taught me anything about that.”

“Shit. My other wives back home, I think they may know some tricks. Maybe in the village you can ask an old woman for advice.”

She nodded.

Rahim worked some kind of miracle because they didn’t have to wait very long for their bath.

Nandor used a small bowl to help Andrakis wet her hairs and she returned the favor. They helped each other bathe and cleanse their hairs, paying particular attention to get out any remnants of his earlier actions, before taking care of their other nighttime routine duties.

Once back in the bed, they cuddled together.

Do you think it will really be okay?” she asked.

“Yes, I know it will. I don’t think I got that much in you to be honest. It probably pooled out of you easily, right?”

“Seems so,” she said.

She nuzzled to his side and he raised his brows at her, feeling something stirring in his core again. He gave her a tentative little spank on her bottom which elicited a very positive response.

Andrakis grinned. “So when do I get to punish you?”

“I don’t know exactly. I don’t know if you would be able to execute my punishment properly. Your hands are so slender with your delicate fingers.” Nandor said, taking her hand into his and giving it a kiss. “I don’t know if they will be enough.”

“Enough for what?

“We’ll talk about it later. For now, more cuddling time.” He hugged her close to him.

“Well, aren’t you so sweet. The big warrior king likes to cuddle.”

“Don’t tell anyone I was sweet,” he said. “I don’t want my men to know I’m gentle with my women.”

“But why? Wouldn’t that inspire them to be gentle with the women they encounter?”

“I can’t risk looking weak in front of them,” he said. “I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”

Andrakis sat up. “You’re the leader of your country, yes you do make the rules.”

“Well, I don’t make those kinds of rules.” Nandor paused. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. You just need to worry about pleasing me and eventually, when we get home and maybe you get some bigger hips, you will take care of our children.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m in no hurry there, to be honest. If it never happens, I wouldn’t be sad.”

He pursed his lips together. “Oh, I’m afraid it’s inevitable. I _will_ make you a mother, but when you’re ready. Again, I don’t want your womb full of child on this journey home. _You_ will be miserable and then _I_ will be miserable.” He punctuated his point by pointing to her and them himself.

She rolled her eyes again, but didn’t worry too much. They sat and cuddled in silence for a long time, the sound of their breathing the only disquiet in the room.

Andrakis turned to Nandor. “So. . . .”

He leaned on his side. “Yes. . . .?”

“Do you think we could. . . .”

“Do I think we can. . . what?”

“Could we maybe try. . .more sexy things?” she blushed.

“Well, there is only one other act we could try . . . but I don’t think you're ready for it yet.” He eyed her form and imagined taking her from behind in that way. No, not on the first night. She would need more time to adjust and prepare for the idea. “Nope, that we will save for later. Would you like to try some simultaneous foreplay instead?”

She eyed him incredulously. “Like what?”

“We could use our hands on each other or our tongues. Whatever you want.”

And so they made themselves available for mutual stimulation, Andrakis taking Nandor’s cock into her hand; Nandor placing his fingers inside her.

She stroked him at a medium pace while he stroked her in kind. He decided to test the waters, twisting his hand so that his ring and pinky finger pointed downward. They dallied down her perineum, gently stroking her back entrance. She tensed up as his pinky grazed her puckered flesh.

He sat up and gazed into her eyes, “Do you not want me to play with your backside like that, my dear?”

She knitted her brow. “Is that something that people do?”

A predatory grin graced his lips. “Oh yes, it’s very stimulating,” he said as his pointer and middle finger retreated from their task to join the others in teasing her in this forbidden zone.

Andrakis’s breath hitched, and she let her fingers glide down his cock and sink further south to stroke him similarly. He let out a moan, spreading to give her better access.

A moan fell unbidden from her lips. “Is this what you like to do with. . .”

“Yes, but it goes much further than just gentle touches,” he panted.

As she felt him start to probe a bit further, Andrakis shot up and pulled away her own hands as she moved away from his. “Maybe we should just stick with the standard stuff for now.” Her voice wavered as she spoke.

He sat up and took her into his embrace. “Of course, we don’t need to rush right there. Would you mind doing something for me though. As part of my punishment?”

“It depends.” She eyed him skeptically.

He twinned his fingers with hers as he looked at Andrakis through hooded eyes. “I want you to spank me and tell me I’ve been bad,” he said.

“Is that all?” Her pupils had dilated so wide, her eyes were almost black.

His voice faltered a bit. “And I want you to tell _me_ what to do to _you_.”

Her face brightened. “Like I’m in command?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “ _You_ are the conqueror and _I’m_ your captive.”

“Oh, well, okay then” she paused for a moment to think of what she wanted to say. Obviously this was new territory for her. Her only encounter with nearly being someone’s captive was with the man seated before her. 

A smirk spread across her face as she crawled over to him, “Well aren’t you a handsome little stallion all by your lonesome,” she said, pressing a hand to his chest. “Where is your master, hmm,” she hummed into his ear. “Are you all by your lonesome?” She maneuvered herself behind him, going straight for his semi-hard cock.

“Um, you did away with my master, powerful warrior queen. I am under your command now.” He said in a meek voice, almost feminine.

“Good,” she said, giving his penis a few tentative strokes. “But you’ve been very naughty,” she whispered.

“How have I been naughty, my queen?” He turned and batted his lashes at her, a grin plastered on his face.

“You’re going around seducing me with your eyes and your body and your voice and your big penis. I can’t have that. Bend over.”

He giggled and obliged. She slapped him upon his buttocks as hard as she could. It was surprisingly hard, Nandor had to admit. Her smack actually stung. How did her small hands pack such a punch?

She continued to smack him and tell him he was a very bad stallion who needed to be tamed. Nandor’s penis was soon at full attention and weeping pre-cum from her actions. He couldn’t help but begin to rut on her leg.

“Who said you could do that on my leg?”

“No one, my queen. It’s just that I’m so horny for you. I’m begging for your mercy. I’ll do anything for you.” he whined as he continued to rub himself on her leg to assuage his feelings.

“Alright,” she smirked, moving him from her lap. She propped herself up on the pillows, looking as if she were perched on a throne, and spread her legs. “Make me come with your tongue.”

He grinned and dove right in, repeating his earlier moves with gusto and more force. She held his head between her hands, raking her finger through his hair telling him he was so good at this and what a privilege it was to be partaking of her delicate flesh and sweat nectar.

Nandor had never been this hard or hot for anyone before. Her words and her moans were sending him to places he didn’t know he could go. It didn’t take much more before she was undone by his actions once again. He let his tongue linger as she came, enjoying the sensations of her flesh throbbing beneath him. 

He pulled up and crawled over her, pressing her down on the pillows into a supine position while pressing his penis against her entrance. “I need to fuck you,” he said, taking her lips into his.

Andrakis looked into his eyes and nodded and motioned herself to turn on to her stomach again.

He put his hand on her shoulder and motioned her back down to face him. “Why don’t we try this to where I can actually look you in the eyes,” he said before crushing her lips in another kiss.

She nodded and spread for him. He pushed in, going in with ease this time.

Andrakis wrapped her legs around his hips on instinct, and he enjoyed pumping in and out of her while looking at the blissed out expressions on her face. Soon those faces contorted and her eyes rolled to the backs of her head, and he knew she had come again as she began to clench around his penis. This time he was able to successfully retreat, spilling all of his seed on her chest and stomach.

They spent a moment in the afterglow of their orgasms until his seed started to get a little cold. Nandor helped clean her up and then took care of himself.

For the second time that night Nandor requested a heated bath and for a second time they cleansed themselves together, helping each other with their bathing needs.

As they snuggled into bed, this time for certain they were going to use it only for resting purposes, Andrakis said, “I love you, Nandor. Good night, my husband.” She closed her eyes and immediately fell asleep.

Nandor kissed her on the forehead. He wasn’t sure he loved her yet, but he had a feeling she would win his heart very soon. Having consummated their marriage made him feel more at ease with her, but she was still so naïve about so many things. They had an ocean voyage to endure and a long overland trek as well. He’d never been tied to just one wife for so long with no other companions to float to when he was maybe annoyed and needed a break. Would this journey test the mettle of their nascent relationship? They had literally just met, after all. His stomach twisted in knots as he looked up to the ceiling. What had he gotten himself into?

It was going to be a long road back to Al Quolanudar.

A very long road.

Nandor took a moment to pray for a safe journey and for Andrakis’s womb to remain free from his soldier’s occupation. He really didn’t want to stop sleeping with her. Not when he knew how fun she could be in bed.

He turned to look back at Andrakis sleeping beside him. A small smile was etched on her face. Nandor planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before closing his eyes. She stirred briefly, telling him another sleep-addled “I love you.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated so much.


	8. The Present Day: Courtship Interuptus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrakis gets some more background info on Nandor while working a shift at The Satchel Serafina. Nandor and Andrakis prepare for and go on their date. Too bad other members of the household insist on butting in to their alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was giving me so many issues, so a an extra huge thanks to Noxxie_Moon for beta reading this for me when I was having major doubts. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this beast of an update.

Andrakis woke up at five on the dot without the aid of an alarm. She tossed about for a moment before sitting up and whining, “Why, weekend, why? You know I don’t have to be up so early!” 

She stretched and ripped the covers off with a flourish, revealing her fleece covered legs. The witch ran her hands down the soft material and thought back to the events of last night. They had entertained the idea of doing some things, but no, that didn’t happen. Right? She blinked a few times to help herself adjust to reality. When simple blinking didn’t work, Andrakis grabbed her glasses. She looked over to her familiars standing guard at the closet, “When did I change into my sleeping clothes?” 

Did? Did Nandor change her? She must have passed out on the couch after the movie started. Fridays tended to have that effect on her. Work hard all week shelving books, helping kids find books, talking about books. Plus going to meetings, finding new books for the stacks, and all the bureaucracy. It could be a lot. Not to mention her other witchy pursuits. How embarrassing to pass out cold in front of her husband who was clearly expecting a different ending to the evening. He must have left in the night after she fell asleep. But his stuff was still on the dresser. Maybe he just forgot it? She shrugged off those thoughts and decided to investigate whatever was making Stevie and Nyx stand guard.

“What do you want out of there? You two playing games again?” 

Stevie got up and rubbed up against Andrakis’s legs. It was then that she noticed her bra had been removed. “Did you two let Nandor undress me?”

Nyx stood up on her hind legs and scratched at the door.

“That doesn’t answer my question, ladies.” she crossed her arms over her chest. 

It was still dark outside. While Andrakis wasn’t quite ready to be up for the day, she was suddenly feeling wide awake. “Might as well get dressed, huh?” she said to the cats. “We can work on some projects until it’s time to get ready for tonight. I mean, I guess our date is still on for tonight. I’ll have to call Nandor and ask him.”

As she placed her hand on the knob, Stevie and Nyx both let out big, whiny meows and made eyes at the closet again.

“What are you two so obsessed with right now? Is the big bad wolf going to come at us from in there, ladies.”

They just glared at her.

Andrakis rolled her eyes. “It’s just a joke. Everyone knows the big bad wolf died like a hundred years ago.”

The two cats gave her one last pleading meow as she opened the door. Andrakis turned to address them as she headed into the closet, tripping over some boots she was certain weren’t there earlier, and fell on top of something very hard.

Nandor’s eyes flew open as she hit him with a thud. “Andrakis, is that you?” he asked.

“Who else do you think it would be?” she groaned, rolling over onto her back.

He didn’t answer her right away, letting her question hang in the air. The only sounds were her low, pain filled groans. “Are you okay?” 

Andrakis took her time answering. “I think I’ll be fine. My breasts not so much. Why is your chest so hard?” she grabbed her breast in her hand.

“I am sorry, do you want me to rub them for you?” The smile was evident in his tone.

She gave him an eye that even he could see in the dark, perhaps. She wasn’t sure how good a vampire’s vision was. 

“Don’t give me that look, Andrakis. I wasn’t trying to be a creep; I was trying to be helping. Honest.”

Andrakis clapped her hands, rubbing them together briefly before spreading them apart. She wiggled her fingers and the room filled with a dim light that slowly grew into a warm glow like a string of small, flickering fairy lights.

“Are you the one who changed me into this?” she motioned over herself.

Nandor sat up. “Yes, I was very careful to take off your breast corset without actually touching or looking at your breasts.”

She raised her brows. “That’s quite the fete.”

He smiled. “I was trying to show your sleeping form some respect. I am a very respectful person capable of very respectful looking.”

“I appreciate that. I mean, a man who can look at me with some respect.” Andrakis slinked over to him, crawling into his lap. She ran a hand down his face and over his chest. “So why did you not just fly home. It’s still dark out even now.”

He stuttered as his wife continued to stroke his chest. “I-I-I didn’t w-w-want you t-t-to think I had abandoned you just because you fell asleep before me.” Nandor paused and composed himself, “I mean, you used to do that sometimes, the falling asleep, not the abandoning part, when we were married.”

Andrakis was glad he didn’t bring up the actual time she did abandon him. She didn’t want this moment to be ruined by reality or the past. “There is probably enough time for me to get you home safely if you wanted to be in your coffin,” she smirked. “The floor can’t be comfortable.” She straddled his hips, nuzzling into his neck. “Unless. . .”

Nandor rested his hands on her hips, just above her lovely rump. “I’ve slept in worse places,” he said in a low voice. “Plus, I thought it would be fun to stay over. You know,” he raised a brow. “Then we can get ready for our date together.”

“You mean like an honest to go-” she stopped herself before uttering the word that would send waves of pain through his core, “married couple. Or did you-”

He cut her off before she could finish. “Yeah, like in the movie we watched. Laszlo and Nadja help each other get ready every day. I want to help you get ready too.” Nandor couldn’t help the giddy heights his tone took. He hadn’t helped a wife get ready for something in years. In fact, Andrakis had been the only one who ever had that privilege. And none of his other vampiric paramours had ever stayed with him long enough to play house so to speak. Seeing Laszlo and Nadja do that for centuries when he was so lonely sent barbs soaring through his undead heart. “But, you should probably do your own make-ups because I’m only good with the eyeliners. Do you have any eyeliners I can borrow? I left mine at home.”

She could sense that this conversation was taking a turn from carnal to common. Andrakis rolled her hips back and extracted herself from Nandor’s lap. “I can get you some if you tell me what brand and color you get.”

“Great. I like Black or Brown-Black from The Max Factor.”

“They don’t make that brand anymore.” God only knows how long he’d had a Max Factor liner. “I’ll find you something comparable though.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. I always liked Max’s stuff,” he paused, twiddling his thumbs. “Alright, well, I need to be sleeping now, so I can be ready for tonight. Can you wake me up at sundown?”

“Yeah sure.” she said, getting up and grabbing some clothes for the day. Andrakis eyed him, cold and pale on the floor with his hands over his chest. A small smile creeping on this face. She was certain he was in the mood to go a little farther just then, so what had happened for him to turn on a dime like that? 

“Alright, have a good day. Good morning, my love. Good morning, my love’s familiars,” he called to her cats.

Andrakis closed the closest and retrieved her phone. Those thoughts gnawing at her would have to wait. She looked at her schedule and double checked their reservation for dinner and her hair appointment. She opened the app and adjusted the appointment to include two people instead of just one. A nice little surprise for later that he would probably appreciate.

Her two familiars were sitting on opposite sides of the door, noses pressed into the cracks where the door hit the jamb. 

“Are you two trying to smell the vampire?” she asked, one brow raised at their behavior. Neither cat acknowledged the question.

Andrakis shrugged them off, a smile curling on her lips unbidden. She knew they had some nice liners at The Satchel and she had promised Lilith she would work a shift this weekend. It wasn’t going to interfere with her date or anything, so that worked out perfectly. She sent the witch a quick text.

_ Do you care if I come in this morning to work instead of Sunday? _

As she was brushing her teeth her phone buzzed with Lilith’s response.

_ That works perfect! Cindy had to call out. Her blood pressure is high. Probably going to have to go on leave soon. _

Andrakis texted back.

_ Oh no, we were supposed to go out last night. I hope her baby is okay. Her shower is next Sunday, right? _

_ Right. We can talk and plan when you get here. Saturdays aren’t too busy. See you then. _

Andrakis picked a simple dress adorned with various shades of purple flowers and paired it with a purple cardigan. She finished the look with her tortoiseshell cat eye glasses before putting on a simple lip and filling in her brows. 

Her cats looked at Andrakis as she was heading out the door to go do her witchy business.

“Be good and make sure nothing happens to Nandor, okay. He’s very important to me.”

Stevie rolled on the ground and purred while Nyx just continued to glare.

“I mean it, Nyx. That man is the love of my life. Keep out of the window and leave the doorknob alone.”

Nyx seemed resigned to her fate as vampire caregiver for the day.

“Your best behavior ladies. There will be rewards later,” She said as she closed the door to the apartment.

* * *

Lilith had been right about the lack of customers on Saturday, but the building was aflutter with life as every witch in the coven was passing to and fro on their own witchy business. Some were perfecting potions, others creating products, and some were just hanging out to gossip.

Andrakis was not technically a full member of this coven yet. She had a few more tasks to complete to fulfill her initiation rights. Andrakis had left behind her last coven when she moved to Staten Island years ago. She’d just been a lone ship adrift on the ocean with no centralized group of witches to call her sisters. It was both freeing and lonely.

She and Lilith were the eldest by far, followed closely by Quinn, Tessa, and Judith and a few of the other elders whose names she had not quite learned. The rest were younger, like her good friend Cindy, still within regular mortal looks and age. 

The witch was eyeing the liners she had purchased for Nandor, and thinking of all the times his eyes were adorned with colors such as these. He would use a more severe look for entering battle, despite keeping his head helmeted, so did he really need to try that hard? His look for more ceremonial times was softer. That’s the way she liked to remember her husband, in his softer moments. All that tough warrior bravado was just a show. He was really smart and sensitive and very kind deep down. One just had to peel through several layers of onion to get to that point with him.

Andrakis briefly wondered if she should tell her soon-to-be sisters about dating Nandor when she was pulled out of her reverie by a loud cackle.

“He is such a dreamboat though, I don’t care how young he is or how dour he dresses. That man can get it.” One younger witch said.

“She’s right. She’s absolutely right. Those khakis don’t do much to hide that sweet peach, you know what I’m saying.” This revelation was met by a cacophony of cackles.

“Quinn actually got to touch his face though. He was totally falling for her, right Quinn?” 

“Oh no, I don’t think he’d be into any of us. Not with that Master of his,” Quinn winked.

“Now there is an absolute dreamboat. He’s the definition of tall, dark, and handsome,” Tessa sighed.

“And when we had him and his friend, that one who fucked around with both me and Lilith trapped in our clutches, his bulge was very pleased to see us,” Judith added.

“He didn’t even mind us in our true forms. He said he liked MILFs  _ even better _ .” Quinn said, doing an impression of Nandor’s affect. This was met with an even more cacophonous cackle.

After the laughter died down, Quinn said, “But I’m pretty sure Memo is really into Nandor and vice versa.” This was met with a rousing agreement.

“Oh, he has it bad for the sweet little human.”

“I wonder if he helps Nandor collect the seed.”

“I would so help him with the collections if you know what I mean.”

Lilith walked in at this moment. “Sisters, please. Don’t talk about Memo and Nandor like that.” Lilith’s voice was as smooth as silk, like every thought in her head was sensual. “First of all, Memo is our dear friend and client. I don’t want all of your combined lusty energy here to scare him away,” she grinned and stepped right next Andrakis, placing a hand in a claw-like grip upon her shoulder “And second, Nandor is our newest recruit's lawfully wedded husband. I don’t think she wants to hear how you all want to bone him.”

Andrakis felt dozens of eyes gaze upon her at that very moment. She felt the heat rise through her core and spread in waves to her extremities. The witch was certain her whole body was as red as a fire engine right now. 

“I mean, she is used to sharing Nandor with others, but maybe keep the lust talk down in front of her anyway,” Lilith said. 

As they continued to stare at her, Andrakis just wished a hole would spring from the ground and swallow her up right then and there. She was careful not to manifest this too hard though. She was a witch and that could actually happen in the right contexts. Andrakis had learned that the hard way.

“How are you two still lawfully married though, like, he died to become a vampire?” One of the younger witches asked.

“Well, it’s complicated I guess. I mean, maybe not legally married, but we have started to date again.”

This was met with a bunch of “Awwwwws” followed by, “Well, you gotta watch out for Memo. He is very much totally in love with Nandor and probably doesn’t want to share him.”

Andrakis kind of shrunk in on herself. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

She wasn’t sure who “Memo” was beyond the products she kept in her house, but Nandor hadn’t said anything about dating another person while he was dating her. Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time she had shared her husband with others. But something about the whole conversation made her stomach twist in knots. 

Andrakis tried to push that all away and continued her shift, counting down the hours until nightfall when she would greet Nandor, and they would go on their date. 

Just the two of them. 

All alone.

* * *

Nandor had not had the most restful of sleep. While the floor was far from the most uncomfortable place he had slept, it lacked the closed off comfort of his coffin. The vast open space of her walk-in closet set Nandor on edge most of the morning to where the vampire was not certain he slumbered at all. He looked at his phone and saw that the hour should be within the range of sundown, but Andrakis was definitely not on the premises. He could sense neither her heartbeat nor her scent. After waiting what felt like an hour, but in reality was ten minutes, Nandor called to her familiars to ask, “Is it dark outside? Is it safe for a vampire to come out of the closet?”

He heard a meow and a scratching at the door. He tentatively opened it, ever so slowly, the hinges creaking as if they hadn’t been oiled in centuries. The only light that entered the room was the pale glow of the moon from the slightly askew curtain. The vampire opened the door wider and was greeted by Stevie standing guard while Nyx was bathing in the moonlit window sill.

Nandor ventured out into the living room, deciding to tour the place and give it a more proper look than he had done before. He had been so hung up on arriving early that he hadn’t taken time to notice the details of his wife’s home. 

One wall had an inlaid bookshelf with quite the collection of older volumes bound in leather. These ancient tomes were mixed in with newer books, both hardbound and paperback. He couldn’t tell if any of these books were of the witchy variety. The leather-bound ones seemed to be a mix of historical works and literary classics. The most macabre item on the shelf was a bookend that looked like a crow separated from its murder. It was a neat and orderly affair leading Nandor to believe she must be good at her job with shelves so pristine. 

Maybe she could help him with his own volumes, he thought briefly but then shook it away. That would require her to be on the premises, and he wasn’t sure how he could manage that without Nadja snooping about. He shook that thought away too and moved onto a painting that hung on the wall next to the shelves. It was a portrait of the two of them. He remembered having it commissioned after they had returned home, and they were wed properly under the eyes of a deity he no longer worshiped or could even invoke the name of. The painting depicted them in their wedding attire, both of them with big, broad smiles adorning their faces. It had truly been such a lovely day after all the drama from his mother had settled. Oh to be young again and to bring home a feisty bride to spice things up. He smiled at both the painting and the memory before walking off to check out more of the place.

Andrakis’s two familiars trailed him as he took in the small kitchenette that looked out into the living space. He couldn’t imagine being kept in such close quarters. This humble abode was basically just two rooms. Did people really live like this every day? 

He made his way back to her bedroom and decided to go investigate her bathroom situation. Normally such a room would spark little interest except maybe as a fun place to take a partner for the veritable roll in the hay. He’d done such things up against a few counters and within stalls back in his boogieing days with Benjy. Nandor was curious about one thing and one thing only: the whereabouts of her little jars of vampire seed. Where would a witch keep such an item in her household? It had been gnawing at the back of his mind for months. Every time Guillermo would come to collect, the nearly healed wound would split open, the thoughts like fresh blood spilling forth and sullying a perfectly good cape. He just had to know which ones she was buying and using on her person.

He opened up the bottom cabinet only to be met by various cleaning supplies. Nandor was surprised that her feline familiars could use such products. They must be pretty amazing. Maybe they could come clean his room too. He searched each drawer one by one until he hit the jackpot. An entire draw filled to the brim with  _ Memo’s Man Milk _ . He had to give it to Guillermo for the clever alliteration even if he didn’t understand how one went from Guillermo to Memo as a nickname. 

He turned the jars over in his hands and saw his familiar’s neat script staring back at him on each and every one. N and R. Good. Nandor wasn’t sure what he would have done if his wife had been playing with Laszlo’s seed all this time. 

Satisfied with his discovery, Nandor closed the drawer and decided that waiting for her on the couch was probably the best use of his time. Especially if he posed for her in a seductive way to really drive home where he wanted them to end up. He briefly thought about removing some of his attire, but thought better of it when he turned to see her two familiars glaring at him.

“What? I am doing nothing wrong. I was just looking for the toothpastes. For the brushing of your teeths. This isn’t it?” He just laughed. It’s not like cats would know what he was up to. Silly creatures. Although they were extremely precious, and he did want to cuddle with them so badly, he stopped himself. One must not touch another person’s familiar with affection unless they want to pull away a stump where their hand used to be.

Nandor settled in on the couch just at the same time as the door opened to reveal his wife.

“Oh, you’re already awake? I told you I could get you up,” she said.

“That’s okay, I’ve not been up long. I guess the sun set early today.”

“Perhaps,” she said, setting her keys and bag down on the counter. 

Nyx plopped on the ground and let out a little huff, rolling toward Nandor. 

“Oh, really now?” Andrakis said.

Nandor knit his brows. “What is she saying?”

“Nyxie here is telling me that you’ve been a naughty boy, Nandor.” Andrakis said with a falsetto. 

He was taken aback. “What? I have not been bad? I was just looking around and admiring your lovely home.

“Well, Nyxie told me you were snooping in the cabinets.”

His mouth fell open as he looked at the cat. He turned to Stevie. “Stevie knows I was being a good boy,” he said.

Stevie looked up and just gave him the feline equivalent of the look. 

“Et tu, Stevie?” Nandor said.

Andrakis eyed him. “So, what were you looking for?”

He knew there was no point in further subterfuge, the cat was quite literally out of the bag. “I was trying to find the  _ Memo’s Man Milk _ jars you have. I wanted to be sure it was my semen you had and not Laszlo’s.”

Andrakis raised a brow, her mouth held in a curious gesture before laughing. “Really? That’s what you were worried about?”

“Yes, I don’t want you putting another man’s semen in your mouth or on your face.”

“We don’t ingest it, Nandor. It’s topical only, and we do imbue it with magic before using it, so it’s not like it’s pure seed on our faces and bodies.”

Tension he wasn’t aware of instantly melted. “Oh, well, that’s interesting to know I guess.”

“Anyway, I bought you a couple of different kohl liners. I did a black-brown and a kind of red one. I remember you liked wearing a reddish one back in the day.”

She handed him the packages. He didn’t recognize the branding, but he opened them both and tested them out on the back of his hand. “So smooth with the gliding. You did a good job with this new brand.”

“I do know a thing or two about make-up,” she said, waving her hand over her face which transformed from natural to glam and then back again as she completed the movement.

“Indeed,” he said, unsure why that movement made a tiny knot develop in his stomach. It wasn’t like she did that on the streets. “So, when do we start getting ready for the evening? You know, the normal way.”

She furrowed her brow at his last comment. “I worked a shift at the Satchel, so I need a shower to get this incense smell off of me,” she said. “I love Lilith, don’t get me wrong, but her incense choices don’t vibe with me all the time.”

Nandor took in a whiff. “I think it smells kind of nice.”

“Well, I'm going to hop in the shower. Do you need to take one too? How does that work for you?”

He pondered for a moment. “I usually do my bathing routine in the actual tub. I mean, I think my tub at home has a shower attachment, but I’ve never really used it.”

“Well, you can use it after me,” she said, hopping over to her room. 

He heard her start up the shower, and he looked at the cats with a grin. “Well, I guess there is a first time for anything.”

Nandor strolled into her room and took off his clothes, bit by bit, folding them neatly and placing them on the bed. He reached into his bag that Colin had brought and thankfully his roommate had enough foresight to pack Nandor clean underwear and socks along with all the other embarrassing items he had brought him the night before. He set his underthings on the dresser next to his more regal garments before packing away his used clothes. Then he strolled into the bathroom, opened the curtain, and joined a wide-eyed Andrakis in the shower.

“Oh, hello,” she smiled. 

“Hi,” he grinned, stepping into the space and closing the curtain.

“So you thought you’d just-”

He pulled her for a kiss before she could finish talking, and she gave back, wrapping her arms around him.

“You’re wearing a little cap in the showers, what is that for?” he asked her as he broke away from the kiss.

“I don’t want to get my hair wet, I made an appointment to get it done tonight.”

“Well, I was wanting to wash your hairs for you. And you could then wash mine. Like we used to do,” he frowned.

She cupped his face in her hands. “I actually made you an appointment too. They let you book as a couple. Thought it might be nice to have someone else do our hair, you know. And it's a place that only serves supernatural clients.”

“Oh really. That’s cool. I wonder if Laszlo and Nadja know about this concept.”

“Do they often go out to get work done together?”

“I mean, they do go and feed together. I don't know what else they do on their courting nights.”

“Well, then it is possible they know about it. Who knows, maybe we’ll run into them there,” she winked.

He couldn’t help but frown at that, his stomach taking a dip at the thought of Nadja casually running into Andrakis like that. He schooled his face into an even expression before asking, “Do you have one of those caps I can borrow?” 

Andrakis eyed his expression and answered a cool, “Sure.” She waved her pointer finger around in a circle and one floated to his hand. 

Nandor grabbed the item, and Andrakis helped him tuck away his hairs.

They managed to cleanse each other in the shower with minimal sexual shenanigans happening, mostly at Andrakis’s insistence that they needed to  _ actually  _ shower. Nandor would have gladly taken her right then and there if she would let him. It would not have been the first time he fucked someone in a bath-chamber. In fact, they had done it in numerous bath-chambers during their married life both on their way home to Al Quolanduar and in the country proper. But it had been a while, and he didn’t want to make her feel ill at ease with him.

They dried off and began their routine of helping one another into their nighttime attire. Nandor needed far more help getting all his finery sorted than she did. Andrakis didn’t wear the same level of layers as Nadja with complex corsets and under clothings. Andrakis only had two undergarments, and she seemed to put those on with ease, only asking Nandor to help her pull the long underwear up to her breast corset. 

“How come you only corset your breasts but not your waist?” Nandor asked.

She looked at him puzzled. “Technically this underwear is a modern corset. It just doesn’t have boning or lacing,” Andrakis said, pointing to the nude garment covering her from just under her breasts all the way to her knee. “And this,” she said, pointing to the clothing covering her breasts. “This is called a bra, Nandor.”

“A bra? What kind of name is bra? I’ve never heard of such a term. Is this a new garment?”

“It’s been around since the 1920s, so I guess fairly new in the grand scheme of things.”

“If you are a witch, do you even need such support clothing? Couldn’t you use your witch powers to shape yourself up into the ideal form of your liking?” he asked.

“Well, I probably could, but I already spend a lot of effort looking young. I don’t want to expend more energy on lifting my bosoms up or slimming my waist more. Plus, these fashion items connect me to other humans. It makes me able to relate to them better, struggling with the same BS they have to,” she shrugged.

He still wasn’t sure why she would want to do that, but then he wasn’t sure why Nadja put all that effort into her own corseted looks, so he just chalked it up to the fact that he didn’t quite understand women as well as he’d like to. “It’s really nice that they have so many clothings you can just dress yourself in. Who even needs servants or a partner when you can actually dress yourself,” he said, feeling a little sad as he said it out loud.

“I don’t mind helping you dress though if you like wearing these more complicated clothes all the time,” she said. “You can actually help me with my dress. The zipper is hard for me to get by myself.”

She walked to her closet and pulled out a lovely red gown, vibrant satin at its core with a tulle layer as a gossamer above it. Andrakis stepped into the dress and walked over to Nandor. “If you’ll please,” she said, turning to look at the zipper.

Said zipper started past her posterior, and he gently grabbed hold of it, grazing his fingers lazily on her backside before pulling the mechanism up. He noticed a little latch, not too unlike the ones on her breast corset, so he fastened them as well, his fingers idling on her neck.

His touch sent shivers down her spine and she turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around him. 

“Maybe you don’t want to go out, we just stay in and work all these clothes off of us again,” he grinned.

“You wish, but no, we must finish, so we can make it to our appointment.” 

Andrakis took a seat at her vanity and began putting on all of her facial items to make herself look all made up. Her look was much more natural than what Laszlo performed on Nadja, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. He was more accustomed to her in natural states anyhow. 

He took her seat when she was done and broke out his new black-brown liner. He was already wearing a lot of red, so he felt this would stand out a bit more. He carefully lined his lower lashes in feather-light touches until he achieved the smoulder he liked best. Subtle enough to be noticed but not so bold that people would gawk and decry a man wearing eyeliner. Not that he cared what other people thought.

They stood together, arm in arm and Andrakis pulled out her phone to take a photo of them. He asked her to take one on his phone too since she would be better suited to the task. Just as they were about to take it, Nandor’s phone let out its shrill chime. He looked at the Caller Identification and saw that it was Guillermo. He picked up the call. “Hello?” he whispered.

_ “Master, are you okay? I hadn’t heard back. You never responded to my text.” _

“I am fine, Guillermo. I told you I was out with someone and that two familiars were standing guard.”

_ “But that doesn’t really tell me much. You do remember that there are assassins out to get you, Laszlo, Nadja, Collin, and me. You have to be more careful.” _

“I am fine, I promise, Guillermo. No need to worry yourself with what I am being up to tonight. I might not even come home, who knows?” he said.

_ “Can you please just let me know where you are, so I can come and stand guard at least. I made sure the others were staying in tonight and are already being fed some blood I had delivered. But-” _

“Oh, did you get that new Vaiter app people have been talking about?”

_ “Wait, how do you know-” _

“No reasons.” he said. “Don’t worry about it, Guillermo. You’re too much of a worrier. I am fine. I’m just out on the town is all. I’m well protected. No harm will come of me,” he said, hanging up the phone.

He turned to see his wife’s face painted in a scowl. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Was that your familiar?”

“Yes, well, he’s not technically my familiar anymore, but he still helps me, why do you ask?”

“You didn’t tell him you were on a date?” she phrased it as a question, but her tone was very matter-of-fact.

Nandor crossed his arms over his chest after pocketing his phone. “It’s really none of his business what I am doing outside of the house.”

“But what did we say about being honest?”

“I didn’t lie to him. I just didn’t tell him!”

She seemed to be in a serious thought and then just grabbed a shawl to wrap around herself. “Let’s just go before we’re late for our reservations.”

The place to get their hairs done was still within the bounds of Staten Island, so they walked there. Andrakis seemed to regret that choice two blocks into their trek, having worn some kitten heels that seemed to be clawing at her feet with the way she winced with each step. 

With a wave of her hand, yellow light encircled her shoes, the glittery embers hanging over her shows like a cloud. As she did this bit of witchcraft, Nandor took in the sight of all the people around. What did she think she was doing putting all her witchy business on display for the whole street to see? He tried to stand in front of her so as to block the spectacle from a wider audience.. 

“Careful, the humans, they will see you.”

“You didn’t seem to care last night when I fixed your shoes or when I used my magic in the nail salon.”

“Well, that was different. This is out on the streets where anyone can be seeing you.”

“Okay then, I’ll be more careful,” she rolled her eyes. After the light had faded, Andrakis hopped three times, a pleased expression adorning her face.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the salon. Andrakis trailed slightly ahead of Nandor despite him having the longer stride. When they arrived he noticed that the building itself was very nondescript. The facade was brick with the only element hinting at something supernatural beyond the threshold was a vibrant magenta door. Nandor looked up at the sign for the building:  _ Cut Me, Blow Me, and Dye _ .

“Um, is this an BDSM club?” he looked at her with his brows raised.

“No, it's just a hair salon.”

Andrakis needlessly reminded him that it was a supernatural establishment as they walked into the place. There were all sorts of ladies and gentlemen and others getting their hairs styled. It was obvious they were among their two kinds. Plus others by the looks and smells. The little host man greeted them and had them wait while their attendants readied for their appointment. He offered them a drink, and Andrakis took the liberty of ordering for them both: one glass of champagne and one glass of Type O Negative Blood.

They were greeted by their stylists and taken back to a room for the shampooing. It had been so long since Nandor had been inside a place such as this. And it had been even longer since Nandor had his hair blown dry. Maybe he needed to get Guillermo trained in these hair arts so that he could look amazingly stylish every day, complete with one of these sink bowls. Then he could just relax and sit more comfortably.

Then he remembered that Guillermo only did those things as a favor to him now. At least until Nandor could perhaps get a new familiar to take over. Or maybe he just liked doing those things, Nandor couldn't be certain. That man was hard to read sometimes. Either way, Guillermo was not required to be blowing Nandor. 

Nandor had gone with a more standard look while Andrakis went for something more classic looking with more defined waves in her hairs. It reminded him of when he first laid eyes on her at their wedding. Their first, less lawful wedding. Well, less lawful to him. Andrakis always contradicted him on that fact.

“So now that our hairs are looking good, what’s next?”

“I made a reservation at this lounge where we can both dine together.”

“Yes, I remember you maybe mentioning this concept before. So where is this place that we can both be getting a meal?”

“It’s in Brooklyn.”

“Eeuch.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Well, all the best supernatural stuff is in that burrow.”

“This isn’t some witch establishment is it?”

She frowned. “I mean, most places in the borrow are run by different witch covens, witches own the lioness’s share of Brooklyn, after all. So, you don’t have to worry about any vampire assassins trying to get you while you’re there. Most vampires who come to Brooklyn look down upon the Vampiric Council as a bunch of stodgy old timers who don’t understand anything about the modern world, so no worries there either. Also, no one is going to be stealing your semen, if that’s your worry. That’s usually only done in secret ceremonies, in a private back room, or at the strip club.”

“Strip club?”

“Exotic dancing. The place where people take their tops off for money,” she paused. “And most of their bottoms.”

“I have never been to such an establishment. Is this a place you would want to be going to together?”

“Um, maybe not on a first date.”

“Pfft, we are married. Technically our first date was in that stable back in your homeland.”

“Well, technically you died so, we’re not actually married,” the words just fell out of her mouth unbidden.

He frowned, twiddling his thumbs together as he let that sink in. “Well, I think we still are married. I’m standing before you, am I not?”

“True, and it’s not like we knew you really died. I mean, we had heard you did, but then you showed back up all pale and smelling of dirt.” She looked down. “But there is the fact that we all left you,” she said quietly.

“I never signed any papers dissolving our marriage,” he said, taking her hand into his.

“Okay, we could go down this rabbit hole all night long. I just don’t think our reunion date should be spent at the strip club.”

“You are probably right. We can go there later.”

“Or we could not and call it day.”

He hissed at the word day and she rolled her eyes. Things were going so well so far.

He looked around and said, “We need to take a cab or the ferry off the island. I can’t fly to Brooklyn on my own.”

She looked up at him. “Oh, I could take us on my broom.”

“You have a broom?” he eyed her.

She raised her brows, “Yes, I am a witch.”

“Okay, why not,” he said, looking around to see if any humans were looking at them.

They headed into the alley, and Andrakis did a wave of her hand and out of the ether popped her broomstick. She mounted it and tapped her haunch. “Get behind me, big boy.”

Nandor grinned and obeyed, that fluttery feeling returning, pushing down the doubts he was feeling in this moment. 

She turned to say, “I need you to hold on, okay. I don’t want you falling into the depths of the river,” she laughed. “And then have to dive in to rescue you, costing my dress in the process,” she teased.

He wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her a bit into him. He was lucky his numerous layers were masking how happy he was to be with her right now.

She turned her head and cocked a brow, a small smirk spreading on her face.

“Well, well, well.” She chuckled.

Nandor’s pupils widened at her laugh. “Wait, you can tell he’s happy to see you?”

“It’s not that hard to sense it,” she said with a shrug.

If Nandor could blush, he would. “Oh hush, you know how you affect me,” he said, holding her tighter, but making sure to just keep his hands on her hips. He didn’t want to be presumptive by grabbing her further up. Even if she were his wife, or whatever they were now that she had never died, and he was dead for like a day, he didn’t want to go for grabby hands on her soft flesh while they were over the treacherous waters above Staten Island. He would save that for later.

While he knew she was a witch, he didn’t know how powerful she actually was. So far she had just done little parlor tricks. Nothing powerful or extraordinary. Lilith was the leader of a coven and had pinned Nadja to the ceiling without as much as a hand wave and Nadja was one of the most powerful vampires he knew. What would cause Andrakis to show the full force of her powers? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

The brisk night breeze was pleasant on Nandor’s skin, cooling any vestigial embarrassment threatening to kick-start his heart and warm his face with long dead blood. As they flew to Brooklyn, both her hair and Nandor’s whipping in the wind, he felt more alive than he had in centuries. 

They landed in a dark, narrow alley that felt like it was straight out of the last century with cobblestone paths and gas lit lamps. Andrakis made her broom vanish into the ether again with a quick wave of her hand. She smoothed her hair down and then motioned for Nandor to follow.

The couple came to a nondescript door with a long rectangular peephole. She did an intricate knock and waited. Just when he was certain this had all been some ruse to lure him to Brooklyn so they could go hang out at the witch store, the slot opened revealing a pair of yellow eyes. With a wave of her wrist a blue glow emitted from her hand, enrobing it like a glove made from fishnet stockings. Nandor had noticed earlier that most of her other witchy trickery involved a yellow glow. He wondered if she had the ability to control that or if it was based on the spells she was using.

The door groaned as it opened ever so slowly. Nandor showed the man his fangs and pointed to them and was met with an “I invite you in.”

Nandor took in his surroundings as they waited to be seated. The room was dimly lit with dark wood-paneled walls. It reminded him of the taverns of the old country, particularly the old country that Laszlo had claimed home to.

The two were seated in a corner booth with a good view of the room. The spacious seating made Nandor feel regal, like he was back in his homeland ruling over his people. Andrakis bade Nandor show the waiter his fangs and they were handed their menus. Nandor’s considerably smaller than hers.

“What is this place?” he asked, eyeing the decor on the walls. It seemed that they really liked human movies that depicted the various supernatural creatures inhabiting the world.

“It’s a little speakeasy. Like from Prohibition, except it keeps humans out. Everyone here is some kind of supernatural being or magic user.”

“I’ve never heard of this kind of thing. Is this new?”

“Well, not entirely. It’s a concept that’s cropping up in more and more areas where our kind congregate. This is neutral ground, so no beefing with the Werewolves.”

“Of course not, I am here to be spending time with you,” he said. "This place is nice.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been open for too long. It has a variety of libations both the more human variety and the vampire kind.

“And it looks like they have some snacks too.” He said, pointing at the couple next to them, werewolves by the smell, enjoying a plate of various meats on a board.

“Ooh, that does look good.” She said, searching the menu for it. “Ooh, it’s customizable.”

Their waiter, a delightful blonde haired man came to take their order. He didn’t look to be a supernatural creature or a magic user though. 

Nandor ordered a Type O Negative, having enjoyed the one from earlier quite a bit. The menu said this particular batch of blood had been harvested from a man who had been drinking bourbon straight up, so it was listed under the _Drunk Blood_ section.

Andrakis ordered a Rosé and one of those little boards with some meat, cheese, and other things humans could consume.

As the waiter left to fulfill their order, Nandor remarked, “I think I’ve seen that man before, and he’s no vampire or other magical creature or user of magic. Do they let familiars work here, perhaps?”

“I mean, you can’t really look at someone sometimes and just know they’re a magic user, so he could be a warlock in training. Or maybe he is a human and has a partner who’s on the supernatural side of things that hooked him up with a job here. That tends to happen a lot actually, lots of mixed relationships. Werewolves and humans, Witches and humans, vampires and humans, etc. You get the idea.

“A vampire date their familiar? That’s something.” Nandor laughed.

Andrakis eyed him briefly, “I never said familiar . . .” She let her comment hang in the air, smiling weakly as they both sat in silence and took in the room around. 

“So,” he began. “How long have you known Lilith and been into the whole witch thing?”

“I didn’t meet Lilith until I was on the European mainland actually. After I stayed with my mother’s family in Al Quolanudar for a while, we moved back to my father’s home. He married me off to some European noble who was willing to take in the kids too.”

“Oh, that’s really lucky. It was kind of hard for my other wives to find new husbands who weren’t already my family members. I think most of them ended up with my cousins. What about our other baby you mentioned? The little girl?”

“Well, the marriage to my new husband was very much in name only. I think I was mainly there to keep suspicions about his proclivities at bay. Anyway, you don't remember telling me that I was pregnant before I left you? Because I remember it very clearly.”

“No, I don’t recall that at all. How would  _ I _ have known if  _ you _ didn’t?”

“Well, you told me you could sense it. I didn’t really believe you. But then a few months later, I felt the movement and I just knew that the baby was not my new husband’s. We had only managed to get halfway through the act of consummation before he wanted to stop. Plus, when she was born, she was very much your child, but more so my complexion. No one suspected anything, or at least no one in the royal court said anything about it. That’s when I met Lilith. She was a midwife and helped me when I delivered the baby. She could sense that I was lonely and showed me a different path.”

“So she wasn’t there to steal your husband?” 

“Steal my husband? Steal my obviously gay husband?” she quirked a brow.

“Lilith had stolen a night with my friend Laszlo who is married to my friend Nadja. It was a very awkward reveal because then Nadja found out I had been with Laszlo too,” he gave a weak grin. “It caused some problems in the house.”

“So you like to play around with your roommates now but your servants are off limits?” she said, eyeing him. “And so you chose to sleep with your roommate's husband?”

“Well, to be fair, it’s always when she’s mad at him. And it’s not really anything special. He keeps a cold distance whenever we go for it. We only did hand stuff last time.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by this. You always were one to seek out affection from whoever would give it to you.”

He wasn’t sure where Andrakis’s sudden mood shift was coming from. “Well, what can I say. I had a lot of love to give and an empire to maintain. It was a lot of pressure and sometimes a man just wants to fornicate without it resulting in a new baby for his wife to care for. It’s not like there were reliable ways to prevent that thing from happening back then. I think the lemons only worked some of the times. You all were having babies all the time it felt like.”

“And you seemed to be very proud of that. I remember you warning me when we got together that it might happen quickly for us, so we had to be careful. It’s why you insisted on doing other things.”

“Well, yes, for one a baby in your womb would have slowed us down. And then I wouldn’t have been able to have my way with you in all the different ways we did it from your homeland to mine.”

She let out a little spurt of laughter.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nandor, do you know how long a pregnancy lasts?”

“From quickening to birth is like five or so months, right?”

“True, but a baby is created months before quickening happens. We were all pregnant before we could feel the babies move within our wombs.”

His brow furrowed. “Really? So what are you saying.”

“Our son was born nine months to the day we consummated our marriage.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I had our baby in my womb on our journey home. We had to have gotten pregnant our first time.”

“But I pulled out of you the first time. We were so careful the other times,” he whined. “Plus all the butt stuff. 

“Not quick enough if I remember correctly. You must have powerful sperm because there were a few other times you pulled out and it also resulted in pregnancy. 

He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, you are obviously wrong.”

“Excuse me, what? I think I know how a woman’s body works. You are being very obtuse.”

“But you were not having a big abdomen or anything when we crossed the ocean.”

“It takes a long time for that part to happen,” she sighed. “I was tired and emotional and had trouble keeping food down. Those are all classic signs of early pregnancy.”

“So was I and I didn’t end up having a baby.”

Andrakis rested her palm upon her face. “Because you aren’t capable of giving birth to a baby.”

“Well, I’m just saying it was a high stress time what with all of your complainings.”

“I was complaining because I was very emotional because you knocked me up with all your wrong information about how procreation works.”

“Well, shouldn’t you have known how it works? You just said yourself that women know these things.”

“We’ve only been allowed to know that kind of stuff for about 50 years. Five zero!”

“Well, I’m sorry that I knocked you up too soon, and that I didn’t know you were having a baby so early. I would have been nicer to you had I known.”

“Well, it was like 700 plus years ago, so I guess all is forgiven.”

“Good,” he grinned, the lines around his eyes crinkling. 

She eyed him. “Why are you grinning?”

“Because I like you,” he said.

“Well, I like you too,” she grinned back, showing all her teeth.

He ran his hand down her cheek. “I’m glad your sister made herself unavailable for marriage, otherwise, well, you wouldn’t be my wife.”

Andrakis’s cheeks flushed as his cool hand glided down her skin. “I guess that’s-”

“I would have had to pay for you to bring you back as my concubine,” he said, his voice dripping with lust.

Suddenly her skin was no longer flushed and the heady feeling from his previous compliment had sobered up quickly. “And there it is.”

He looked at her dumbfounded. “Where is what?”

“You are always making some kind of weird comment after you start to say something sweet or romantic.”

Nandor turned his nose up. “I am a very romantic person, so I don’t see how my concubine comment is not a romantic thing to be telling to someone.”

“Maybe it has to do with the fact that you were going to  _ buy _ me,” Andrakis said with narrowed eyes.

“And that’s a problem how?” he eyed her genuinely.

She just stared at him, not sure what to say to that.

“What? I probably would have promoted you to a full-on wife eventually. I really was quite fond of you from the beginning, you know. And not just because you let me feel you up when we first met. You were feisty and fun and it was hard to be away from you those nights when I was trying to keep to the rules about wives sleeping separately from husbands.”

“I don’t remember you being that alone on those nights.” she said quietly and then shook it off, giving Nandor a smile.

Before Nandor could ask what she meant, the man returned with their drinks and food, eyeing Nandor a little too long for his liking.

They supped on their food and drink, making small talk about the taste and atmosphere.

Nandor began to get a bit heady as he consumed his drunk blood. His cheeks felt otherworldly warm as Andrakis smiled at him, nibbling a hunk of goat’s cheese while giving him an amorous stare.

He laced his hands with hers, staring into the warm pools of her eyes.

Just then Nandor’s phone rang. He pulled his hand away from hers to reach into his pocket for the screeching device. Then he proceeded to answer it at the table putting up one finger to indicate he’d be just a moment. He noticed Andrakis frown out of the corner of his vantage point.

Before he could even utter hello to the caller a shrill sing-song emitted from the receiver.  _ “Hello, Nandor, how is it going on your date? Get lucky last night, huh? Was that enough anal lube for you, I know you like to go hard at it with your partners, so I wasn’t sure if I should get the jumbo bottle or if the XL was enough. Do you need a pegging rig or anything or does Andi have that sort of thing?” _

Nandor sighed and felt the energy leave him. “Colin Robinson, why are you talking to me on my courting date? You do know that is pretty rude, right?”

_ “Well, I just wanted to see if you needed more things, so you’re having safe sex. I mean, you don’t know where Andi’s been all this time. One day your penis is fine and then the next your partner has given you the gift that keeps on giving.” _

“I’m pretty sure she is fine in that department. Now, I am hanging up.” He clicked his phone and said a sorry before the shrill ring echoed out again. 

“What the fuck do you want now, Colin Robinson, I told you not to call me again while I’m courting.”

_ “Oh, so he is on a date, my good lady wife. I owe you that thing I usually pay Nandor to do. I don’t think I can pay him to go down if he’s dating someone though.” _ Laszlo said to Nadja, totally ignoring Nandor.  _ “What, you totally did know I paid him. You’re the one who suggested it.” _

“What the fuck do you want, Laszlo. Why are you calling me on my cellular telephone machine that also lets you correspond through the ether?”

_ “We heard Colin Robinson talking to you and we wanted to confirm for ourselves that you were in fact on a date. It’s been a long time, old chap. Who’s the lucky fellow? Can't be Gizmo. He’s sitting in the fancy room probably pissing his pants overhearing this conversation.” _

“I am not going to talk about my date in front of my date, that would be pretty rude,” Nandor said.

_ “Oh, so he’s right in front of you. Why would you pick up the phone in front him, you knob lord.” _

Nandor sighed and was interrupted before he could talk again.

_ “And what’s with the man’s area down there? Is he like the Baron, no genitals? I heard Colin asking if you needed a rig. We’ve got plenty you can borrow. Might even be clean. And let me tell you, having been with the Baron numerous times, you are in for a treat. No genitals, you may be thinking, how is this going to work? Well, it just does, old chap.” _

“I’m hanging up now. Don’t call back.” He set his phone down. “Now, where were we?”

She took a long sip of her rosé before speaking. “Look, this is all just very weird. Your friends keep calling you and I’m guessing asking you creepy sex questions from what I can hear on my end.”

“They just know it’s been a while for me, is all. They want to make sure I’m having a good time,” he grinned

“And having a good time involves some kind of  _ rig _ ?” she asked.

“Well, it could if you wanted to relive some of our most fun adventures in a way we could never dream of back in Al Quolanudar,” he winked.

“I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that level yet. We just re-met. We’ve not even done the other stuff,” she stated.

“Maybe you should let me take you home so I can be showing you all the stuff I’ve learned since we parted ways,” he winked.

“Well, I was thinking maybe we ought to get out of here soon. I’m feeling a bit tired to be honest.” Andrakis said with a yawn and a big stretch.

Nandor furrowed his brow. “But the night is so young, don’t tell me you’re going to be falling asleep at my side again.”

“I don’t know, I just might,” she grinned.

Nandor paid their tab and the pair left the establishment, walking down the street together. 

Andrakis did the hand-wavy stuff and Nandor could feel something strange pooling in his stomach as he saw the yellow swirls and the broom materialize with a pop.

She hopped on the broom, and motioned for Nandor to climb on. Once he was securely behind her, arms wrapped around his wife's torso, they flew back to her place. 

Back in the safety and security of her apartment, Nandor swept Andrakis off her feet and carried her into her bedroom. He gently set her on the bed and slowly crawled on top of her, locking her hips into place with his knees.

He could feel her heartbeat tense up as he moved to her neck, nuzzling his face as he planted tiny bites and kisses on her pulse point. Nandor moved his hips slowly, grinding into her lap, his fully erect penis hiding behind the fabric of his trousers.

“Oh, Nandor, aren’t you so happy to see me,” she giggled, reaching up to place her hands upon his shoulders.

He grinned, “He’s very happy, yes,” he punctuated his remark with a hard thrust of his hips.

“And here I thought you just wanted to talk about your feelings,” she said, trying to maneuver her hips to better guide his penis to her sensitive parts.

“Maybe I just want to fuck out all my feelings with you,” he said in a low voice, capturing her lips with his.

She grinned and they began to undress one another. She helped him slip out of his cape, draping it over a chair. Next he undid his vest, shrugging it off before joining her back on the bed to help her slink out of her dress.

She had his shirt halfway open when his phone cried it’s shrill call. He sighed and picked it up. “What the fuck do you want now, Laszlo.”

“That is no way to address your good friend, you big stupid turkey. Laszlo tells me you are going to make strong, passionate love tonight, yes?”

“Um…” he could feel himself sweating now, something he didn’t normally do. He got up from the bed and went to talk in the bathroom. “I. . .”

“Laszlo seems to think that this friend of yours is man. Are they? Or have you entranced some lovely lady vampire with your strong, sexual energy? And why is this first I’m hearing about it and why haven’t you brought them to me for approval?

He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Well, you see . . .Nadja. . .”

“I don’t know why you are stalling! Give them the bloody phone? Are they pretty? Your taste is usually good.”

“Oh no, my phone battery is dead, bye Nadja, see you later,” he turned the phone off and threw it across the room.

Nandor climbed back into bed to kiss and caress his wife but as soon as he placed a hand upon her cheek, she slipped away. He watched her walk into the bathroom and she reemerged dressed in her night clothes.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“I’m going to bed.”

He floated over to her, positioning himself behind Andrakis. “Well, I can be joining you. I don’t mind feeling you up with your soft fleecy clothes on,” he said, moving her hair away from her neck with one hand as his other cupped her breasts.” 

She wiggled free from his clutches. “No, I didn’t mean like that. I meant I am literally going to sleep for the night. I just need some space. Time to think.”

His face fell and he turned her around. “What? But why? I was having a lovely time, weren’t you?”

“Maybe at first. But then you got all these calls. Which are actually pretty rude to answer at the dinner table, by the way. I know no one taught you phone etiquette, so I tried to let it go, but it’s just. . .” She sighed and let the dead air hang between them for a few beats. “It’s just a lot of little things.”

“Little things, like what?”

And so she listed all the little things that had been gnawing at her mind, the roommate issues, the rumor mill about this “Memo” person, his question of her power usages, his other bizarre comments and looks.

“I just don’t know if this is going to work, and I don’t want either of us to get hurt,” she said. 

“Right. Right.” he said, not sure what else to say. 

“I just don’t want to be your dirty little secret. I thought I was clear about that before,” she said. “I feel like you want to be with me, but just who you remembered me being back then. I’m not her anymore. I’ve grown. I’ve evolved. I have power now. Powers. I can’t hide them when you too are a creature of the night capable of so much more than when you were merely a man.”

“But you’re not a secret. Laszlo and Nadja knew I was on a date. . .” he grabbed his bag.

She let out a sigh, looking straight through him, “Yeah, and I think one of them thought I was a man and the other a vampire, and you didn’t correct either of them.”

“Well, I was wanting to get back to our date.”

“Well, that’s just not good enough for me. There is nothing wrong with me being a witch. Just like there is nothing wrong with being a vampire. Our kind cohabitate all the time. We’re not enemies, so I don’t know why you insist on treating me like one.”

He puffed up his chest real big as he fastened his cape all by himself. “It’s not as if your friends are knowing about me.”

“Actually, the whole coven knows about you now. They know you’re my husband and that you’re courting me.”

“Oh,” he finished packing up his stuff, not sure what to say, as he walked out of the room to exit the apartment.

“Wait,” she said.

His dead heart fluttered.

And then she ran to her closet and retrieved the coat from their Valentine’s encounter.

“Oh, he said.”

He silently exited her apartment and flew back home. Once back in the mansion, he totally bypassed his entire household, not answering any of their questions about why he was home early and what he had been doing. Instead, he went straight to his crypt, opened up his coffin, hopped in, and let the lid slam shut on himself. Much to his surprise, they all honored his need for privacy.  


He had messed things up and he didn’t know how to fix them. How do you fix your roommate's problem with your wife when you can’t even admit to them she exists and that you’re in love with her?

It was going to be a long night. 

Nandor wasn't sure the future held much hope for them.

He had managed to turn his phone on and saw that Andrakis had left him an electronic text correspondence. 

_ I still love you.  _

It stared at him in its little grey box. He stared back, his heart filling with a glimmer of hope. A series of little orbs magicked their way on to the screen, pulsing with anticipation. Then another grey box appeared.

_ Maybe we can try again soon. I have a long weekend off coming up. We could get away to someplace secluded? _

He sent off a quick correspondence.

_ My dearest Andrakis, _

_ I am sorry that I was rude with the phone and my roommates unrelenting calls. I promise I will correct that very soon. I would love to go away with you soon. I hope you know a cool place where I will be safe as you know there are assassins after me. I would hate to have to fight them off in front of you. You are very important to me and I care for you very much. I hope you have a lovely sleep. _

_ Love, _

_ Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Your Devoted Husband _

He sat his phone down, quickly drifting off to dreamland with a smile plastered on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment and kudos so much.


	9. The Past: Ship of Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor and Andrakis depart for Al Quolanudar. It's not all smooth sailing on this journey though. Only time will tell if their relationship can handle a big case of sea sickness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks as always to FoggyJam for beta reading this for me and being my general sounding board for this story. I'm am forever in your debt.

In the two weeks since Nandor had made Andrakis his bride, and once she got over her fear of him where their bedroom activities were concerned, the couple had managed to make the beast with two backs in numerous places and at all hours of the day and night. This, of course, was much to the ire of Nandor’s advisors, who at each breakfast meeting had urged their leader to lay off her, so to speak. Surely all of this activity would result in them presenting a very non-virginal bride to the Al Quolanudarian court. A bride who was very obviously not the woman he intended to bring back. A bride whose womb would be so swollen from his continued attentions that she might give birth at the wedding altar. A bride who would immediately meet the disapproval of the real leader of his harem.

They had pleaded this fact to their unrelenting leader numerous times to no avail. Nandor always rolled his eyes at their urgings, sometimes sighing audibly. He would glance at Andrakis, giving her a  _ can you believe these men _ look, before promptly pulling his blushing bride into his lap. This was no altruistic show of affection, but a display of Nandor’s masculine power. He would rub his hands all over her, slowly moving from stem to stern, groping her more voluptuous parts. They always came to rest upon her midsection in order to show off her slim figure. He would splay his palms, moving them in slow, sensuous circles while proclaiming that he had it all under control and no forces would be setting up camp within her womb. At least until he was ready for her to be a mother, that is. Nandor assured his advisors that he would not be ready for that until after he and his new conquest were wed properly.

To avoid further judgmental looks and comments from his advisors, Nandor had taken to sneaking around with Andrakis. While he was quite annoyed that he, the ruler of his country, had stooped to such a base level all just to have sex with his own wife, it was quite fun too. Instead of taking her as he wished in his usual bed chambers, he found other places for them to bless with their sexual acts. Because of this creative copulation operation, he finally got to partake of all her gifts in the stables, in the hayloft to be exact. For one, it was out of sight of any servants who might pass by. Two, it was out of the purview of his precious Jahan. He couldn’t have his beloved steed see him in such a position.

When the hayloft was too precarious, they would head to a secluded little grove. The once verdant trees lay bare for now, but ever ready to claim their lush looks once spring was in full swing. Despite the barren scenery, it provided ample cover for their activities. Nandor had gotten an immense workout just by pressing Andrakis up against various trunks. When his wife didn’t feel like the bark pressing into her backside was worth the amazing orgasms he was giving her, he would lay her down beneath the thickets and take a more gentle approach with her. 

And as they traveled to the coast to board their vessel home, they managed to sneak away numerous times to enjoy one another’s company. Every meal break was an opportunity to have his way with her and his advisors were none the wiser.

But now that they were aboard the ship, Nandor was finding the single partner life a little lackluster. He had to admit that Andrakis was a pleasant lay. Her lips were lush and took his penis beautifully into her eager mouth. Plus she could now easily take all of him into her folds without as much foreplay. And even better, she was regularly begging him to sup from her sumptuous nether regions. His wife, most importantly, moaned very earnestly at all of Nandor’s attention. Andrakis was inexperienced enough to enjoy the constant companionship Nandor demanded. Had he not been so skilled in the bedroom department, perhaps she would have already grown tired of his constant urges. But the itch for variety was hitting him hard, and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander and his eyes gaze longingly at the captain and his crew.

To make matters worse, his wife had suddenly become unbearably annoying to him. Despite having lived her entire life on the island nation of Bagheesa, Andrakis was apparently not accustomed to sea travel at all. From the moment she boarded the ship, her sea sickies took hold, transforming her golden honey complexion to a putrid pistachio.

Nandor pulled her into his lap one morning at breakfast, as he was accustomed to doing at every meal, in order to show the crew she was off limits. While not one to outwardly appreciate these gestures, Andrakis was outright defiant today. She fidgeted and pulled away from Nandor, or at least tried to. “My wife, you are acting particularly whiny today. We’ve only been aboard this ship for like three days, and you won’t stop moaning about feeling ill.” He raised his pitch to mimic her tone, “Nandor, I don’t feel so well, this ship is rocking too much. How much longer will we be on this journey?” 

The other ship-men laughed. Andrakis just glared at him.

Nandor grinned and whispered to her. “I can’t be taking you into my chambers tonight with that continued attitude, you know.” 

He pulled her face to his, raising a brow, but quickly frowning. Andrakis’s mild pistachio complexion had soured into a moldy moss. “Don’t think about doing that on me, dear. I will leave you in Tabriz if you sully my good garments.”

Andrakis pursed her lips together, pulled herself from Nandor’s grip, and then huffed her way out of the dining hall and onto the upper deck.

Nandor didn’t put up much resistance this time, not with her face looking like her humors were all out of balance. He watched as she stormed her way out and then turned back to his food. “What’s her problem now?” he said to no one in particular. “And she barely even touched her meal.” He slammed his napkin down and turned to the steward. “Save this, she’s eating it for dinner. I don’t care what the menu is. She will eat what is given to her.” He said quietly, his tone deadly.

With that Nandor marched up the ladder and found Andrakis bent over the starboard bow of the ship, hurling up the breakfast she barely ate.

“You need to get better sea legs, my wife. It’s going to be quite a while on this boat.”

Andrakis took in a few breaths before turning to glare at her husband. “I’m. Doing. The. Best. I. Can.” She said each word slowly and deliberately as if trying to keep herself from hurling up more than just her breakfast. “But I feel awful all day long, and I can’t sleep, and I hate this so much, and it doesn’t help that you keep yelling at me and threatening to dump me because I’m too inconvenient to deal with.” The rest of her rant spilled forth as if a dam had broken, her words the floodwaters crashing through. Sobs racked his wife’s body as she finished her little tirade. Andrakis folded in on herself, unable to stand upright any longer due to the weight of her emotions.

Nandor just shook his head. “I think maybe you need to try a little harder,” he said without thinking.

Her face shot up and she gave him the look, her eyes daggers boring into the very core of his being. She stood up fast, wobbled a bit, and then stomped past him, shoving him with the nudge of her shoulder. “I’m going to go to my room to sleep. Don’t come after me.” Andrakis walked a few paces before turning to face him. “And don’t even think about asking me to come  _ visit _ you in your chambers tonight. I don’t care if you find a concubine to fuck out your night’s with, I’m not doing it anymore.” She turned once more, her skirts a flutter, and headed to her sleeping quarters.

Nandor’s mouth hung open. None of his wives had ever spoken to him with such disrespect before. They wouldn’t dream of being so. . .so. . . so belligerent with him. This was unreal.

Suddenly Nandor wasn’t feeling so hot himself. His skin was flush, and his tummy was rumbling something fierce. He felt like his anus was going to release the contents of his bowels all over himself. He hurried to relieve himself someplace private before he sullied his clothing as badly as Andrakis’s disobedient behavior was sullying his reputation.

He would deal with Andrakis’s insubordination and failing of her wifely duties later. Seriously, where was he supposed to find a concubine on this ship? Had he known she was going to suddenly change her mind, he would have found one in her village before embarking for home. He could have just chalked it up as her needing a servant when in reality he would really be the one serviced.

But none of that mattered now that both ends of Nandor’s body had given up on holding steady and were threatening to retreat at any moment. His most pressing concern was maintaining composure and keeping his meals down. Andrakis was far from his mind. As far as he knew, she literally had jumped ship. Maybe she’d rather risk becoming the bride of merciless merfolk than be adjoined to the relentless mortal.

Nandor’s sea sickies, as he called it, which in later years he would regard as simple food poisoning, settled about a week into their journey. Andrakis had not jumped ship, but instead just avoided all mealtimes with him during this interval, presumably also dealing with her own food-borne illness.

He, of course, had abstained from any sexual encounters while the risk of soiling himself at both ends was high. No one on the ship would want to bed him in that state, and well, Andrakis was really the only viable candidate for such an activity. No other women were on the ship and the captain and crew definitely didn’t seem like the types, handsome as they may be, to want to bed a powerful warrior.

Nandor was surprised to see Andrakis all alone at the breakfast table one morning. Maybe she had finally gotten over herself.

He did his usual routine of touching her, caressing her in front of the others, possessing her body as his property before seating her in his lap. He needed her to know exactly the effect she had on him.

Andrakis just sighed. “Do you have to keep doing this? This is so humiliating,” she whispered between clenched teeth.

“What is humiliating about your husband showering you with affection?” he said as he squeezed her breast.

She winced. “Ouch, be careful with those,” Andrakis said too loudly. She pulled away and tried to soothe herself without any of the other male crew seeing her.

He stared at her, a bored look in his eyes, awaiting her answer.

His wife took in a deep breath, letting the air slowly release from her body before speaking. “It’s not affection if it’s making me uncomfortable, is it? I'm beginning to think I was better off back home.”

He smirked. “And why would you say something as stupid as that. You wanted your father to marry you off to some geezer who doesn’t even have his own forces?”

Andrakis rolled her eyes. “I’m kind of missing the man who wooed me when we first met.”

Nandor frowned. His brain snapped in twain. “Excuse me, what?”

“You heard me,” she grinned.

He pulled her face to his, looking his wife straight in the eye as he spoke, his breath seeming to invade her nostrils. Andrakis' face scrunched and she covered her nose. “What other man was after you?” She winced in response, trying to pull away. He pulled her face back to his, “Answer me, wife!”

She rolled her eyes and finally pulled away, covering her mouth. “How are you so dumb, Nandor? I was talking about you. The  _ you  _ I talked to at the party all alone and in your chambers all alone. You’re a total asshole when other men are around, did you know?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. He held onto Andrakis loosely. “I am the same man now that I was then. And don’t you forget the first time we met; I was trying to take you to bed with me with no intentions of taking you as my bride. So, really, how nice of a guy does that sound like?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

He could see her eyes welling up with tears, her mouth held in a tight line. “I’m just going to go,” she said quietly. “I lost my appetite.” Andrakis pulled away from his grasp and headed up to her room, stopping on the way to vomit up her dignity.

Nandor shrugged and continued to eat his food. He’d change her mind later.

The warrior occupied himself with numerous routine tasks as he waited for the sun to set. He read through some correspondences he had neglected, including one from his mother. Instead of writing back immediately, he spent the better part of the day polishing his swords and armor. Couldn’t have sullied weaponry left to rust and call himself a proper general. Plus it wasn’t as if he could immediately send her a response. She would never know how long he waited to write back. Once he was satisfied that all his swords were at their optimal conditions, he went to visit Jahan in his quarters with the other horses and animals. His mighty steed was always there for him when he was lonely or frustrated and this time was no different. 

“Jahan, have your mare’s ever given you as much grief as this Andrakis has given me on this trip?”

The horse just answered with a few blinks and a soft whinny. 

“I knew you’d understand, my sweet boy.” Nandor brushed his mane and tail. “Maybe you would like a nice braid sometime. When my wife starts behaving herself, I will give her the privilege of touching your locks.”

Nandor pat the horse on his haunch before heading back up to join the others for dinner.

He was surprised at his wife’s absence as he entered the dining hall. When he inquired if she may have taken an earlier meal, no one could even remember the last time she was here. Nandor made an excuse for her, reminding them about her sea sickies. But she did need to eat. All this meal skipping was going to have her become too thin. He couldn’t have people see her and think she was some poor waif whose husband couldn’t afford to feed her. 

More worrisome was her becoming too thin and losing her attractive assets. He lay down on his bedding and palmed himself thinking about his wife disrobing in front of him. Andrakis slinking up to him as she slinked out of her gown. Andrakis crawling into his lap and taking his lips into hers. Andrakis divesting him of his clothing and settling herself on him. 

Just the thought of her, naked and writhing, was enough to make Nandor stand at attention. He didn’t need to fantasize about it though, not when he could just go across the ship and take it back to his bed. With that in mind, he traversed the ship to find his wife and take her to his chambers so that he could make his fantasy become reality. It was her sole job to fulfill her wifely duties, after all. This is the only duty that mattered to him at this moment.

He entered his wife’s chambers to find Andrakis already fast asleep, and it was only just past nightfall. He shook his head. It was far too early for her slumber.

Nandor knelt beside her, shaking gently to rouse her. “Come on, get up, my wife.”

She stirred briefly but did not open her eyes.

He frowned and nudged her again. “I’m waiting for you to wake up, so we can go back to my room and fuck. I’m horny and this is what you’d say you do for me.”

Andrakis’s eyes fluttered open and she turned to face him. A sleep-addled comment fell dreamily from her lips. “I don’t think I can walk one pace without getting seasick again though. Can we just wait another night? You didn’t mind waiting before?” she whined.

His frown soured into a full grimace. He rolled his eyes before airing his complaints, “Are you fucking kidding me right now? I told you I was horny. If you can’t walk, I can just as easily take you here too.” He knelt beside her as he finished his complaints.  


He hadn’t even gotten her dress off her shoulder before she pulled away. “Nandor, please. I really don’t feel well. I’m afraid I’ll get sick all over you,” she said, burying her head in his lap and hugging him. “Everything on this boat is making me feel sick all the time.”  


“Well, I got sick, but I got over it. You can get over it too,” he said, lifting her up.

Andrakis’s eyes flew upon, her pupils dilated, shining like glass marbles. She tried to steady herself but clung tighter to Nandor.

Nandor’s face softened as he eased her back down. “Oh shit, you really aren’t feeling well. I thought maybe you were faking it to stop fucking me.” After making sure she was secure on her pillows, he felt her forehead first with his palm and then the back of his hand. “You don’t seem to be having a fever, so that’s good. Is the motion of the ocean making you so sick you can’t even eat anymore?”

“I guess. There are a lot of weird smells on this ship too. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for sea travel,” she frowned.

“Well, it’s too late for that. I’m sure you will adjust soon,” he paused, tapping his knee. “Is there something I can have brought to you to make you feel better?”

She smiled at him, “Is there maybe some tea and some bread? I think I could stomach that.”

“I will have it brought to you,” he said, running his hand down her face. Nandor departed with a flourish and found the steward to serve her the requested meal.

Once that was done, Nandor decided to indulge in some solo action to assuage the tight coiling feeling in his core. He grabbed his bottle of olive oil and lay back on his bedding. He was rock hard and wanting so much more than a hand right now, but this would have to do.

Before he could reach beneath his clothing to satiate his lust, Rahim popped into his room.

A meek grin spread across the man’s face. “Sire, were you needing help readying for bed. I heard you sent some tea and bread to your wife. Do I assume you will not be taking her into your chambers tonight like you said?”

Nandor bolted up, hiding his hardness beneath a pillow. “Oh, yes. She is still feeling very sea sicky. Worst case of sea sickies ever, apparently.”

He nodded. “Then will you be needing me to prepare anything for yourself before you slumber?”

Nandor grinned and made a come-hither motion toward his attaché. “There is something you can help me with if you so desire to be helping me with this particular task.” He tossed the pillow aside and thrust his hips up for emphasis. 

“Your wish is my command, sire.” The man practically glided toward him.

“Good.” He grinned, beckoning the man to sit with him, stroking his face.

It had been so long since Nandor was last with a man. Rahim wasn’t exactly the type of man Nandor sought, a little on the younger side, being in his thirties and all. While older than Nandor by at least four years, Nandor still liked his men to be even older than that. But this was a desperate time and Nandor was a desperate man.

Soon the two of them were kissing and cuddling, both men stroking one antoher other, pressing their penises up against each other and finally, Nandor pressing his slick fingers into Rahim’s waiting rim to properly prepare him for the next act.

He started with one and then worked up to two, curling his fingers into Rahim’s most sensitive spot, causing the man to pant and writhe beneath him. How Nandor wanted to be filled up just like he was about to fill Rahim. Maybe after he got off this way first would he let his servant have the privilege of fucking his master.

After working in a third finger, he knew that Rahim was good and ready to take all of Nandor. He breached the man’s defenses easily and found a pleasant rhythm as he thrust in and out.

The two men were so lost in their moans that they didn’t hear the creak of the ancient door. Nandor continued to pound Rahim, eyes closed, crying out filthy things as he fucked his servant’s tight ass. Rahim also cried out filthy things of his own before saying he was surely going to come.

Nandor was surprised his own orgasm didn’t hit as Rahim tightened around him. The man shuddered beneath him and then let out the most peculiar noise. Gone were the lusty moans of a man being thoroughly served and in their stead were shrieks of surprise as if a ghost had manifested itself from the walls and into the room.

The warrior king mocked the older man’s protests, “What are you screaming about, man, that’s not how you should be coming when I’m giving it to you so good.” He punctuated his remark with a hard thrust and firm slap on Rahim’s ass. A crash of fine china breaking finally pulled Nandor from his reverie.

“Oh fuck.” Nandor said, immediately releasing his grip on the man’s hips and sliding out, still hard from his own lack of orgasm.

Standing before the two of them, wide eyed and wibbling, was Andrakis. She had a teapot in one hand and broken shards in front of her from what looked to be some rather priceless porcelain cups.

“Well, don’t you know how to knock, for fuck’s sake?” Nandor yelled, grabbing his robes and throwing them on before walking toward her.

She said nothing. Rahim said nothing. He dressed himself and then ran to clean up her mess.

Andrakis was biting her lip so hard, blood blossomed from it.

Nandor felt something hard pulling at his heart seeing her in such a state. He caressed her face with the hand that had not been three knuckles deep in his servant’s ass. His voice was gentle for the first time since they boarded the ship. “I need to clean up. Please go back to your room and I will be in there shortly.” 

She turned to walk away in a zombified state.

Nandor retrieved some soap and water to clean himself up, washing all the remnants of Rahim away from him, and adorned his nightclothes before heading to his wife’s room. He stopped by the scullery to retrieve more cups, sensing what she must have been trying to do.

He found her curled up in her bed whimpering. Nandor knelt to her side, cradling her into his arms.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I promise.” He stroked her back softly as he spoke.

She tried to pull away, but he pulled her tighter. “I know you were expecting a lot out of marrying me, but truth be told, I’m kind of a hard man to handle. And not just because of my penis size. It’s going to be a tough road back to our home, and I don’t want you to be soft and unable to handle life there.”

Andrakis buried her face in his side. “But what does that have to do with treating me like dirt when I’m sick and then fucking your servant?”

Nandor looked up at the ceiling. “Well, I don’t think I was treating you like dirt, I was treating you like a normal husband treats his wife when others are around.”

She lifted her head up, lashes soaked from her tears, with more threatening to spill forth. “Well, that is just awful.”

He shrugged and looked away momentarily before meeting her gaze. “Well, I don’t make the rules.”

She eyed him, but it was not worth going down this road again. “And Rahim?”

“What about him?” His face was a mask of stoicism. 

Her gaze didn’t falter. “Why did you fuck him?”

He pondered for a moment, letting the silence fill the room with an awkward tension. “Because you didn’t want to fuck,” he said coolly. 

The anger arose deep within her. Andrakis’s eyes were alight with the burning fires of rage. “Because I felt too bad! I would have been no good to you, believe me. Do you really want to be balls deep in me when I could barf all over you at any second?” She paused, taking a few cleansing breaths before speaking again, “Because if so, please keep that kink to yourself.”

Nandor’s face scrunched up. “Eeuch, no. Why would you even say that?”

“I don’t know, but you seem pretty insistent that we go to bed together when I’m clearly not well.”

“That’s not my problem. When a wife is too ill or having her monthly visit, I go and find another one to replace her. You will have to get used to sharing me, my dear. I’m not going to forego all others just to appease your western sensibilities.

Andrakis looked away. “I know that. I’m very aware that I’m not the only one who has your . . .” she bit her lip, hesitating to find the words before she just let empty void consume them.

“Yes, you’re not the only one who has my attentions,” he finished for her.

“Sure, that’s exactly what I was going to say,” she frowned and turned away from him, burying her face in the pillow.

He quirked his brow at her sudden mood shift. Instead of letting her pout and sulk, he lifted her to his chest and cradled her in his arms, gently rocking her back and forth. 

He looked into her eyes and was met with an incredulous gaze. “Is something wrong? Do you not like this attention I’m paying to you?” he asked.

“I feel like you’re up to something.”

“I’m just trying to make you feel better, is all. You suffered a sudden shock at seeing me giving my attention to Rahim instead of giving my affection to you.” He gently ran his hands through her hair as spoke. “I want you to know that you are cared for, even if I may look or touch another person from time to time. You are my wife, after all. It is my duty to look out for you.” 

Her features softened at his little speech. “Well, I was actually feeling a little better,” she said. “The tea, it helped. And so did the bread. So I came to visit you because I wanted to see if- “

“You wanted to see if I would have some tea with you and then what?” he asked, more bitter in tone than he intended. His face soured at his own actions before schooling back into a softer expression.

“To have some tea,” she paused and said the next part almost at a whisper, “and maybe have some kind of fun together.” A deep crimson flourished on her cheeks as she conjured up the nerve to say, “I would be willing to try what you did with Rahim if you were missing that aspect of your life with your other wives.”

He let out a small laugh, running his hand down her cheek. “You assume a lot of things about Al Quolanudarian women, my dear. The other wives don’t really let me do that with them.”

She sat up, “Wait, are you telling me, you, Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Undying Warrior who has turned the Euphrates red with the blood of the fallen, let your wives get away with telling you  _ no _ when it comes to bedroom activities?” 

“Twice. I ran the Euphrates red with blood twice. And yes, I do respect the wishes of my wives. If they do not want me to go up the alternate route, I use the main one.”

“But you literally came to my room to try to get me to do something I was not wanting to do. Do you not respect me as your newest wife?”

He thinned his lips. “I’m sorry for that. I can sometimes be a little uncaring when I get restless. I’m not used to being denied. Someone is always wanting to please me.” 

She raised her brow at that. “Well, for future reference, if I tell you I don’t feel well, I’m being serious. If I’m not in the mood, I will tell you to go find someone else. I just want to know when you’re doing those things without me while we’re away from the rest of the household.” Andrakis said, never breaking eye contact. 

Nandor was taken aback, but at the same time in awe of the woman before him. A wife telling  _ him _ how it was going to be and what  _ he  _ could do. This was new and not wholly unwelcome. However tantalizing that thought may be, he needed to assert himself just a bit, so she didn’t think she was the queen over him. Andrakis was merely his consort. 

“It’s really cute that you think you can tell me how to behave when I am your husband and above you.” he said, a smarmy grin chiseled into his features. “But, yes, I will respect your boundaries when you are either ill, having your visit, or just not in the mood. It’s not fun for me to take you when you’re unwilling, despite my reputation otherwise.”

Her face soured. “It’s amazing to me that you have women willing to marry you with that attitude.” She let out a little laugh as she turned away from him. 

“Well, it worked on you, did it not?” he asked as he turned her back to look in his eyes. He cradled her face in his hands, running his thumbs up and down the sides of jaw.

“I don’t recall having that much of a choice in the matter. Something about you needing to protect my honor . . .from you,” she grinned.

“You could have done worse,” he pulled her in for a kiss. “Now, you were saying that you would not mind me going up the alternate trail to conquering you. I’ve never had a wife ask for that before.” Nandor let his hand wander down her back until he could firmly grab her buttocks.

Andrakis pursed her lips and knit her brow in thought, “Is it not fun for a woman? For a man to conquer her in such a fashion?”

He shrugged. “It depends, I guess. Ask a concubine. They let me do it regularly.”

“I don’t know any concubines,” she said.

“That is not surprising given your culture. I’m sure the men of the Occident just have an unorganized system of mistresses that they hide from their wives. Like your mother, right? She was not your father’s wife.”

Andrakis frowned, her lip quivering a bit. “I don’t like to talk about that.”

He crooked his finger under her chin and lifted her face to look into his eyes. “There is no shame in your origins. You are royalty to me and my opinion is the only one that matters in that regard. I think it’s quite nice that you are part Al Quolanudarian and part Bagheesian. I have other wives who are Western or from other cultures. You will not stand out.”

“Your people won’t be upset that my mother is a servant?”

“Why would they? If one of my concubines, who are essentially servants, were to bear me a son, her status would instantly be improved in my household. And you are not a servant, you are an educated woman who can speak two languages.”

“Four.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can speak four languages.”

“Oh wow, that is very impressive,” he said.

“I know,” she smirked.

“Maybe your father was right about your initial bride price,” he said to himself.

“What was that?” she asked. 

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about, my lamb."

She shrugged and let Nandor hold her close. They snuggled together and talked well into the late evening hours. Nandor issued more sorries for his behavior and promised to be better and to be nicer to her while she struggled with her sea sickies.

The pair ended up sharing some tea and some bread before retiring for bed. Even with her feeling slightly better, further sexual activity was halted. No need to rush into things too soon.

The next day he managed to treat Andrakis with a modicum of more respect than he had in the entire trip thus far. At least in public. He still sat her in his lap, but avoided touching her breasts, instead just resting his hands upon her torso and bragging about her lack of plowed fields. Privately he was the same kind Nandor that he pretended didn’t exist in the presence of other men.

Her diet of teas and breads seemed to be helping her stay off the seasick path and after about a full week of no vomiting incidents, he retrieved her from her bed chambers to his to see if she was serious about letting him conquer her from the alternative route.

While Nandor was the leader of this country and didn’t need permission to enter his wife’s current abode, it was polite to at least announce one’s self before just walking into the room. He laughed to himself. Maybe if she remembered such manners, she wouldn’t have caught him balls deep in his attaché’s tight ass. Andrakis would have been none the wiser. But the thought of getting to plow her in the posterior was delightful, so maybe her rude manners had some unforeseen benefit.

He did a cursory knock and said, “Andrakis, it is me, your big, strong, warrior husband, I am coming in now. Please be decent.”

Nandor was met with an incredulous look as he entered the room.  


“Why would you care if I looked indecent if it’s just you coming in here?” she raised a brow.

“Well, it just felt like the right thing to say. What if you were changing into your night clothes or something and you didn’t want me to see your exposed breasts.”

“I figure if you’re coming to see me, I won’t be covered up for very long anyway, so I still don’t understand the polite decorum.”

He looked to the ceiling and let out a huge huff. “Okay. Let’s drop it.” Was it so obvious that he was only here to arouse her interests in the hopes that she would give in kind?

“I was about to turn in early. I finished my work so- “

He eyed her skeptically. “Work? What work?”

“Oh, I was just using some parchment to work on some translations of this play from my homeland. Nothing special.”

“Hmm,” was all Nandor could manage to say. He had just the mildest thread of curiosity tugging at his mind, but he was also trying to play it more aloof with her too. Their renewed closeness behind closed doors made her seem to think she could break all the rules and such. He couldn’t have that.

She looked down after his comment. “I guess we’re doing this then?” Andrakis stood up and began to disrobe.

Nandor should have been thrilled seeing her exposed form before him, but he just felt a clawing sense of guilt. It filled his blood with bile, and he swallowed a bitter chemical taste as he tried to stir up sensuous thoughts about what he wanted to do to her. He should be aroused seeing the heft of her breasts as she slipped the fabric past them. Were they bigger somehow? It had been a while by Nandor standards. Maybe they were always that plump and he just forgot.

The warrior king, unrelenting, ruthless, feared, did something totally out of character in that moment when her gown fell to the ground, exposing her full self to him. “No, wait. Why don’t we just talk first? You can put your clothes back on.” He cringed inwardly as the words fell out of his mouth.

Andrakis returned his look with a doe eyed stupor. “What? You want me to put my dress  _ back _ on?”

He walked up to her and grabbed the garment from the ground, pulling the frock over her. Nandor then proceeded to pick her up and take a seat with her sitting in his lap.

“So, you were serious.” She eyed him as if she were looking to see if a changeling had invaded Nandor’s brain and took control of his mind.

“Yes, I know you like to talk, so we are doing the talking.”

“But I thought- “

He put a finger to her lips. “Not that kind of talking. Real talking. About non-sexy stuff.”

She frowned. “Okay then,” she paused, pondering for a topic not related to their relationship or sexual acts. “Did you want to hear about my translation work?” she asked.

“Yes.” He nodded despite perhaps not really wanting to hear about it. But if she was going to provide talking points, it meant he didn’t have to.

He idly listened as she droned on about the plot and characters, some ancient story from her homeland it seemed from what little Nandor listened. He just said things in agreement and for her to go on and speak from the heart.

Before he knew it, she was pressing a kiss to his lips. So much for talking, but his ill feelings had died down considerably now that she was enthusiastically initiating the action instead of being resigned to it.

Andrakis had a huge grin beaming from her face. “I love you.”

Nandor smiled back and just answered her with a deep kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth. Occupying her mouth would hopefully keep her from asking him to utter the words he wasn’t quite ready to speak into the world.

He held her face in his hands. “Were you still in the mood for _ love _ ?” he asked.

She had stars in her eyes. “Yes.”

He kissed her again. “Would you want to try something more forbidden tonight?”

“Do you mean- “

“Yes,” he cut her off.

She blushed, the red blooming on her cheeks and spreading down her face and throughout her body.

“I take that as a yes?” he asked, kissing her before she could reply.

She kissed him back and mumbled as yes as their tongues danced.

“We shall go to my chambers then. I have supplies there.” He raised his brows, giving her a lusty glance.

Without hesitation, he lifted Andrakis up and foisted her over his shoulder, making sure to hold onto her backside with a splayed hand so he could tease her as they traversed the ship back to his quarters.

When they arrived, he made sure to lock the door to ensure that no one would disturb them.

“We’re all alone now, my dear. Are you ready to take me inside your forbidden zone?”

She couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because that was so corny.”

“Well, it’s the truth. Technically what we are doing is very forbidden, even for a man and wife to do. It will produce no children, which, a huge plus for us right now.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. But I have a few questions.”

“Why would you have any questions. It’s just- “

“Something that I’ve never done before. I know you have, but like, have you with a woman?”

“Oh, plenty of times.”

“But your wives- “

“Oh no, not them. They don’t bring it up and I don’t dare to ask them, honestly. Concubines though. Very willing to please.” He grinned.

Andrakis tried to hide her frown, not sure if her husband realized he’d equated her to a concubine and how that looked in her mind. But to be fair, she did actually ask him about that particular act first. Maybe he did see her as a legitimate wife and not just someone he was forced to marry due to circumstance.

“So, what do we need to do to prepare?”

“Oh, we will be doing a lot of things like we did on our consummation night. I want you so horny you can’t stand it. So horny you’re begging for me to satisfy you with my penis. So horny that when I deny you, you can’t help but try to ease the tension in your body by humping my leg, my hand, and every hard surface in this room. When you are so horny that you feel like you’ll just crawl out of your own skin just to get that sweet release, then I will take you from behind.”

Andraki’s eyes were so wide, the globes threatened to encompass her entire face. “And it will feel good?”

“It will hurt a little, but it’s a good hurting maybe. I don’t know yet for you. But I will prepare you first. And I’ll caress you upfront while I take you from behind. I guarantee you will enjoy yourself and have an orgasm.”

“What are we waiting for then?” she said, slipping out of her gown again.

“So forward, my precious little lamb.” He rubbed his hands together.

And so he properly prepared his wife for the inevitable penetration of her posterior by his mighty penis. He made sure she was thoroughly horny by manipulating her with his hands until she begged for his mouth. He had to be more careful with his tongue as it was quite easy to get her to come with just languid laps upon her sensitive flesh. When she cried out to be filled up and fucked hard, he brought out the olive oil and began to tease at her back entrance.

“We’re going to take this one finger at a time like we did before. Three is probably sufficient prep to take me.”

She nodded and let him know she was ready. He eased in his pointer finger and Andrakis answered with a harsh hiss and a clenching of muscle upon his digit. “Don’t tense up, just relax.” He soothed with his free hand.

Andrakis took in some cleansing breaths and relaxed herself, crying out to come as he added a second finger to help start the stretching process properly. He used a scissoring motion, adding more oil as needed.

By the time he added his third finger, both Nandor and Andrakis were crawling out of their skins horny. She was just more vocal about it.

“When is it time to go all the way?” she whined.

“I think you need to be patient,” he grinned, giving her a light smack with his free hand.

She whined and pushed back into his hand. Maybe she was ready after all.

He removed his fingers and thoroughly cleaned his hands before lubing himself up. Nandor had Andrakis on her knees as he carefully breached her defenses. As soon as he slipped past her taut ring, he went in easy. It felt amazing. His core was already tightly wound because of his wife’s arousal, but this sensation was definitely going to make him come prematurely, he was certain.

Andrakis seemed to be enjoying his thrusts alone, letting out tiny moans and whimpers. But when he reached around and began to run his fingers through her slick heat, she almost collapsed under the sensations shooting through her core.

She was moaning very loudly for him to fill her up. His wife pushed back on his penis and thrust her hips into his hand, which was now tracing circles on her sensitive spot. He braced himself with one hand, grabbing her hip as he continued to pump in and out of her.

“You like taking my penis up your ass, wife? How dirty are you for letting your husband take you in such a way? Are you my feisty and filthy little lamb?” He punctuated his talk with a slap on her bottom.

She agreed to it all and cried out for more, screaming so loud he was afraid they’d hear her back home.

Nandor lasted longer than he thought he could, and with one final pump, filled her his seed. His orgasm ripped through his core as he continued to pump until he fell limp and pulled out. He increased his efforts on the front, pulling her closer to him so he could get better access to her whole being. She came on his hand soon after, her body twitching and crying out for more.

He wiped the sweat from his brow. “You want more? Now?”

“Yes!” she cried, rolling over and spreading wide for him.

“I’m afraid we may need to wait. I’m spent and well, you don’t want him to go up the traditional route right now. Not without a bath.”

“That makes sense,” she nodded.

They cleaned up and he allowed her to sleep in his chambers with him instead of facing the walk back to her quarters.

The rest of their sea voyage was uneventful except for a quick stop in Constantinople to board a second vessel. They continued to see each other nightly, switching between traditional sex, oral sex, and anal sex. Sometimes they would engage in it all if they were feeling particularly amorous.

By the time they arrived in Rize, they had thoroughly fucked through all their feelings and were on excellent terms again as husband and wife.

It would be just a few more weeks until Nowruz and their arrival back home to meet all the wives and his family. It would be nice to have some partner variety again, but Andrakis wasn’t too bad of a companion. She was doing her best to fulfill all his needs, but there was only one thing she couldn’t do for him fully. She didn’t have the right parts. But maybe, just maybe, he could find a way for her to fulfill his fantasy. What he loved most about being with an older man was the domination. Maybe, just maybe, she would want to fulfill that role for him. She did have a dominating attitude with all her demands of his behavior after all.  


He tried to tamp down that idea. No, it was too taboo, even for him.

But seeing her willingness to please him, to do whatever she could to satisfy him, bending to his every whim and fancy. Well, he was beginning to think he loved this woman. 

Maybe even enough to say it out loud.

He smiled, keeping that thought to himself as they disembarked from the ship. There would be plenty of time for that later. For now, they needed to rest and steal themselves for the treacherous journey back through the northern lands to his fortress in Al Quolanudar.

It was going to be another long road. But this time he had someone he liked to accompany him on the trip. Someone he cherished. Someone he could not live without. Someone he loved.

His other wives were going to be so jealous when he brought Anrdakis back. New favorite wife. New favorite companion. New favorite person. She was everything to him and he was going to have a hard time keeping aloof as they made their way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated.


	10. The Present Day: The Laundromat Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor's and Andrakis's initial weekend plans are foiled, so their date must be postponed. He's sad at first, but time spent with Guillermo is just the cure he needs. Then the vampire gets way more than he bargained for when he decides to show up at Andrakis's place unannounced for surprise date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks as always to FoggyJam for beta reading this for me and being my general sounding board for this story. I'm super thankful for your help with the Nadja dialogue in particular. I'm am forever in your debt.
> 
> Also, things in this chapter certainly align with all the warning tags and fic rating.

Nandor had been anxiously awaiting his three-day weekend visit with Andrakis. He hadn’t told Guillermo about it yet. Nandor didn’t want to get into a fight with the man about staying in unfamiliar places. It wasn’t worth explaining why he had no fears about going off alone to a strange place with a person Guillermo had yet to meet.

Colin Robinson was the only one who really knew what Nandor was up to. This of course, was also a huge problem as now the energy vampire seemed to think that Nandor wanted his unsolicited advice on all things concerning his very not secret relationship.

“Excited to finally seal the deal with Alisha, buddy?” Colin nudged Nandor as he plopped a little too close to him on the love seat.

Nandor let out a little huff. “I told you her name is Andrakis. Alisha is not even the name of one of my wives,” he eyed Colin for a moment. “And what do you mean  _ finally _ seal the deal? I have had numerous sexual encounters with Andrakis. I have taken her into my bed chambers hundreds of thousands of times. We have the children to prove it.”

“You had a hundred thousand children with just one wife. Shouldn’t you have a billion descendants then? Also, your poor wife. She must have been pregnant with a litter of little Nandors your entire marriage.”

The vampire gave his roommate the  _ Are you done?  _ look. “You know that is not possible. Andrakis’s pregnancies were all single babies. I did have a few wives who had sets of twins, but that was very rare. There were no litters. Don’t compare my wives to dogs. They weren’t whelping out kids constantly. They had very respectable numbers of children for their ages and the lengths of our marriages.”

“Okay, sure. I was just yanking your chain. But when was that exactly? Seven hundred years ago?”

Nandor looked up to the air, his finger moving as he did the mental arithmetic. “Well, seven hundred and eighteen years.”

“So nothing in this century then. You haven’t-“ Colin cut himself off and made a lewd hand gesture with his left hand balled into a fist while his right pointer finger probed it in and out.

The vampire rolled his eyes. “I would have if you hadn’t kept calling me. And Laszlo too. She got very upset with all the interruptions.” He slammed his fist on the side table. “It ruined the mood.”

“Sure, Nandor. I ruined the mood by checking in you.” Colin let out a little laugh as he opened up the paper.

Nandor was about to speak, but Laszlo entered the room, eyeing them both. He raised his brow as he looked back and forth between the two vampires. “What are you two going on about then? Why the sudden silence upon my arrival?” 

“Nothing. Just normal topics.” Nandor said, grabbing a book from the side table and opening it to a random page.

“Since when have you become interested in  _ Thermodynamics and the Advanced Theory of Relativity _ , Nandor?” Laszlo cocked a brow at his roommate.

“I’ve always been interested in  _ Therondominoes and the Advanced Theory of Relatives _ .”

“Fine then. Keep your secrets, you knob lord.” Laszlo reached for a volume of his own,  _ A Philosophical Guide to the Kama Sutra _ in which he had stuffed an old  _ Playboy _ from the 70s.

“Who’s keeping secrets, my darling?” Nadja asked as she came into the room, plopping down right next to Nandor and trying to look into his book.

The warrior felt his undead heart race, his face flush. “No one is keeping a secret relationship,” he said, darting his eyes away.

“Ooh, now we’re getting somewhere, my good man. I knew that book was just a ruse.” Laszlo sing-songed as he pointed a painted finger at the vampire.

“Nandor? Are we speaking of your “good friend” from the other night? Did you succeed in making loud, passionate, animalistic sex with them? You will bring them to the house, yes? I’d like to know who is making your groin smell of a domesticated cat. It’s not, _ not  _ pleasant. Have you noticed, Laszlo? It sometimes lingers.”

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t smell my crotch, Nadja.” Nandor said, rolling his eyes.

She bared her fangs at him, eyes glowing crimson for a brief moment before turning back and scoffing, “It’s not like I’m putting my face down there, Nandor. The smell remains after you leave . . . like a big disgusting wet dog!”

Nandor was at a loss for words and then he heard the special ding Colin had programmed in his phone to let him know that Andrakis had sent him an electronic letter. Both she and Guillermo had special tones. He grabbed his little magic pen that allowed him to use the intelligent screen to check the correspondence.

_ I had to call into work today. My hearing is acting up and I’m having the worst case of vertigo in my life. I can barely even walk from my bed to the bathroom. Lilith is coming over to take me to the urgent care. Needless to say, I will not be able to go with you this weekend. Raincheck? _

He stared at the message puzzled. What did the rain have to do with her being sick? Could a witch even get sick? Shouldn’t she be immune to human ailments? It seemed a little suspicious to him.

“Nadja,” Nandor began slowly. “You know a lot about the nature of many supernatural creatures such as werewolves, ghosts, and . . . witches.”

Nadja stuck her tongue out and made a sound of distaste. “Yuck, Witches! Why would you say that?” She spat out five times for emphasis. 

“Well, I was wondering if, say, like a werewolves or a witch, it could be a witch. Could someone like that get sick like with a human problem?”

Colin Robinson folded his newspaper down and eyed Nandor, a faint blue glow lining his irises.

“Nandor, what has you so bloody interested in the nature of werewolves and witches getting ill?” Nadja asked.

“Maybe he’s going to write some of those stories that Gizmo thinks we don’t know about on his computing machine. Remember that one we found last year, my darling? It was actually very, very erotic. That little chap has a way with words, almost as good as he does at slaying our kind.” Laszlo laughed.

Nandor frowned. “No, I’m not working on a story for the ether. Also, don’t go on Guillermo’s computing machine and read his vampire erotica. Do you want him to find out, and then he leaves us all in the lurch, and we get killed by the Council?” He pointed a finger at Laszlo. “Anyway, I was just curious is all because Guillermo was telling me that he might need to delay taking his latest batch of our semen over to the witches because of some human plague or whatever they are calling it.”

Nadja nodded knowingly. “I do remember Lilith falling ill when we were- uh- friendly . . . . Is she sick!? Oh, Nandor, please tell little Gizmo to be careful around her. I can’t bear the thought of him being sick in his sad little room, moaning like a deranged turkey ready for slaughter.”

“I will make a note of it,” he said.

He grabbed his phone and penned a correspondence back.

_ Dearest Andrakis, _

_ I’m sorry to hear you are feeling ill. If I recall your condition correctly, you must feel like you have the sea sickies really bad. Would you like me to come over and help make you feel better? I don’t mind carrying you from your bed to your bathroom if needed. _

_ Love, _

_ Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Nursemaid Husband _

She messaged back soon, but it wasn’t his wife’s usual style.

_ Hey Nandor, this is Lilith texting on behalf of your wife. She wants to tell you thank you for the offer. She’s currently waiting in the doctor’s office getting squared away. She wanted you to know the vertigo is very bad, worse than the sea seackies/morning sickness she felt with all her pregnancies. She wanted to emphasize that really hard. Now this is more me talking than her, but I don’t know if she’d want a visitor in this condition. She’s not exactly had a shower in 36 hours and well, it’s not pleasant. I can check back with her later to see if she’s up for a visit though. _

Nandor sighed and put his phone down. Nadja sniffed the air and made a face as if she were a cat overwhelmed by a scent. Her nose was scrunched up and her face held in a grimace.

“Whatever that message was has your groin going sour. Trouble in the paradise, Nandor?” she asked.

“It’s nothing.” He said, slumping back to his room.

He sat on his divan and just decided to sigh the rest of the evening. He lazed out, spreading his body across the couch, arms and legs akimbo and hanging from the sides. After what could have been ten minutes or ten hours, Guillermo peeped in. “You said you needed to talk to me tonight about something important,” he said.

Right, he was going to argue his case to go stay out of the house for the weekend. No point in that now. “Never mind, Guillermo, it is nothing of importance. Go enjoy your evening.”

“Alright then, if you insist.” He turned to leave but quickly turned back,”Just one more thing, did you hear from Lilith about a delay in the delivery for this week? Nadja was telling me you said the witches were all sick. Pretty weird that Lililith would tell you instead of me.”

He grimaced, trying to find an excuse quickly to cover up his deceit. “Oh right, you might want to call them before you go to make sure the plague went away. It was apparently the fast-acting kind”

Gullermo’s face was a mask of skepticism. “Oh, okay then. That sounds really legit.” He hesitated at the door. Usually Nandor’s mood’s would have the vampire requesting a number of things like a bath, hair brushing, a massage, or all three. Nandor hadn’t even made move to hint at a request. “Is something wrong, Nandor. You’re very despondent.”

Normally he’d chide the intrusion, but he was too emotionally wrought to care to hide it from Guilermo. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a normal Thursday mailse I am feeling tonight. Nothing to concern yourself with. Go, have fun. Catch a motion picture film with that Jeremey friend of yours. Have some popped corn and a carbonated soda product with some of those candies with the chocolate coatings you insist aren’t your dried poops.”

Guillermo’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you’re okay. I mean, if you want to come out with me, you could if you’re. . . if you wanted to or something. I’m sure we could find a movie you’d like to see.”

Nandor waved him away with a limp wrist. “See a motion picture with you, my former familiar? Ha, I didn’t know you were a comedian, Guillermo. Is that one of your secret jobs?”

The man took a few cleansing breaths, trying to remember that his former master could be quite vexing and petulant most days and that was always worse when he was having a depressive episode. 

He took out his phone and checked the local movie theaters. His face lit up at one of the titles that was playing within the next hour. 

A mischievous grin broke out on Guillermo’s face. “Well, I guess I’ll have to go see this golden retriever play basketball all by myself. Too bad you don’t want to go with me. Seems like it would be something you liked to see.”

Nandor sat up. “A motion picture about a powerful pooch playing basketball?” His face had softened as his mouth hung agape awaiting Guillermo’s response.

The mischievous grin softed to a warm one. “Yes, the dog plays basketball in the movie.”

“And you can get us tickets to this amazing true story? They’re not sold out already? Surely the human public would want to see such fêtes on screen.”

Guillermo stifled a laugh, “There are still seats available, but I need to act now to get us good ones.” 

“Then yes, I will accompany you to the motion picture house to see this amazing canine.”

“Okay, I guess you can go with me as long as you promise not to talk and ask questions loudly again.”

“What?” His mouth hung open. “That was one time and I was confused about what was happening with that big battle. Why was everyone clapping when that American warrior caught the magic flying Viking hammer?”

“I’m not sure if we have enough time to explain all of that. You’re lucky they didn’t kick us out of the theater.”

“Well, I’m a big and powerful warrior. No one can kick me out of the motion picture house and live to tell the tale.” He stood proud and regal.

“Luckily this movie doesn’t require a decade of backstory to understand.” He smiled.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Lead the way, Guillermo.”

And so the two went to the movies, Guillermo getting a big popped corn and a big carbonated soda.

The centuries-old vampire made sure to turn his cellular telephone device off like the little animals in the video told him to. He wanted to make sure to follow the protocols of the evening. The last time he had come to the theater with Guillermo he had no such device to worry about.

Nandor seemed to enjoy the movie more than Guillermo. How could he not be moved by such a majestic and skilled creature netting basket after basket? Especially after that rude coach said a dog could not play on the team. 

It was enough of a distraction to make him forget the ache in his undead heart that his weekend plans had been canceled.

Guillermo put Nandor to bed that night, like he usually did. Just because he wasn’t a familiar didn’t mean that a tried and true bedtime routine need be forgotten. But their looks and touches lingered a bit longer tonight. Nandor felt a tugging feeling pulling him in twain as Guillermo let the coffin lid close upon him. The vampire didn’t even think to check his phone to see if Andrakis or Lilith had messaged again.

* * *

In the ensuing weeks since Andrakis had to cancel their plans, spring was now in full bloom and the days were getting longer.

After the weekend had come and gone, Nandor sat at his desk and inquired about Andrakis's condition.

_ Dearest Andrakis, _

_ How are you feeling? I hope it is better and not worse. I am at the ready to come be your nursemaid if you need it. I can even bring you food if you so desire. Colin Robinson showed me how to use the regular Waiter app recently, so even if you didn’t want to see me in person, I can send food your way. Please respond to me at your earliest convenience. _

_ Love, _

_ Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Deliverer of Sustenance _

He waited a quarter of an hour for her response. 

_ Thanks for asking. I'm feeling better. I’m actually pretty well set-up for food. The coven really came through. Pretty nice considering I’m not a full member yet.  _

He agreed and they corresponded back and forth for a full hour before his attention was called away by Nadja and Laszlo coming into the room. He hid his phone away, feeling just a little down that Andrakis hadn’t mentioned anything about going on a date with him.

Perhaps she was still upset at how things ended the last time and was too shy to say something. He hadn’t remembered her being shy in her past, but he figured 750 years of existence could change a person. He shook off the feelings he was feeling and instead Nandor decided to focus on the people actively in his life. 

His excursion to the motion picture house had been the first of many with Guillermo, but most of them were business-related. He would accompany him to the Man Milk drop-offs in hopes that Andrakis would be at the Satchel Serafina, but she was never there at night.

He also started chaperoning Guillermo on his normal shopping trips. Not that the man needed a chaperone, but Nandor actually quite enjoyed going to the market with his former familiar. He would mimic the man feeling the leathery green eggs of alligators and then give him the ones that were just ripe for hatching. Guillermo always smiled when he handed them the precious items.

When the vampire was feeling really generous, he would accompany Guillermo to human food establishments. He didn’t think he could bring the man to the same haunts Andrakis had told him of since Guillermo was not a supernatural creature of the night, so Nandor would either feed before or after their outings. 

It felt like an age had passed since Andrakis’s last correspondence. Then out of the blue she began texting him again.

_ Dinner tonight? I was thinking we could try a new speakeasy that opened up beneath a pizza shop. It’s tucked away between Union and 7th. I can pick you up. _

Unfortunately, she had the worst timing when requesting his company. Always at the last minute and always when he had other plans in place. It would be rude to abandon his plans just to go out with her on a whim. Especially when she didn’t even give him plenty of notice that she was even wanting to go out.

_ I can't, I'm helping Laszlo with the garden. _

Another time she messaged with a request that said:  _ Drinks and dancing tomorrow night? The coven is throwing a little party at a club in Manhattan and we can all bring dates. _

At least she didn’t ask him the night of, but still, a night before was still such short notice. 

_ I told Colin I would listen to his play that night. _

The latest came in about a quarter to 2 AM:  _ Midnight snack? _

It was followed by the little emotive pictographs mortals were so fond of. She had sent one of a tongue and a peach followed by an eggplant and water droplets.

_ I already fed tonight. Plus Nadja's garden needs tending. _

It had been over a month since their last encounter by this point. Two could play the spontaneous encounters game, perhaps. He kept putting it off though, always finding something else pulling his attention away. The calendar had flipped to April by the time Nandor found a free evening. He donned his best outfit and made his way to Andrakis’s place to court her again. He hadn’t bothered to message her first, of course. He wanted to surprise her. The vampire stopped by the flower vendor to pick up a bouquet of roses. He was pretty sure she liked them.

As he approached her building, she was stepping out of the doorway and in no way dressed for an evening out on the town. Her hair was piled on her head in a messy bun; she had on her black, thick rimmed frames. She was adorned in shorts, tennis shoes, long striped socks, and a simple black and white baseball style T-Shirt with no sayings on the front.

She approached him, eyeing him incredulously. An empty basket cradled on her hip and no familiars to be found.

“Well, well, well, fancy meeting you on the regular human streets on this fine evening,” he said, presenting the flowers to her.

“Oh, hey,” she said, a small frown on her face. Andrakis made no attempt to take the flowers from him.

He looked at her and then the flowers. “Is this not the kind of floral arrangement you like?”

“No, roses are fine, I guess. Standard relationship flower for two people who don’t know each other at all,” she hesitated, “it’s just, I thought maybe we had broken up.” She made to move past him, but he blocked her path.

He frowned. Her little flower comment was concerning, but the other thing was so much worse. “Broken up, are you talking like a divorce or something?”

“Not quite but might as well be.” Andrakis made another attempt to move forward, but Nandor continued to block her.

He set the flowers in her little basket and placed his hands on her shoulders. He softened his features. “Why would we be broken up? I'm very much in love with you.”

She met his soft looks with a hard eye roll. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

“Thank you,” he grinned.

If she rolled her eyes any harder, her eyeballs would have popped from their sockets and rolled down the sidewalk before falling into the sewer. “That’s not a compliment.”

Nandor’s face fell. “It’s not?”

She stared at him for a moment, saw an opening, maneuvered her way from out of his blockade, and then continued walking.

He stood stupefied for a moment before returning to reality. “Wait, where are you going?”

Andrakis spun around to look at him. “I need to go pick up my laundry. Is that a crime?”

“Laundry?” Nandor’s eyes became as big as saucers. “Alone?” And nary a familiar to help defend her from the perils of soiled clothings.

He shook his head, assessing the situation from a different angle. "I went to all this effort and came all this way to see you and court you and this is what you are choosing to do instead?"

His wife’s face soured. "Yes, I do my laundry on Sundays. I need clothes for work."

He stomped his foot, crushing an acorn beneath his boot. Nothing but dust left in his wake. “But it’s not safe to do your own laundry. It’s a job for a familiar.”

Her left eye twitched as she gave him a  _ Are you even listening to what you’re saying  _ look. “My familiars clean themselves with their tongues and don’t have opposable thumbs, they aren’t doing my laundry.”

He huffed out a response without thinking, "Can't you use your little magical powers to cleanse your clothes?"

Her eyes narrowed as he said  _ little _ . “That. Is. Not. How. It. Works.” With each word, the ire in her voice rose at the same time her volume lowered. Her words were barely a whisper by the end before rising up again with, “At all.”

He faltered, “But you could try.”

She took a few cleansing breaths. "I can't magic my way into new clothes, Nandor. My closet is not an infinite void of clean outfits. If my clothes are dirty, my clothes are dirty." She stormed off ahead of him.

He floated to her as she entered the laundry service establishment.

The door was propped open but an invisible barrier blocked his way. No washerwoman seemed to be attending the front desk. He stared at Andrakis as she made her way to the large machines.

It felt like ages, but soon an attendant saw him standing there like a lost duck and beckoned him inside. The invisible barrier lifted, and he stumbled forward.

He marched up to Andrakis, grabbed her shoulder and gruffed. "You cannot be coming to this place all by yourself. You could be harmed.”

She turned to him and huffed. "Are you fucking kidding me, I'm not worried about being harmed at the laundromat. The most threatening guy in here is wearing a fucking Danny Tanner sweater and thrift store Gap khakis. And he's no match for me." She pointed at the figure folding delicate lace cravats at the other end of the establishment.

Nandor looked up to see Guillermo staring back at them.

"Shit."

“What?” She looked at the man a little closer. “Oh,” She said, face softening. “You’re that VVaiter delivery man, right? He brought that blood for you on our not-date date night.”

“Guillermo, you did not tell me you were being a delivery man.” Nandor said. “First the Man Milking business and now this? What else are you not telling me? Let me guess, you’re also a warlock or a guardian of the people swimming in the local water lake in addition to all your other secret jobs.”

Andrakis turned from one man to the other. “Wait, this is Memo? The Memo the witches talked about at the Satchel. Guillermo and Memo are the same person?”

Nandor eyed her. “Yes, I thought that was pretty obvious. You said you knew about the jars and such. The collections. You thought Memo was a different person?”

“Well, yeah. People either talked about Memo or you talked about Guillermo. I don’t recall them being the same. But maybe I just didn’t do the math right.” She pursed her lips in thought. How could she have not realized they were the same person. She felt like a total idiot right now.

“Guillermo, don’t be so shy. Come over here.” Nandor beckoned, crooking his finger in a come hither motion.

Guillermo sighed and walked over. He wasn’t too keen on getting to know what was obviously Nandor’s newest girlfriend in this context. He wondered how long this one would last. “Hello,” he said, nearly yawning out the words and not quite looking her in the eye. 

“Guillermo, this is Andrakis Jazayeri of Bagheesa, my 19 th wife. Andrakis Jazayeri of Bagheesa, this is Guillermo DeliaCrootz of the Mexican Piñata Farmers.”

Guillermo’s bored expression morphed to one of bemusement. “Oh, wow.” He blinked in rapid succession, his mind trying to catch up to reality.

Andrakis’s face soured as Nandor obviously butchered Guillermo’s name and origins. “Piñatas aren’t raised on farms.”

Guillermo chuckled. “Don’t even try to explain it, it’s not worth your time.” He gave her a smug smile, his voice tinged with an air of arrogance. 

Guillermo eyed her up and down for a bit. She was certainly something. Maybe a bit too innocent looking for Nandor. He’d seen the types his former master liked to take into his crypt and they didn’t match her profile at all. This was a flash in the pan at best. He turned to Nandor and let out a blunt question, “You do know she’s a witch, right?”

Nandor sputtered, “Of course,  _ I _ do. How else would my actual wife be alive? She’s 750 years old but looks like this!” With a limp wristed motion, he drew attention to her current form. “My question is how do  _ you _ know this?”

Andrakis interrupted with, “Oh, well, it’s nice to meet you Guillermo. Lilith has said nothing but lovely things about you.” She smiled, but a feeling in her gut didn’t allow the smile to reach her eyes. The feeling roiled there as she took in his body language and tone toward her.

The man smacked his palm into his forehead, completely ignoring Andrakis as he addressed Nandor, “She literally mentioned knowing about Memo’s Man Milk. Plus she showed off her powers to me when I brought the blood order. Not to mention she name dropped Lilith and the Satchel.”

“If it’s so obvious, then why even bring it up?” Nandor folded his arms over his chest.

Guillermo rolled his eyes. “Sometimes you have a tendency to miss the big obvious things screaming in your face.” He wouldn’t put it past Nandor to not realize someone was a witch. It’s not like they had a distinct smell like werewolves did. 

Nandor rolled his eyes. “That is very untrue, Guillermo. Don’t exaggerate.”

Guillermo could feel his blood begin to boil and wondered if his former master could sense the uptick in his pulse. “Whatever, Nandor. You can obviously court or date or whatever with who you want. 

You’ve certainly brought a lot of guests home to your coffin since I’ve known you. I just don’t like that you were hiding this from me. What if she is dangerous?”

Nandor laughed. “Dangerous! My wife is not dangerous. She uses her powers to change the colors of shoes and make fairy lights appear from nowhere and call her broom to her. It’s all parlor tricks.”

The vibe in this place was all wrong and the gnawing feelings in her soul were just too much to handle. Andrakis knew if she didn’t leave now, she would explode, and Lilith would kill her for ruining their semen supply train. Instead, she let out an audible huff and walked over to her dryer and collected the rest of her clothes. She piled them into her basket, not bothering to sort or fold them on the premises. The bouquet of roses lay long forgotten next to the basket.

“Shit.” Nandor said. “Guillermo, if you will excuse me. My wife is throwing a fit because I came to court and she looks like an unkempt horse.

“I can hear you, you know,” she snapped. The clothes were piled high in the basket, and she had to rest the weight on her hip to balance it properly. She could hear Nandor and Guilermo bicker in the background like an old married couple. Andrakis bit her lip to prevent herself from letting words or tears spill forth as she made her exit.

“Wait, where are you going now? You didn’t even fold your clothes. Are you going to let them get all wrinkly? I can have Guillermo fold them while we talk.” 

Guillermo’s mouth fell open. Why would he do that for her? “I don’t think that’s going to work out.” He spat.

Nandor spun around and waved his hand in front of his former familiar’s face, “Hush, married couple only talking.”

By the time the vampire finished his reprimand, his wife had left the building. He turned to see the forgotten flowers on the folding table. Nandor’s face fell for a split second before he steeled himself, snatched the bouquet, and sailed out of the building in pursuit of his wife. She was speed walking down the street, the distance between them growing by the second. Nandor pursued Andrakis at half his vampiric speed and Guillermo pursued Nandor, albeit at a slower pace.

“Come back here!” Nandor yelled. Instead of heeding his call, Andrakis seemed to pick up her pace.

He halted his pursuit, allowing his former familiar to catch up to him. “She’s disobeying me, Guillermo.” 

“Well, what do you expect?” He wanted to say something about this Andrakis herself, but he thought better of it. Instead he went with, “You are being an ass, Nandor.”

Nandor rounded on him. His eyes morphed from a deep gold to a blood red in an instant. “Me? You’re the one who is talking to her with a disrespectful voice and looking at her with disrespectful eyes. 

You don’t even know her and you’re saying she’s going to hurt me. This is why I didn’t want to bring her around the house. Everyone just wants to sit in judgment of her because of her supernatural status. That’s not fair. I know I’m going to have to hear it nonstop from Nadja, but I didn’t think I’d have a problem with you, of all people, Guillermo.”

Guillermo was taken aback at Nandor’s tirade. He’d never seen the vampire take up for any past paramour like he did with her. He swallowed a lump in his throat, “Well, clearly she’s upset. You should leave her be, maybe.” Part of Guillermo believed his own advice and part of him hoped this was the opposite of what she would want.

Nandor grimaced and then closed the distance between him and Andrakis in the blink of an eye, grabbing her by the shoulder.

Guillermo ran to catch up to them.

In an instant, Nandor was pinned to the side of a building, his feet dangling a good foot above the ground.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me like that again, Nandor. You don’t sneak up on someone and grab them. I told you to leave me alone and I was serious. I don’t want to see you tonight. Maybe ever again. You clearly only want to date me on your own terms. And apparently, your friends  _ still _ don’t know about me.” She took a moment to steady herself, but the tears were already spilling onto her cheeks, her voice raw with power and emotion “Well, if they’re all going to be rude just because I’m a witch. . . .Well, I don’t have to take it.” She turned to glare daggers at Guillermo who looked ready to pounce. “I don’t understand that at all considering  _ you _ literally do business with them, but whatever. I don’t have to take this.” She turned back to Nandor, “I have tried to have a relationship with you, I really have. But when I have the nerve to ask you out, you’re always busy fucking around with your housemates. Okay, fine, you want to fuck other people, I don’t care, but don’t lie about it.”

Nandor turned his head back and forth and kicked his feet in a futile effort to free himself from her supernatural hold. “I’m not fucking my housemates. At least I haven’t done that in a while. You can ask them.”

“Oh, so you’ll take me back to your place right now so I can meet Nadja and Laszlo? I’m sure they will be just thrilled,” she said.

“Oh?” he paused, “Well, you see.”

She shook her head and dropped her arm. Nandor hit the ground with a loud thud as she walked off. “It’s not even worth it.” She said quietly as she slinked away. “Don’t fucking follow me or the Vampiric Council will be the least of your worries!” She yelled, trying to hide the stutter in her voice as the tears flowed unbidden from her eyes.

Guillermo stood stupefied for a moment. When he came back to reality, he ran up to Nandor. “Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”

Nandor dusted himself off and looked toward his wife, her figure getting smaller with each passing moment. “No, she just used a spell to bind me to the wall. It didn’t hurt. I’m okay, really.” He took in some unneeded breaths and hoped that Guillermo did not notice the tent in his trousers.

Guillermo put a hand on Nandor’s shoulder. “Is she normally this upset with you? How long have you two been going out anyway?” Was it sad that he cared more about the latter than the former? He shook that thought away. He was just looking out for Nandor’s well-being.

The vampire pulled away, wiping the spot with his hand. “Excuse me, but part of her tirade was very clearly aimed at you and your judgmental behavior. Why do you even care if she’s a witch? So what? She could be a vampire or a werewolf for all I care, she’s still my wife and I love her no matter what.”

Guillermo felt a stinging feeling fill his heart, like a thousand bees puncturing the precious flesh. “I’m sorry, Nandor, I guess I’m just-” He hesitated but then let the words hang there.

Nandor filled the awkward silence by explaining the whole backstory to Guillermo: The market, the search, the fast courting, and the two dates.

He let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with her. I love her so much, but-”

Guillermo perked up. “But what?”

“Her being a witch . . .maybe it gives me pause. Just a little bit. What will Nadja and Laszlo think?” His face was soft and his eyes were on the brink of tears.

“Clearly you didn’t care what I thought, so why do you care what they will think?” His words came out more bitter than he intended.

Nandor chose to ignore Guillermo’s tone. “Well, they’re very vocal about things. Complainings and what not. More vocal than you for sure.”

Guillermo’s voice was more earnest this time. “Who cares what they think though. They’re idiots. If you want to be happy, and she makes you happy, then go after her.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“But she said not to follow her.” Nandor slumped down.

Guillermo tentatively pat him on his shoulder. He smiled when Nandor didn’t immediately pull away this time. “Well, maybe give her some space and then contact her again.”

“Or I could just go up to her apartment right now.”

Guillermo rolled his eyes and frowned. By the time they made a full revolution, Nandor was gone.

* * *

Nandor tried buzzing for her, but no answer came from the little box outside her building’s entrance. He pulled out the phone and sent her a quick text, foregoing his usual salutations. It stayed on 

_ Delivered _ for ten minutes. His patience was growing thin by the time he decided to call her. It went straight to her voice messaging mailbox. 

Having exhausted all mortal means, Nandor turned to supernatural ones. He centered himself and focused on her energies and forces in the ether. He was hit with a sudden wave of sadness. It washed over him slowly, filling him with a creeping sense of dread and angst. He focused as the energy radiated through him. The point of origin was coming from above him, higher than her apartment window. He went to the alley and floated up to the roof to see Andrakis sitting in a chair, head buried in hands.

He made move to cradle her, bouquet of roses clutched in one hand, a little worse for wear. As soon as reached out, he remembered the words she had uttered not ten minutes ago. “Andrakis, it is me. 

Nandor, your husband. I am sorry for following you. Please don’t kill me. You may torture me with painful instruments later, but for now I just want to say I am sorry and perhaps, cradle you in my arms like I used to do when you were having a sad time.”

She looked up at him, eyes watery and rimmed red. Her voice sounded hoarse and nasally as she spoke, “You do know that all the times I was crying back then were because you had hurt my feelings, right?”

“Yes, I am aware. I was a source of sorrow and solace. I’m not a perfect being like the Dream Team. I am only one man. A cool and vampire man, but still a man.”

She let out a little laugh at that.

“Can we go back to your place and talk?” he asked, holding out his hand for hers.

She wiped her eyes. “I guess, but no funny business.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He said with a smile.

They made their way back to her apartment and she led him to the couch. He set the flowers down and cradled her in his arms, saying sorry for being so rude as she cried and expressed how hurt she had been by the past half hour or so in particular and the past few weeks in general.

“I promise I have not been with my roommates in an intimate fashion for a long time. At least a year. I don’t really have a lot of desires to do those kinds of things just because, you know.” He stated as he rubbed soothing circles onto her back.

She looked up at him.“You don’t?” Her face went on a journey of puzzlement. “But the Nandor I knew was having sex every night. Sometimes twice. Not to mention the morning and midday romps.”

He pulled his wife closer. “Well, that Nandor is dead. Has been for centuries,” he said softly. “This is who I am now. Sure, sex is fun sometimes, at an orgy maybe. But it’s also so boring, you know. I’ve done everything there is to do in that regard. I mainly bring new partners to my crypt more for their needs than mine.”

“Well, I guess that is pretty apt. I mean, I go through pretty long periods where I don’t really care for it either. Mortal partners are very eager though, so there is some novelty with them. But immortal ones, it’s kind of boring sometimes. I miss the intimacy more than anything. Immortals just want to fuck and be kinky.”

“Right.” He grinned. “It’s like, oh, wow, you bit my penis. How very novel of you. I was having my penis bitten by men more handsome and virile than you when I was in my 30s.”

“You let men bite you?” she laughed.

“Sometimes a nibble was kind of nice.” His grin broadened.

“You always told me to be careful with my teeth.”

“I did like to compartmentalize parts of my life, as you know. While you were the one I let cross boundaries, so many boundaries, I didn’t let you cross them all.” He paused, idly playing with her hair she had let down. “You know, you’re still the only wife I ever went up the forbidden road with.”

“Oh, wow.” She blinked, not sure what to say.

“You’re the only one I let dominate me as well.” He raised his brows at her, “As best that you could with your tiny frame.” He added.

“Okay, but to back it up to something you said early. If you haven’t been fucking your roommates, then why did you not want to go out on more dates? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head. “I was genuinely helping them with tasks. You asked on such short notice, I didn’t want to break my promises to them.”

“So helping with the lawn and garden weren’t sexual references?”

He grimaced. “What? How would you get sexual references from that?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Because tending to one’s garden is a sexual code phrase.”

“Is it? Well, that is news to me. Nadja was needing help with this bonsai tree Laszlo got her. And earlier Laszlo needed help with his topiary sculptures.”

Her lips scrunched up into a small round shape as she pondered his words. “Oh, we were all certain you were banging it out with them.”

Nandor raised a brow. “Who is this we?”

“The coven. I showed them the messages because it made me really upset to be rejected not once, not twice, but thrice.” She raised a finger as she counted off each rejection.

“Well, I’m sorry about that. I really didn’t mean to put you off or to just presume you were wanting to go on a random date. I thought it would be romantic to surprise you.”

“I mean, I guess the surprise is kind of nice, even if you brought me the most basic flowers.”

“What’s wrong with the roses? They’re the symbol of love.”

She picked up the bouquet and walked it to the kitchen. “They’re not even in my top five favorite flowers.” Andrakis pulled out a vase from a cupboard and filled it with water. The roses looked a little wilted by this point, but a wave of her hand had them back to their full glory.

He felt a tight constriction in his chest. “Well, there were so many of you and just one of me. Forgive me for not recalling the exact cultivar of your favorite blossom. It will come back to me though.”

She joined him back on the couch and took his face in her hands. “I’m not worried about that. I do think it’s sweet. It’s the thought that counts. I’m just sorry I look like a total disaster right now.”

“I think you look rather cute. Maybe we don’t have to go out, we can just stay in.” He grinned, taking her hand into his and kissing it.

She let out a little giggle. “I am okay with this. Just a little at home date between husband and wife.”

He rubbed circles into the back of her hand. “But I think we need to fold your laundry first. You have it all piled in the basket. You’re going to get wrinkles. Then your familiars will need to iron them.”

He got up and grabbed her basket and began taking out clothes and folding them for her.

“Some of those are hanging up clothes,” she said. With a wave of her hand, the basket was cleared; clothes flew into her room, presumably to be put away.

“Very impressive.” He said with a nod.

“So, now those chores are done. And all with my  _ little _ powers.” She smirked.

“Yes, indeed.” He thought for a moment. “Oh, I’m sorry for making light of your abilities. I really had no idea that you were so powerful.” He raised his brow at her, his voice a low pur.

“And I can sense that maybe my display of powers had an effect on you.” She grinned.

“Oh yes,” his eyes lit up, glowing gold.

“I’m sorry I pinned you. I was just really incensed and kind of scared. I mean, you’ve always been able to overpower all of us, but you never used your strength to hurt us. But sometimes I wonder if you know your strength as a vampire. You did hurt my shoulder before. I panicked.”

Nandor’s face fell, gently caressing her shoulder. “I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt my loves unless we were playing around.”

“Well, I guess maybe I needed you to know that I can defend myself.” She smiled. “Also, laundry is not a perilous task. Who made you think it was a life and death situation?”

“Colin Robinson said it was a very scary thing that was filled with perils.”

“That makes so much sense,” she said. “But I’m fine. I do my laundry all the time and I’ve yet to encounter a peril I couldn’t handle.”

“Good.” He said with a nod.

Andrakis leaned her head on his shoulder. They let the air hang between them, the only sound in the apartment being Stevie and Nyx playing with a feather toy.

His wife broke the silence. “So, what about Guillermo? Is he going to be okay with us?” she asked.

He felt a souring in his stomach as if he had consumed stagnant blood. “Well, I kind of put him in his place just now, so we’ll see. I think he’s just jealous, to be honest. I mean, wouldn’t you be?”

“If I couldn’t have you? Well, yeah.” She giggled.

Nandor’s brow furrowed. “No, I was meaning he’s jealous that  _ I _ get to have  _ you _ . He probably saw you and thought, yes, she is the one who will bear the burden of bearing me a son and then he finds out you’re 750 years old and probably not capable of having more children.”

Andrakis eyed him. “I have big doubts  _ that _ was going through his mind at all. But if that makes it easier for you to digest, believe what you want. I just don’t know if I can take his rejection when the rest of the coven would be more than happy to bear all the sons he could wish for.” She sighed.

“Well, don’t worry about him. He’ll come around. Maybe an outing together will soften his supposed ire. You could bring Lilith too. She’ll tell him how great you are.”

“Yeah, sure, we can all go out some place soon.”

For the second time in an hour they let the silence hang there. This time it was the quiet comfort of a couple enjoying each other’s company.

Nandor broke the silence this time. “So” he began, twiddling his thumbs, “would you be willing to pin me against the wall again?”

She raised a brow. “You want me to render you unable to control your limbs?”

“Yes,” he grinned, eyes glowing golden. “I want you to pin me down and take me as your conquered captive.”

“Nandor, that is very kinky for a third date.” She smiled. “What if I just want to be gently fucked up against the door?”

He grinned, the golden glow holding steady. “Oh, there is no gently fucking up against a door, my dear. If I’m pinning you to the door, I’m going to pound you hard.”

“Please do.” She said, her own eyes alight with glee.

He raised his brow at her. “Are you serious?”

“I didn’t stutter.” She said, jumping up and running to the bedroom.

He misted into a vapor and re-materialized behind her, wrapping his arms around her. She looked back and winked. He winked back, a goofy grin plastered to his face. She concentrated and he slammed against the wall, hitting it with a loud thud. The plaster cracked beneath him.

“Nandor, what did I tell you, you naughty, naughty vampire, about sneaking up on me?” She cooed, running her hand up his chest. Her other hand grabbed his chin and pulled it down.

“My Andrakis, listen to me. Let me go now and I will show mercy on you. If you don’t, then there will be hell to pay.”

“Funny you should say that since I have you pinned to the wall and you cannot even move nary a toe to defend yourself.”

“Well, that sounds like a personal problem. If you want me to fuck you with my impressive penis, you’re going to have to let me go.”

“I mean, could just magic your trousers down and just climb on top of him.”

“I would love to see you try.” He smirked, licking his lips in anticipation.

And before he knew it, his pants were around his ankles.

She made a letter T with her hands and said in a normal speaking voice, “Do you really want me to fuck you like this? I don’t know if the angle will work well.”

“Well, if you let me go, maybe I can press you up against the wall and we can fuck around that way.”

She relented, and he fell to the ground. He made quick work of taking off his boots and kicking off his trousers before quickly divesting Andrakis of her shorts and panties.

Neither husband nor wife disrobed above the waistline. Nandor hoisted her onto his penis and she fell easily on him. It was like no time had passed between now and their last encounter together. Her velvety walls enveloped him in a warm embrace.

“Wow, I see I am having an effect on you.” He grinned as he slid in and out of her easily, her wetness growing with each stroke.

“Oh yeah, it doesn’t take much for me to get ready.”

He grinned and began to thrust hard, pressing her up against the door. The heat in his core was wound tight as he concentrated on her pleasure, angling his hips up to hit her spot.

She wrapped her legs around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck, panting his name in breathless moans.

He kept up a frenetic pace as he pounded into her. The only sounds in the room were her throaty murmurs and skin slapping as he pumped in and out of her.

He leaned to her ear, grazing the shell with a bit of his fang and his tongue. “When I’m done with you, you will be forever ruined for a mortal man’s touch. Sure, they can make you come, but, well, let’s just say you will come crawling back and begging for the Relentless Experience.”

She shuddered, throwing her head backward, eyes rolling behind her head as she came hard.

He grinned as her walls contracted on him, sending thrilling sensations through his core, the coil heating up and tightening further. He was nowhere near close to coming yet.

“It’s going to be one of those evenings?” she asked, out of breath.

His grin widened. “Oh, you have no clue what’s about to happen. Remember how I would tease you with not being able to walk, think, or do anything straight? I am very capable of making that happen now.” He growled, biting her lobe. “I’m thinking we can move to your bed and disrobe a bit more. It will be more fun and give me more access to your body.” He didn’t pause his thrusting at all.

“I’m game.” She said, making quick work of his buttons and snaps on his vest and shirt.

He made quick work of her shirt and bra before they toppled on the bed and became tangled in her bedclothes.

For a 758 year old being, it was like those centuries hadn’t phased him physically. He lived up to his moniker, keeping up a brutal pace as he thrust in and out of her, pleasurable sensations washing over her. He wasn’t messing around. All his normal seduction protocols were out the window. They just fucked wild and rabid like a couple of feral beasts. She came beneath him, on top of him, lying on her side, and everything in between.

“Okay, back in the day you would have come at least once by now.” She panted as she recovered from yet another orgasm.

“Oh, I know.” A grin spread across his face. “Vampire stamina is a marvelous thing. I can go for so much longer now. You tell me when you’ve had enough, and I’ll come for you. Also, if you want me to make you come with something other than my penis,I can make it happen.”

“I don’t know if I can take much more, as much as I’d love to be eaten out by you or even fingered.” As soon as she mentioned fingers, he reached around and played with her, sending her into overdrive again. “Do we need to get a jar for Guillermo’s ventures?” she moaned.

Nandor shrugged. “He can miss one collection. I want you to feel what it’s like to have a powerful vampire fill you.”

She grinned. “Who says I’ve never had sex with a vampire?”

“What?” he said, slowing just a bit.

“I’m joking.” She slapped playfully.

They continued to fuck the night through until Andrakis didn’t think she would be able to walk straight tomorrow. She contemplated calling in sick.

Nandor, having fully satisfied his wife, finally allowed himself to come, the pent-up seed quickly filling her up and then spilling out onto her sheets.

“Cripes that’s a lot.” she yelped.

“Oh yeah, we have a lot of seed, but it’s pretty useless for mortal purposes. I would have had no trouble impregnating you all if I had this much seed to give back in Al Quolanudar.

“It’s not like that was a problem to begin with though,” she said.

He thought about that but decided to move the conversation back to sex. Nandor pulled Andrakis’s so that she was facing him, not an inch of space separating them. He looked deep into her eyes, running a hand down her face. “Next time, though. I am going to show you some really remarkable things that only a vampire can provide you. Your mind will be blown as I take you to the ultimate heights of pleasure and connection.”

Andrakis sat up on her elbows. “What’s stopping you from taking me there now?”

He leaned over her. “Once I come, I’m pretty much done for the evening.” He sealed it with a kiss. Once they broke it, he raised his brow to her. “But next time, I promise. Your world will be changed.”

“I look forward to it,” she smiled, kissing him again.

They cuddled in bed, Andrakis thoroughly soaked in sweat and Nandor feeling temperate because of her effect on him. They lay there in the afterglow, hands intertwined. An errant scratch at the door could be heard, surely her familiars wanting to come in and interrupt the fun.

His wife leaned over, running her hand through the hairs on his chest. “You know, the last time we had sex was the last time I ever got pregnant.”

“Oh?” he said, looking over at her.

“Yeah, I remember it very clearly. It wasn’t even my turn in the rotation. You came and collected me after dinner and I had settled the boys down for the evening. You said you needed something special to help you prepare for the impending battles. It’s not like we did anything out of the ordinary, but I guess maybe just it being me was what you thought you needed. The next day you went off to war and when you came back, you had changed.”

Nandor sat up, pulling her to his embrace. “Were we trying to make another baby together, perhaps?” he asked. 

“No, not really. I had been wanting another one, a girl, for a while. Your mother probably wasn’t too happy though. She wanted you to stop impregnating me after our first baby. But you had a tacit stance that you would sleep with your wives no matter how she felt and if babies were the result, so be it.”

He thought for a moment, basking in the afterglow of their post coital bliss. “I vaguely remember fighting with my mother about things like this, not just with you, but with a few of the other wives. They must have been the others to have sons after you, right?” 

She nodded.

He sighed, “But the time involving my turning. This part of my life is a huge blank spot. It makes me sad that I cannot remember for your sake. You seem to know a lot about our children and such while I can barely even remember any of their names.” He hugged her closer to him, looking her in the eyes. “Do you still keep in touch with them, or I guess their children’s children’s children.”

She smiled weakly. “That’s a complicated topic.”

“Well, if you’re not ready to speak to it, I guess I can wait. I just want to remember  _ me _ knowing you had a baby in your womb and our last days together.”

She turned, “Honestly, it’s a little fuzzy for me too. I can’t remember it all. Just flashes.”

“We could take some Lumosity to help us remember.” He said it with all seriousness.

She laughed. “Nandor, do you mean the app?”

“Oh, right. But maybe there is an herb or an elixir we can imbibe to help our memory?”

“Perhaps we could. But we have to be prepared for answers we might not like.” Her face was a mask of worry.

“I am prepared. Nothing I could learn could change how I feel about you.”

They hugged which led to a kiss. This kiss led to more kissing, which blossomed into a full on makeout session. She looked down at Nandor and saw that he was hard and ready again. “I thought you said you could only go once. Do you need help with that?”

“Andrakis two times in one night sex only.” He grinned. “I could use a little help, yes, maybe something more gentle. As long as you don’t mind a more mortal approach. I’m not prepared to do the rocking of your world like I really want to.”

She smiled, curling her finger in a beckoning motion. He licked his lips and pounced on her.

Before he penetrated her, Nandor went down on her properly, tongue on her clit and fingers inside her. He relished in the taste of her, especially since he had so thoroughly filled her earlier. Nandor could tell by her sweet moans how much she enjoyed being lapped up. She instinctually wrapped her legs around him, grabbing fistfuls of his hair in her hands. Andrakis shuddered beneath him, her release gushing forth as she cried out his name. He pulled up, his beard glistening. The vampire made her way up her body, planting kisses and bites along her torso, breasts, and neck until he crushed her lips in a kiss. They intertwined again, taking it slow with lots of kisses and throaty moans from both parties. He would relent on the kissing to let her breathe, but would envelope her mouth immediately after she had time to recover. The slow pace allowed him to stroke her spots in a sweet torture that had her begging to come. The coiled heat in his loins was ready to fire off at a moment's notice. This time Andrakis and Nandor came together, her clenching hard as his seed filled her up once more.

They were covered in sweat and other fluids, but that didn’t stop them from cuddling and basking in the afterglow.

“I guess I need to clean up and I think I’m going to call into work tomorrow. Do you want to spend the day here or should I escort you home?”

“As much as I’d love to stay, I didn’t plan on staying out and I’m ill prepared for it. But, I wouldn’t mind you walking me home,” he said.

They got cleaned up, showering together. They washed each other’s bodies and hair. Nandor took great pleasure in massaging Andrakis’s scalp. This was just one of the little things he had learned over the centuries. He wasn’t sure how long he could wait to show her everything else.

Once dressed, she flew Nandor back to his place on her broom. The cool night air was a welcome feeling on her skin after being so thoroughly flushed by Nandor’s affection and the shower.

They landed about a block away from the house so as not to attract attention. She hid her broom and walked Nandor up to his front door.

He smiled. “My housemates are spying on us. I can sense Guillermo and Colin. Nadja and Laszlo are probably not far behind.” 

“I mean, you could invite me in if you wanted. I already called in,” she smiled.

His face fell. “Not just yet, okay. I don’t want Guillermo to have a fit and be rude to you again and then the others join in.” He was starting to care less of what they thought and was more worried about losing respect for them all. It’s not like any of them were free from complicated relations. 

Nandor saw that the mail had not been retrieved and opened it, looking at the letters. A fancy invite stood out. It was addressed to the entire household. Well, the supernatural members of the house.

He eyed the invite thoroughly, looking for signs and sigils that would spell out danger. “Andrakis, this invitation, it is not a ruse, correct?” he asked, holding it out for her inspection.

She took it and looked at it closely. “Correct, it’s the Five Boroughs Supernatural Ball. That’s the one where all the supernatural communities get together and celebrate surviving another year with the humans. New community members are welcomed into the fold as well. I got an invite too, actually.”

“Well, would you do me the honor of being my date to this gathering?” he took her hand into his and kissed it.

She smiled. “I would love to.”

“Then it is settled. I will escort you and be your dance partner and we can form our own little power alliance,” he grinned.

“And maybe you’ll tell the rest of your roommates I exist finally. I’ll probably see them there, so you know, might want to warn them about my nature too. I’m sure they’ll be wondering who you were talking to on the lawn for so long.” She waved bye and walked two blocks away before getting on her broom and flying back to her place.

Nandor pondered her words and then tucked the invite into his robes. He carried in the rest of the mail in his hand. What the rest of the household didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

“I guess you two made up?” Guillermo asked as he pretended to dust a painting in the hallway.

“Oh, very much.” Nandor grinned. “But I believe the four of us, that’s me, you, her, and Lilith will be having a meeting of sorts to work out your issues. I’ll let you know when to prepare for it, he scolded.

Guillermo frowned. Just great. A meeting with Nandor and his girlfriend/wife. He thought for another moment. At least she was a good tipper. Most vampires who used the VVaiter app didn’t even bother. Witch use was pretty rare, so he had little frame of reference for her generosity.

Nadja pushed her way past the former familiar, almost knocking him over. “You stupid bloody donkey, we wanted to meet her, but Gizmo wouldn’t let us go outside.”

“Fucking rude as hell if you ask me.” Laszlo said, also pushing past. 

“Well, you can meet her later. She had to go back home and tend to her garden.” Nandor said, walking back to his room without looking back.

“I’ll say old chap, looks like you may have been doing some garden tending of your own. Don’t blame you, Nandor. She looked like an absolute minx, right my good lady?”

“It is true. I would love to tend her gardens for her. You wouldn't mind that, right, Nandor?” Nadja took in a big whiff. “You smell very, very strongly of passionate, animalistic sex. You showed her a good time, huh, big boy?” She took in another whiff. “And you tried to cover up the passionate love making with human body cleansers. That was just dumb, you stupid turkey. Sex scents are much better than whatever cloying sweetness that is supposed to be.” Nadja said.

“You’re just jealous.” He said. “And it’s a candy floss scent. I think it’s very sexy,” he raised a brow at her and then spun on his heels. With that, Nandor retired to his crypt and dreamed of all the ways he would woo his wife in the coming weeks to show her he truly did love her and not just as an easy, reliable lay.

Now that Nadja and Laszlo had seen her at least, and thought she was attractive, maybe the rest would be an easy enough sell. Maybe he had been overthinking the whole thing. If Guillermo was the problem, the one who had a deep, unnecessary ire toward his wife, then Nadja and Laszlo couldn’t be the ones with a problem as well. Maybe they would hear she was Nandor’s wife and just not care at all about her being a witch. Maybe he was worried for nothing and should just be truthful.

Or maybe he was right and it was just much worse than he thought. He should have known something was up when Colin Robinson was so supportive. 

Nandor shook those thoughts away and decided not to worry about that until later. Andrakis’s happiness was his primary concern right now. He just wanted to wait for the right time to reveal the whole truth to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


	11. The Past: The Incident in Tabriz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor and Andrakis arrive in Tabriz for a short rest and respite on their journey to Al Quolanduar. Things start off just like any other day until some totally not handsome man tries to take Andrakis away from Nandor. Not one to dwell too long on such things, husband and wife work out their feelings once again in the boudoir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks as always to FoggyJam for beta reading this for me and being my general sounding board for this story. The flower choice in the chapter was all them. I'm am forever in your debt.

The trip from Rize to Tabriz had been quite uneventful. Andrakis had taken to her steed quite well and the group was not slowed down by her accompaniment as Nandor had initially feared. Andrakis, of course, thought that his fears were totally unfounded, but he would not admit that she had been right. He was enjoying the extended period of mutual joviality between them and didn’t want to risk her getting into a mood again. Then he’d be left in the lurch when it came to bed-chamber companions. Again.  


He had threatened to go find others before, but it was a completely empty proposition to encourage Andrakis to shift her attitude. Much easier to get your wife to bend to your whim than to trust a brothel proprietor’s or a strange maiden’s word that the sex about to be had was with a bona fide virgin. One had to keep a wide berth from well sampled companions, after all. If they hung around and became a concubine, you could never ensure their first child was yours, and well, they might give you something else to deal with too. Something much more painful than the shame of false paternity. 

There was always Rahim to turn to, that is, if he were more subtle about it. The man had been positively awkward after their last encounter. Sure, Andrakis had caught them in a precarious position, but that didn’t mean he had to act like a complete wreck around her either. She was a big girl and fully aware that her husband had eyes for more than just her. But it was probably best if he didn’t bring Rahim back into his bed just yet. It was to Nandor’s benefit to keep Andrakis happy, even if it were more for his own pleasure and happiness than her own. 

Tabriz was home to another one of Nandor’s strongholds, and they would be staying for a few weeks to let some bad weather down south pass. This time of year always brought more treacherous conditions, and it wasn’t worth powering through them to just end up at home around the same time with considerably less supplies among other things. A little break would be good for everyone. A chance to rest and recuperate.

Andrakis was feeling quite energetic on their first morning in the stronghold. In fact, it was the first time in weeks she had felt like her old self again. The ocean voyage had left her exhausted and ill most of the trip. It was nice to wake up and not want to immediately fall back asleep or throw up. 

She awoke earlier than everyone on the compound, in fact. On their way through town, they had passed a lovely little marketplace that Andrakis had begged Nandor to stop at.

“Come on, it looks like they have a lot of lovely little sundries to peruse,” she whined, grabbing at his sleeve as their steeds trailed behind them. 

“No, I said we could go to the market later. For now, we must push forward and settle in at the compound.” Nandor said his piece without looking at her.

Since she was up all by herself, Andrakis decided now would be the perfect time to go there to procure some items for a nice breakfast for both her and Nandor. Nandor’s previous admonishments about going places alone tugged at the back of her mind, but she shook them off. He was just being typically male and typically Eastern about those things. She would be fine at the market alone. Other women were there too, so Andrakis didn’t see the problem.

Carefully and quietly, she prepared for her outing, choosing a simple gown. It was quite easy to slip away at the early dawn hours since Andrakis had her own quarters here. Nandor had insisted she stay apart from him.

“It’s just so that the advisors feel better about us. They’re getting nervous about me taking you into my chambers.” He gave a wink and then topped it with a kiss on her forehead.

“But you have been taking  _ me  _ into your chambers. And the bushes. And that riverside that one time.” A faint blush painted her cheeks at the thought of all of their encounters. Her mother had never told her that married life would be filled with such ecstasy.

Nandor grabbed her and covered her mouth. “Shh, don’t say it loud. It’s supposed to be a secret.”

She quirked a brow at him. “I don’t think it’s a very well kept secret, Nandor. You keep bragging about how you’re so careful to avoid _plowing my fields_.”

“I am very careful,” he said, smoothing his hands over her torso. “See, no big bump to let me know there is a baby in there.”

“That’s not the point,” she said with a laugh. “It’s fine if you want to sleep by yourself. I mean, I’m used to it.”

“As long as it won’t make you too sad, my little lamb.” Nandor took her face into his hands, thumbing away non-existent tears.

“I’ll be fine,” she smiled.

He smiled back, running a hand down the side of her face. “That’s a good, little lamb,” he purred.

And so it was settled. Man had one chamber to himself. Wife had another to herself. It’s not like it hadn’t been that way on the ship, so Andrakis wasn’t sure why Nandor was so hung up on it now.

Andrakis tiptoed down the hall and slinked right out the front gates and to the village proper. She felt so alive surrounded by the scents and sounds of the marketplace: the warm, rich smell of fresh baked bread; the soft, gentle clucking of chickens; the shrill, cacophonous calling of vendors. It was all so lovely.

The morning sun shined bright, and she had a lovely time going from stall to stall to procure everything she needed. It was fun to negotiate with the vendors, who all seemed quite surprised that this young woman with skin color closer to cardamon than caraway spoke their language as well as they did. Andrakis had always felt like an outsider at home, being so much darker than everyone around her. Now she was about two shades lighter than everyone here, and she felt even more foreign. But once they learned which household to deliver the goods, the ones she could not reasonably carry home with her, she gained instant respect. Even though this wasn’t Al Quolanudar proper, Nandor’s name carried a lot of weight here.

Andrakis had almost all of the ingredients for a proper breakfast after about an hour of perusing the market. She decided to dilly-dally a little longer to look at some flowers from one of the vendors.

One blossom in particular caught her attention. It was not the right season for a Crocus gilanicus to be in bloom, yet here it was in all its glory. The lilac-purple petals contrasted well with the golden-yellow throat. Andrakis took in a big whiff, and a pleasant and dreamy smile plastered her face. She was about to negotiate the price for a bundle when she felt something on her shoulder.

She turned her attention to the shoulder tapper and was met with the barrel chest of a strange man. Her eyes shifted up and were met with dark brown ones boring into hers with a lusty gaze. The man was at least a foot taller than her which meant he was about half a foot taller than Nandor. He was quite likely the tallest man in the whole world.

Andrakis just blinked up at him and then turned her attention back to the flower vendor before her attention was literally pulled back to him.

“Aren’t you a sweet little fawn,” he cooed. “And your skin is so light and so are your eyes, I bet you don’t even have a clue what I’m saying, pretty little foreign lady.”

She eyed him incredulously, unsure how to respond. If she played into the man’s assumption, he would probably keep trying to seduce her. If she crushed his assumption, he might find her even more alluring. Even worse, he might be upset that she challenged him and who knows what would happen then.  


Andrakis just stared at him, mouth agape. His eyes were as dark as Nandor’s but his gaze smoldered in a more sinister manner. The man’s skin was a shade darker as if the sun had baked him to a golden bronze. He was as swarthy as her husband from what she could tell of his exposed arms and the swath of chest hair peeking from his robes. His locks were dark, luscious, long and curly versus Nandor’s light waves. She did have to admit he was handsome, at least. 

Apparently Andrakis had taken too long to answer his question. “No, I don’t think you quite understood what I said, sweet little one. And you have quite the bounty in your basket, I see. You would make a lovely addition to my harem.”

The look on her face morphed from confusion to surprise. Before she could respond he said, “Oh, so maybe you do understand just a little bit of what I’m saying, my sweet one. You want to come back to my house and be one of my many well-cared for wives?” His voice morphed from a sweet, almost childlike tone to one laden with lust, “It would be very worth your while,” he traced a finger down her face, lingering on her lips. “I will make you a mother within a fortnight.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled away from his touch. Why were men so obsessed with her reproductive capabilities? “No thanks,” she said. “I’m already married.” Andrakis smiled and turned away, but yet again, she was turned without her consent.

He seemed taken aback. “Oh, you’re married? Your behavior with me just now didn’t preclude you to be married. You don’t have the look of a married woman either. Your hair is uncovered and I don’t see your husband anywhere.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and kneeled down real close. “I think you need to come with me. . .for your safety.” 

“I don’t think so, sir. I’m very happily married to my husband. He’s a good provider and I have no interest in joining some other harem. Perhaps you have heard of him, his name is-” she said, trying to step away, but was cut off by the strange man.

“You don’t really have a choice in this, my precious one.” His tone was oily, his eyes hooded as he spoke. “You’re coming with-” All of a sudden he stood ramrod straight, his pupils constricting to tiny pinpoints.

“You will take your disgusting hand off of the lady this instance.” Nandor’s voice boomed from behind.

The man dropped his hand from Andrakis and turned to glare at Nandor. “This is between a husband and a wife, little man, go away.” He punctuated it with a shooing of his hands toward the seething man before him.

Nandor stood up to his full height, getting his face as close to the other man’s as he could, a fire in his eyes. “You must be both blind and dumb because that woman is  _ my _ wife.”

Andrakis took this opportunity to run and stand beside Nandor.

“Well, you should watch her a little more closely. Clearly, she doesn’t look very married. Nor does she behave in such a way. She was practically begging me to take her and make her a mother.”

Andrakis frowned. “That is a lie. I never wanted to go with him, Nandor. He’s not even that handsome.”

Nandor looked at his wife, his eyes in unspoken agreement with her. He turned back to the interloper, a haughty grin spreading on Nandor's face. “You are a very stupid little man.” He said to a man clearly taller than him. “I am Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands, Undying Warrior who has twice turned the Euphrates itself red with the blood of the fallen. You have sullied my property, and now you shall pay the price.”

The man turned ghostly pale as Nandor uttered his name and his resume.

“Oh, Nandor the Relentless, I’m so sorry, sire. How was I supposed to know this foreign looking woman was a wife of yours. I’m so sorry. Please, have mercy on me.” The man fell to his knees, hands cradled in prayer.

“Your groveling will not earn you any mercy from me. You touched  _ my _ wife; I shall take  _ your _ hand.”

The man continued to whimper as he was dragged to his destiny by his robes. Nandor foisted a heavy arm onto the table of a random vendor, raised his scimitar high, the metal glinting in the sunlight, and in one fell swoop brought it down. In a clean slice, the man’s hand fell to the ground. A stream of blood spurted onto Nandor and Andrakis.

“Now,” Nandor pulled out a cloth and cleaned his blade before sheathing it, “it’s time for us to return to the stronghold, dear. Very naughty of you to get separated from me.”

She furrowed her brow and then realized what he meant. “Well, I needed to finish getting my flowers. I was interrupted by this man.”

“Of course, my dear. Anything for you.”

They walked back to the vendor and she pointed to the flower she wanted, the Crocus gilanicus.

Nandor smiled. “Oh, that is quite a lovely one. A lovely flower for a lovely wife.”

She blushed. “I don’t know how this one is here so early in the year.” 

The woman in the flower stall grinned, the sun giving her eyes an ethereal amber glow. “The earth, she holds many secrets. If you tap into them, it can be very revealing.”

Andrakis was about to ask what she meant, but Nandor cut her off, “Just the flowers, please,” he said, looking at his hands. “I’m not paying you for chatting.”

The women let out a small grump and gathered the blooms. She handed them to Andrakis, but Nandor snatched them first to present to his wife. “The most beautiful flower for the most beautiful wife.”

A crimson flush spread on her face as he shoved the bouquet into her hands. As they walked out of the market, she turned her back to see the woman staring at them, a look of pity painted on her face. The amber glow persisted despite the cloud cover against the sun. Andrakis halted briefly before turning back to catch up with Nandor’s relentless pace. A creeping feeling crawled up her spine, compelling her to turn back. The little flower stall and the women had vanished into thin air. Andrakis shook the feeling out, clutching the flowers to her chest as she ran to join Nandor’s side. 

Once they were out of earshot of the market, Nandor’s tone changed. “I told you it was too dangerous for you to go to places alone, especially now that we are in the East. I told you that people will think you are available for purchase. And look what happened. A man tried to buy you. What would have happened if I hadn’t noticed you were gone?"

“I could have handled it,” she said, rolling her eyes.  


Nandor rounded on her, pointing a finger in her face. His eyes widened and his pupils narrowed. “He was bigger than me. Please enlighten me on how you were going to fight him off?”

She stammered, looking away. “Um, well, I don’t-”

Nandor turned her to look him in the eye. “He was going to steal you away from me and then what would happen?” He emphasized his point by jabbing his finger repeatedly on her breastbone.

Andrakis blinked in response, her mind rendered dumb by the realization that she was so small compared to that man.

“You would be having some other man’s child and not with your rightful husband and then I would be sad because another man stole my wife.” He emphasized this point by cradling her midsection as if to say only Nandor’s babies were allowed to live there.

Once she found her voice again, she asked, “You would be sad if I were taken away?” 

He furrowed his brow. “Of course I would be sad, I love you, my sweet little lamb.”

She grinned at that, the smile overtaking her face.

“What are you smiling at?” Nandor’s face morphed into an incredulous mask. “You’re not thinking of leaving me are you?” He put both his hands on her shoulders, touching her forehead with his. His voice was real low and smooth as he spoke, “If you do, I will have to go back and kill everyone in your village.”

Andrakis frowned at the threat against her village. “It’s not that.” She turned away, suddenly feeling shy.

“Well, if you are planning to leave, it’s certainly not with that man. I cut off his dominant hand. His wives are going to be very sad about that.” He raised his brow and grinned.

She turned back, “Is everything about sex with you?”

“No, of course not,” he scoffed.

“Okay, then-“

“A lot of it is also about battles.” He held himself in a powerful stance, arms on his hips, head held high.

She frowned.

They walked back to the stronghold in silence for a few minutes. Nandor broke it with a question, “So, what was so important to get from the market without me on your little excursion that almost got you abducted?” he tried to look into her basket.

She shielded her purchases, “I was just getting some things for breakfast, I thought-“

“I’ve already eaten my morning meal,” he said as they entered the gates of the stronghold. He turned to the stables, leaving her trailing behind him.

She ran to catch up to him. “Well, I could maybe have it made for lunch or dinner,” she said out of breath.

He turned to look at her. “Sure, if that’s what you want,” he shrugged before walking further away.

“What are you doing now?” she asked.

“I’m tending to our horses. I’ll be back later for lunch. Go, busy yourself with womanly chores.” He shooed her away with a limp-wristed maneuver.

Her face fell and she turned to go away, shoulders slumped, a dark cloud hovering over her as she slowly disappeared from view.

Nadnor stared as she made her way back and uttered a silent “Shit” to himself. There went all the good will he had been building up for the past few weeks. He made sure she was totally gone before entering the stable.

“Jahan, we need to talk,” he said. Nandor turned to his wife’s steed who she named Javidan and said, “Don’t tell Andrakis any of this. This is a private conversation between man and horse.”

With that settled, Nandor began to confide in his horse how upset and scared he had been to wake yet again with his wife missing. His worst fears nearly came true this time too. A big, burly, handsome man tried to steal her away. Even if Andrakis had lied about how handsome he was to save face for them both, it was undeniable how beautiful he was. The man’s muscles, his dark skin, his full beard, and his beautiful curly hair. The man was truly a vision. It hurt Nandor to amputate his hand, but he had a reputation to maintain and it was a very public touching of his wife.

But he was now fully erect and feeling strangely upset with himself over it. Maybe it would be better if he just marched himself into his wife’s room and just fucked her to rid himself of this feeling. Knowing that the other man had been enticed by her was also making him feel some things.

Maybe he should rethink his stance on invading her womb so early. If she were visibly with child, then any man who encountered her would know she was married and he could protect her better. He could just tell his mother that they had an oops and he was sorry, but also how exciting, a new baby on the way. Hopefully a boy. 

Or maybe he would just ensure she never left his sight again. That seemed much easier.

He pat Jahan on the face and said, “Good talk,” before heading back to his room.

Lunch and dinner came and went and he had to commend Andrakis for picking out a lovely spread of items. But the thoughts of that man kept swimming in his head. He glanced over at Rahim and then thought better of it. His wife was already in a sad state, he didn’t want to further sour her mood by playing with the help.

Suddenly an idea sprang forth in Nandor’s mind. One that would possibly lift her spirits and assuage his current desires.

He pulled Andrakis into his lap, and said in a low whisper, “I need you to do something special for me tonight. Do you think you could do that for me?”

“I guess it depends on what it is,” she said.

“Meet me for a bath in an hour. I’ll explain when we’re all alone,” he said, punctuating his remark with a kiss on her cheek. He lifted her up and sat her down again before departing for his chambers.

An hour passed and Andrakis entered the bath chamber in her dressing gown. Nandor was waiting in the water, no attendants to be seen. “You will join me for my bath, my little lamb.” He beckoned her forward with a crook of his fingers.

“I figured that’s what you meant,” she said, disrobing quickly before joining him.

He eyed her body as she carefully stepped into the water. Her form was so delightfully curvy now. Nandor practically salivated at the sight of his wife. Her skin had a lovely glow to it.

Andrakis treaded water to reach him. “What special thing did you want to-”

He pressed his finger to her lips. “No talking right now, sweet one.”  His lips grazed her neck, lathing her with kisses and little bites. Nandor cupped her breasts in his hands and made move toward her ear. “You are ready to do something I would never let a wife nor a concubine do to me?”

She leaned into his touch, letting out a soft sigh. “I’m not sure what you mean, Nandor.”

He pulled up and cradled her face in his hands. “I’m going to let  _ you _ dominate  _ me _ .”

She pursed her lips. “Didn’t we already do that?”

He waved a limp wrist at her. “That was nothing compared to what I want you to do to me tonight.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“You are going to travel up _my_ forbidden road," he grinned.  


She raised her brow, her pupils narrowed. “How am I going to do that? I don’t have the equipment. Well, my hands, perhaps.”

“Well, you’re in luck, my love. I have something I’ve been keeping under wraps that will allow you to travel up this way. I use it sometimes when I’m without a companion and do not feel like seeking one out. It’s more fun than just using my hand alone.”

“Do you mean you have a. . .” she blushed and whispered it in his ear.

Nandor let out a raucous laugh. “You’re acting like such a little virgin right now, my love. You can say it out loud. No one is going to judge you for knowing the name for such an item.”

“Okay, fine, are you saying you have a dildo?” She had read about them, but never actually saw one for real. She was surprised Nandor would have one considering he seemed to have no trouble finding companionship. 

“Yes, I have a dildo if that’s what you call it.” He playfully splashed water in her direction.

“What do you call it then?” She answered his splash with one of her own.

“A pretend penis,” he shrugged.

She gave him an incredulous look, “And you want me to use this on you?” Complete and total domination of his pleasure, all in her hands. Beholden to her and only her. The idea was sending thrilling sparks through her body as if she were little embers crackling beneath an open, bubbling cauldron. 

“Yes,” his eyes were alight with fire.

Andrakis didn’t want to seem too eager. “And what is in it for me?” she turned her head away, admiring the tiles on the wall. “I mean, I get why the forbidden road is fun for me, but this is just an inanimate object that I will control with my hand, right?” She turned back to him and smirked, “Seems very one sided, if you ask me.”

He trailed his fingers down her body, stopping at her entrance, teasing it with slow circles. “Is serving your husband not enough pleasure for you. Dominating him. Making him cry out for your mercy. Will that not set your loins on fire?”

She grinned and then schooled her face. “Well, that is all well and good, but. . .”

He cocked a brow and grinned back, taking her lips into his “And I will, of course, devour you and touch you and fill you up however you wish.” Nandor moved his lips a hairs width from her ear, “If. . .you do a good job,” he whispered.

Andrakis could barely contain the shiver crawling up her spine and shooting pleasurable sparks throughout her body. “I would expect nothing less from you, my husband.” She kissed him again, their lips locked in a war for dominance.

Once they broke their kiss, Nandor having won the war on that front, they finished their bath and slipped away to Nandor’s chambers. Neither party bothered to put clothes back on considering they were about to be discarded anyway.

Nandor insisted on carrying Andrakis back with him. He didn’t toss her over his shoulder like a typical conquest. Instead, he cradled her in his arms like a precious virginal bride on her wedding night. He carefully laid her on his bedding, resting her gently on the pillows.

“So, do I have to wait for the  _ me _ part of the treat?” she asked.

He stood over at his dressing table looking for the things they would need. “I said it would be a reward for dominating me so well, my lamb. You must be patient.”

She grinned, stood up, and sauntered over to him, pressing a hand to his chest. “You said I was in control, so I say you’re going to make  _ me _ come before I make  _ you _ come.”

Nandor looked down at his wife, who was standing on her toes in her attempt to tower over him. The warrior grinned, fighting the urge to pat her playfully on the head and tell her how precious she was in this moment. He could feel his core tighten as she attempted to lord over him.“My Queen, whatever you desire.” 

“Toss me over your shoulder and carry me to the bed.” Her tone of voice had changed from its usual sweet serenity to something more salacious.

He grinned and obeyed, splaying a hand on her posterior, his fingers dangerously close to her entrance.

“Set me down on my feet like a good boy,” she said.

He did as she commanded, setting her down in front of him.

“Sit.” Andrakis pointed to the place she wanted him. Once he was in position, she pushed Nandor down on his back and straddled his face. “Eat me,” she demanded.

Nandor smirked and buried his tongue in her folds. Andrakis immediately began to moan and thrust into his face.

His tongue had navigated her sex so often, he could easily find the right combination of strokes, flicks, and licks to lead her to an amazing orgasm that would shatter her deep into her center. Nandor had always prided himself on this gift he had. One would think a warrior king would not care to please his wives in such a way, but he got off on it as much as they did. He loved to devour them, his tongue traversing their delicate lips as supped on their nectar. Nandor would grin when he managed to make their pent-up desires release into his awaiting mouth, gladly swallowing all he could coax out of them. Each one had a delectable taste and aroma, one that would linger on his tongue and his beard long after he had made her come. He delighted in the movements, both voluntary and involuntary, as their hips thrusted up to get more contact with his tongue, the squeezing of his head between their quivering thighs. Some wives were more vocal than others, crying out commands and encouragement as they climbed up the mountain to its peak. With the more quiet ones, he tuned into their breathing to know when to pull back and when to ramp up his action. No matter if she be loud or quiet, they all cried out his name at the apex, their desire echoing through the room at his ministrations.

Andrakis was vocal in a subtle way. He had to strain a bit to hear her at times. He figured she was either shy or trying her best not to alert the entire traveling party to their activities. Nandor took her quiet appreciation as a challenge, taking it upon himself to unravel her so thoroughly that she would lose her composure and let her full voice be heard. He liked to tease her lips a bit, maybe nibble them before moving up to her most sensitive spot and lick and suckle upon it. All the while she would let the most delectable moans fall from her lips as her sweet release continued to build up. 

And Nandor loved that he was the sole explorer of Andrakis’s body, the only one to discover her and stake his claim, to conquer her heart and soul, to mark her as his and his alone. 

Though he did have an idea at the back of his mind, another delightful fantasy to fulfill, but that one would truly have to wait till they returned home.

One final suckle upon her flesh undid Andrakis. She came down hard, writhing and moaning, fully voiced. Her essence gushed out as her clit throbbed. Nandor grinned as he took it all in, lazily lapping her up as the pulses radiated through her. His wife continued to thrust against him as she rode out the waves of her climax. Nandor was certain she could come again if they kept this pace up. After riding herself to satisfaction, Andrakis leaned back and rolled off of him, still panting, her sex still pulsing.

He rounded on her and said an unbidden,“I want you to fuck me now.”

Her eyes flew open. “You dare tell your queen what to do?”

“I beg you to fuck me, my queen. I will prepare myself so that you don’t have to sully your precious hands.” He grabbed her hand and kissed it, looking up at her through his lashes. The feeling of presenting meek to her was oddly thrilling.

“Okay then, fine, I will fuck you, Nandor.” She said with a confident air, but her full body flush betrayed her true feelings.

He hopped up from his position seated before her and bounded to his things, grabbing the necessary oils and the apparatus before returning to her promptly. She could see that his device was leathery and very phallic looking. It was much bigger in length and girth than Nandor.

Nandor lay down, spreading open wide for Andrakis to get a nice view of the action. Their eyes locked as he poured a judicious amount of olive oil on his pointer and middle fingers. He didn’t break contact as he snaked his hand down his torso and circled the taut rim of his entrance before it swallowed the shorter digit whole.

Andrakis was amazed at the ease with which he could add more fingers. They slid in like they were nothing, like his posterior was their natural destiny. Soon he was three deep and trusting them in and out effortlessly, the final knuckle grazing his skin with each passing movement.

“I have to prepare myself just like I would prepare you, my queen,” he said, his breath hitching. “Would you want me to return the favor when I’m done?”

“Perhaps. We shall see.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “If you come like a good boy, then I will think about letting you have a turn inside me.”

He met her response with a goofy grin. Nandor removed his fingers and grabbed his phallus and lubricated it with a generous amount of the olive oil before handing it off to his wife.

“Just push it in. I can take it,” he said with a breathy moan.

“Are you sure?” Gone was her previous authoritative tone and in its place a meek and mild subservience. 

“Yes, it will feel really good.” He caressed her face with his clean hand.

She obliged and pushed the object into him slowly. He let out a low and throaty growl as it stretched him out.

“You must go further, my queen. All the way in.”

She obeyed, stopping at the place she could still grip and maneuver the instrument.

He let out a sensuous sigh. “And now you just do what I do with my penis in you. And you can talk to me while you do the things. I want you to command me still.” He grinned at her as he caressed her face, his eyes completely glazed over.

“I think I’m the one issuing the commands tonight, Nandor,” she said as she pulled back and then issued a hard thrust into her husband.

Nandor’s eyes sobered up and he let out a shudder as she pulled back and pushed forth with such vigor. “Whatever you command, my queen. I am yours to order around.”

A wicked grin spread across her face. “Play with your nipples.”

He obeyed, taking his clean hand and rubbing circles around the little nubs of flesh.

“Would I be allowed to play with your nipples when you are done, my queen?” He could feel the hot fire of desire burning his whole body now. Andrakis hovering over him, naked, controlling his pleasure, commanding his actions. He never felt more turned on and attracted to a partner.

“We’ll see about that,” she said in a cold tone, trying to remain the dominating queen of his fantasy.

He writhed beneath her. The only thing that would have made this better is if she could be somehow attached to his device. To feel her thrusting her hips into him and making him feel whole. For now, he would have to just be satisfied with her hand controlling the action.

“Stroke your cock,” she ordered. Andrakis enjoyed this subservient Nandor, even if they both occasionally broke out of the fantasy because they were new to this sort of game. Her husband seemed to savor being corrected by his queen.

Nandor took care of his neglected penis, wrapping his hand around it and pumping vigorously as Andrakis pumped the phallus in and out of him.

A spurt of precum emerged from the tip. Before Nandor could use it to help lubricate himself, Andrakis stopped his hand mid stroke. “Swallow it.” 

He grinned, feeling the heat bubble up further. What had began as a gentle simmer was beginning to rage and roil within him. With his unsullied hand he gathered up the fluid and licked his fingers clean.

His wife bent down, capturing his mouth in a fervent kiss. The salty taste lingered on his tongue.

Andrakis relished seeing her husband's faces as she pushed the device in and out of him. His pupils were dilated and his breathing became more ragged the harder she went.

“You like being fucked by your wife, don’t you, Nandor.”

“Yes, my queen. It feels so amazing for you to fill me up so good.”

“How bad do you wish you could fuck me right now?” She slowed the pace of her thrust.

“I want to fuck you so bad, my queen. I want to put my penis in all of your orifices and paint your body white with my semen.”

“Maybe your queen doesn’t want to be covered all over in semen. Maybe she wants some of that inside her,” she winked.

“But my queen, I am very virile. I have to be careful with you,” he begged.

“But that other man, the big handsome one, he said he could make me a mother in a fortnight,” she teased. 

“It would only take me a night to do it for you, my queen. Whenever we arrive home, I promise I will fill you up so good and the next day you will feel our baby move.”

“I don’t know. That's months from now. I could just wander my way over to him and be all set. How would you feel if another man dared put their hands on me.” 

She was still going at a snail's pace, but the heat was coiled as tight as ever. The thought of another man taking his wife that way, and such a handsome one, was strangely enticing.

“You don’t need him when you have me, my queen. I could sense that he did not know his way around the forbidden trails like I do. He would not be a good provider for you like I am,” he paused, looking up at her, his eyes losing their lustful glaze. In all seriousness he said, “If another man tried to love you like I do, I would kill him.”

“That’s a good answer, Nandor. I don’t want any other man but you inside me.” She sped up the pace, angling for his most sensitive spot.

Nandor felt one coil unfurl as she said  _ he _ was the only one who could take her in such a way. Soon he was clenching around the phallus, letting the most delightful moans fall from his lips. He felt sweet release from his backside, but his penis was still hard as a rock.

She halted her movements, her icy demeanor falling away completely, “Did I do it wrong?”

He sat up and caressed her face. “No, it’s just that sometimes a man can come from one part and not the other.”

“What are you waiting for then,” she motioned to her lap.

Nandor held up a finger and got up to go to the washroom. After his return, he knelt beside Andrakis and felt between her legs. “Oh wow, I was having quite the effect on you even though you were just toying around with me.”

“Are you going to fuck your queen, or not?” she said, lying back and spreading wide.

“I was hoping I could do some more appreciating of my queen before I impale her with my sword.”

“Permission to appreciate me,” she said, motioning over her entire body.

Nandor’s eyes practically glowed with delight, grabbing her breasts in his freshly cleansed palms. His wife winced at the touch, letting out a little squeak. “I’m sorry, my queen, I will be more gentle with your beautiful body.” He thumbed her nipple before taking it into his mouth to suckle upon. He loved how full her breasts were, and the nipples seemed to be darkening to a nice color too. Must be the effects of being back in her proper homeland where the sun was brighter. Eating her native foods must have been helping her figure as well to create her enticing new shape.

While he worshiped her breasts with his mouth and one of his hands, the other was busy appreciating her nether regions. He slid his fingers down her torso, circling her naval, before dipping into her dripping sex. He knew he could easily undo her just by touch alone, but his penis was throbbing and poking at her hip, wishing to join the party.

Andrakis grabbed Nandor’s chin, instigating a pause in his appreciation.

“Am I doing something wrong, my queen?” He said with a doe-eyed look.

She smiled, and pushed him back against the cool tiles of the wall. Nandor’s eyes fluttered a bit as if to say,  _ She’s really doing this? _ Before he could speak, she stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips.

Nandor wasn’t sure how much more he could take before falling to his knees and begging her to let him penetrate her defenses. He wasn’t sure if a man could come from just the idea of his wife doing sexual acts, but he felt he was on the precipice of finding out.

Andrakis broke the kiss and dropped to her knees, taking Nandor into her warm and waiting mouth.

“My queen, you are so kind to take my penis into you in such a way,” he shuddered as her tongue swirled the head.

She looked up at him and grinned a little before removing herself with a loud pop. “I just wanted you to have a little experience of being the dominant one, Nandor,” she said as she clenched his testicles in her hand.

He shivered as her hand caressed his most sensitive part. “Be careful, my queen, my little soldiers live there.”

She let out a laugh. “Well, they’re not going to get to go very far tonight. I hope they like my tits because that’s all they're going to see.”

Nandor’s face fell a bit. “I don’t get to fuck you in your favorite spot?”

“No, you can fuck me there, but you’re not releasing your forces there.” 

Despite her earlier teasing, she was not ready for anything to take hold inside her body. Better wait not only like Nandor wanted, but for as long as she could hold out. Andrakis would be perfectly happy without a child to care for, but she wouldn’t tell Nandor that. If it happened, it happened, but she wasn’t going to actively pursue it like some of the more desperate women she had read about through history, trying to provide that heir for their husband. There were plenty of other wives to pass the burden too. Plus, the sea sickies had been bad enough, so she couldn’t even imagine having to endure such conditions on land too with so much more ground to cover between here and home.

“Of course, my queen, I wouldn’t want them setting up camp now.” He was glad she had come to her senses. He was slightly worried she wanted a baby right this minute. It was kind of common for new wives to want one quickly, to prove they were worthy vessels of Nandor’s seed, to try to give him the son and heir he so desired. But Andrakis was the first wife he wed abroad, so everything about this was new territory. The expedient siring of a child was off the table, which took a lot of pressure off his shoulders. He just had to keep ensuring he didn’t do it on accident, which was a huge challenge because Andrakis was quite alluring and he wanted to keep her occupied in bed all day and all night. 

“So you want me to deploy my forces on your breasts instead of your torso or backside?”

She nodded and grabbed his hand, leading him to their bed. She pushed Nandor down and climbed on top of him, easing herself onto his throbbing cock. He felt his heartbeat speed up to a gallop as she continued to command and dominate him.

Andrakis began thrusting up and down, the heat in her core coiling up tight. “Let me know when you’re close,” she commanded.

He nodded, gripping her hips in his hands as she continued to ride him.

She planted a kiss on his lips, burying her tongue in his mouth. Andrakis pulled away. “Your body is mine, your heart is mine, everything of yours is mine,” she said.

He felt a full body flush as his own words were used in this context. He didn’t even have to be asked to repeat her part. “My body is yours, my heart is yours, all of me is yours.” Nandor went for her neck, planting kisses and bites there as she continued to ride him relentlessly. 

Being under her command was its own thrill. Andrakis was now truly his new favorite companion. He felt a special closeness to her that a wife could never provide in normal circumstances, especially since their marriage was suposed to be purely political. And he felt he could confide in her better than he could any concubine despite the fact she wasn’t some random girl he picked up on the road to conquest. Andrakis was something between these two worlds, and her dominating him now was the seal on the letter of their everlasting relationship. 

“I love you, my queen,” he said as she came down hard on him, grinding her hips forward.

“I love you too, my lord,” she panted. “That’s twice in one day, you must be smitten with this queen,” she grinned, breaking character completely.

“You have no idea,” he buried his face into her neck, gripping her hips tighter as he bit down on her. 

She yelped. “Be careful, beast.”

“Sorry, I couldn't help it. It just felt right.” he soothed the spot with his tongue.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” she purred.

They continued in this same position for what felt like ages until Nandor was on the edge of climax. He deftly pulled Andrakis off of him and laid her down, stroking himself above her.

“Yes, come on my body, Nandor. I want to feel your seed on me.”

That was enough to send him over the edge. The roiling heat bubbled over, exstinguing the embers of lust momentarily. Nandor shuddered as thick, hot ropes of semen shot forth and painted Andrakis's breasts. 

They both panted, trying to catch their breath. She broke the silence, “Now, clean me up.” 

He got up to go get a rag, but she stopped him. “I didn’t say with a cloth, naughty boy.”

Nandor’s eyes lit up and he got on his knees and licked up all the seed from his wife’s supple breasts. He looked her in the eye the whole time. She cooed at him, running a hand through his hair, “Good boy.”

Once done with that task, Nandor then reached down between Andrakis’s legs, filling her up and stroking her.

“Very presumptive of you, Nandor, to think I wanted to be fingered.” 

“I can stop, my queen.” Nandor slowly pulled his fingers out of her.

“No, I think you should stay until I can properly come as well. You had to pull your penis out pretty early and I’m unsatisfied,” she grinned.

This part of their sexual activity was not new. He had been pulling out and finishing before he could come for a long time now, so he was accustomed to finishing his wife off in numerous ways that involved hands and mouths. Occasionally she would come before him, and it was like a race with the devil to pull out in time before he sprayed her insides with his seed from the hard clenching her walls would envelope his penis in.

He used a two and two method this time. One hand focused on the top of her walls and the second on the bottom. He moved the fingers in tandem, thumb circling her clit. Andrakis clenched and shuddered moments later, her body releasing it’s tension along with more evidence of how delighted she was by his touch. 

Nandor decided to lick up some of the sweet nectar, despite having done so earlier. 

He could see Andrakis’s eyes roll back behind her head. “Oh, N-N-Nandor, what are you doing that for?”

“Just cleaning you up, my queen,” he said matter of factly. 

He grinned and went back to it, delighting in the whines that definitely showed his actions were too much for her. 

“Don’t stop,” she begged, all pretense of being the dominant one gone.

“As you wish,” he said, diving in fully, enjoying her squirming and losing all capability of forming coherent words. 

Nandor focused his efforts on her clit while his fingers focused on her walls. She bucked her hips up and cried for release. Soon she was convulsing and her body was releasing all the tension once again as her climax gushed forth one last time.

She panted beneath him. “Okay, I really don't think I can take another one tonight, my lord.”

He smirked and carried her to the bath chamber where they cleaned up together. Nandor decided it was just easier for Andrakis to sleep in his chambers tonight since she was so thoroughly fucked she was literally having trouble walking straight. He needed to keep an eye on her.

As they settled into bed he said, “Thank you for being my queen tonight, my lamb. I hope that sometime in the future you will do that for me again.”

She turned to look him in the eye, “Of course. I had a lot of fun, even though using your phallus was kind of straining on my wrist.”

He took her wrist into his hand and placed a gentle kiss upon it. “That just makes me appreciate you more. We could work on some angles to help with that.”

She snuggled close to him. “I love you, Nandor.”

He nuzzled into her neck and said, “I love you too, Andrakis.”

Andrakis was the first to fall asleep. Nandor watched her slumber, the even breathing providing a soothing lullaby to comfort him.

They planned on staying in Tabriz another week, then it would be time to depart for Al Quolanudar once and for all. Keeping separate quarters at this point was a total pretense to make other people happy, but Nandor was starting to regret that decision. Back home it was customary for the wives to sleep in their own quarters and for Nandor to sleep in his own. But if he were entertaining one of his wives in his room, he would often invite them to sleep the night away with him. Most of them stayed if they didn’t have his children to look after. He had thought about allowing the children into his domain, but then thought against that idea considering he wasn’t comfortable with the image of little eyes on him as he was taking their mothers to the heights of ecstasy. He knew the little ones wouldn't remember, but it was just not something he wanted to experience. 

But these circumstances were different. Nandor was not at his home, he was on the road to it. The only people he was trying to appease were his sniveling advisors. Nandor would trade all the pretense in the world just to hold his beloved wife close to him every night.

But he understood why he had to keep up appearances on the surface. It’s why he’d been sneaking around with a wife he was technically lawfully wedded to in the first place. Once in their home, Andrakis would meet his family. His mother would be expecting a very chaste and demure bride for him as that had been promised to them months ago, way before he learned the truth and took Andrakis as his conciliatory prize. 

He had no clue what his mother would think of Andrakis. She was neither chaste nor demure. She was sensual and brazen. He actually quite liked that about her most, even if it sometimes made her hard to deal with. Too late to turn the ship back now, he supposed. No matter how his mother felt about Andrakis, they would be properly wed upon their arrival home. And he could renew his efforts to produce an heir finally.

He wasn’t sure if Andrakis was ready to be a mother just yet, and if he could hold it off for as long as possible he would. Nandor was aware how motherhood could change the dynamics between a husband and wife. Sure, it would make her more attractive to him, but Andrkais would be less available to meet his current lustful desires. And he just couldn’t have that. Not yet anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Andrakis is a semi-canonical wife of Nandor. She's mentioned in an FX promo video. We know that she had a really big . . . smile.


End file.
